I knew this girl who lived by the sea up somewhere in Oregon... never could I remember the **** city.
She used to write me letters... she would tell me all about her life there, about the nature around her and the way the trees would speak to her during the rain storms... I always said she was born in the wrong era.
She was beautiful this girl... Blonde hair to her waist, bright green eyes that seemed to glow in the dark... she was spunky too always had to argue with someone about something. We had been best friends for years and I loved her like family.. but people
She used to tell me how she quit smoking years back... She just didn't feel the need to anymore after living by the sea... but she said she would go on her porch holding a stick pretending to smoke just to remember how it felt to be sad... I always thought that was the craziest thing I had ever heard until I did the same thing one day.

I knew this girl she lived by the Sea somewhere in Oregon... I always wish  I could remember the city. She killed herself last week.. Jumped off a bridge into that blue ocean.
I was told it was a cloudy day and she wore a long skirt and flowers in her hair... she was stunning I was told... She called that day, left me a message on my phone, I was working couldn't answer you know the usual ******* excuses we give.

I knew this girl... and everyday I wish I still knew her...

I walked and walked and walked until my feet were bruised and swollen and bleeding.
I cried that day... all ******* day... and I didn't care one bit who saw me.
I ran that night, on my bruised, swollen, and bleeding feet, I just wanted to feel the pain.
I wanted anything and everything to hurt on my body to make me forget what you did.
I washed the pain away with whiskey and gin-- because I knew it would make sick.
I smoked the whole day-- Just because I'm allergic to cigarette smoke.

Yesterday I felt the pain in my body... the pain I had felt for so long in my heart.
And yesterday I saw you kiss her when you had told me you loved me.
Yesterday I watched you pack your ****... my eyes burning holes into your perfect back.
And yesterday I broke the window of her car, glass shattered across her face, and I felt no shame when she cried or you yelled.
And yesterday I walked and walked and walked until my feet were bruised and swollen and bleeding because I just wanted you to know I can feel pain too.

I'd stay a month or maybe two.
I'd count to three and always wait for you.
I'd speak in riddles just to see you laugh again.
I'd kiss your lips if it would help us win.
You loved me more than I loved you.
You held my hand from ups and downs and all the way through.
Those green eyes the way they lie.
Those white teeth the way they would smile.
I'd bring the moon to your window every night.
I'd bring you the stars and tuck you in tight.
You're the sun to my shine.
Your the song to my rhyme.
I'd apologize for not loving you more...
If I knew you'd come back through my door....

Sleepless nights filled with emptiness--
You're my east coast heart--
Tired glances from you to I--
Fingers trace hearts on skin--
Lists of creatively shallow optimism--
I'm falling head over heels--
Wrap your hands around me--
Kiss me harder--
Love me deeper--
Follow me-
To this dark lonely grave--
I created this for only....
You & I --

I keep driving hoping to find the piece of me I lost way back when. Hoping the next town or city I hit will be the place I know I have to stay. As people pass me by and building grow from small to skyscrapers I'll keep dreaming of better times. The times when we were young and naive. The time when love was love and lust was just a word we hadn't quite figured out the definition yet. Back to when you loved me and I loved you. As I drive through the country I dream of a new me. A happier person with goals and a plan. A me with only the best memories that make me smile instead of cry. A me that people want to be around again.
I may not find the piece of me I lost so long ago... But I will sure find who I am supposed to be along the way.

She said "Black on Black is what makes it so much easier to pretend I just don't care"
I told her I had no idea what she meant... She laughed.
She painted her lips with blood red lipstick and inched her skinny legs into dark black fishnet stockings.
She wore nothing less than 10" heels and could walk elegantly in them as well.
She said "Black on Black makes me forget the job I have to do... It makes it easier to blend in."
I told her she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to... She smiled.
Black laced underwear and a padded bra with long black hair and make-up for days.
She said " Black on Black... whenever you're sad remember that Black can hide almost anything you want it to." And then she left.
I wanted to tell her I loved her & she would always be my sister no matter what she chose to do.
That night she went out.. doing her job like she always does except she didn't come home.
And just like the night sky... she faded into that black on black...

You're face was prickly like pine needles and you smelled like the smoke from the burnt out fire we had next to us in those quiet woods.
You had deep dark brown eyes that would stare me down hard in the morning... and oh how I wanted nothing more than to ravage you on sight.
Lust was in the air that morning and nothing more.
"Have you ever wanted something so much it made it hard to breathe?" you whispered in my ear.. lips slightly touching skin.
"Yes" I said with such authority and kissed you more passionately than ever before.
You're hair was tussled and brown like the dirt we laid our soft blanket upon that morning.
You had this smile brighter than a full moon in the night sky and more soothing that the crickets chirping in the morning air.
Love was in the air that morning and nothing more.

I feel solace in the morning driving to get a warm overpriced coffee just to feel awake enough to make it through the day I have waiting ahead.
I find comfort driving alone in the morning cold and frosty; alone with only my thoughts singing louder than the songs on the radio.
But when I'm alone in my room in the middle of the night I cringe at my memories that pour through like the rain outside.
             We all know what it's like to be alone.
      We all know how heartbreak feels.
We all know the pain of falling in love....
It's always at night when there is nothing but me and my thoughts... That's when I feel the most alone...

Blue waves crash around us; you left me floating alone.