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 May 2015 Emperor King Brett
Sara
You’ll be my 2 am thoughts, my 4 am texts. I’ll never stop thinking about you and your lovely eyes. I’ll attach myself to you so that you and everyone else around us knows you’re mine. I’ll cling onto you and never let you go, but I’ll do what makes you happy.
2. I’ll make a home out of you. I’ll run to you when I need to get away from everything, when I need to cry, lay down with someone. Your arms will become my bed and I won’t want to leave you for days.
3. My body isn’t beautiful. I am not gentle and graceful; I am sloppy and empty. My eyes have spilled the four oceans and are completely dry and dead. My bones stick out in unusual places that I have learned to hate from how much they make me ache. My tummy is round and large in my eyes, it takes up too much space and I grab it, I wish it would just disappear. I have tally marks cut into me from my worst days as reminders that I’m not mentally stable, that I struggle. My body can curl up into a ball so small that it makes me question if people can see right through me, if I even exist anymore.
4. I’m hard to love. I want what makes you happy, I don’t care about my happiness, because you will end up controlling it, and it scares me so bad. Your words will affect me more than I will show.
5. When you leave me, it will hurt me for days, for months. I’ll need to be constantly surrounded by people, or I’ll lock myself in the bathroom with my razor and pills. My body will break down, my world will crumble. My tears will be never ending and I’ll cry for you at night that I’ll have no voice in the morning. I won’t exist without you; I’ll completely lose my identity.
6. Lastly, I’ll write ****** poems like this about you.
Determination, diligence
Is what I saw
Running away is what I reciprocated with.
All the right things is what you did
Making the coldness in my chest melt.
Happiness, Affection
Is what I felt
With you by my side, and in my heart.
The heart that you thawed, and made your home.
I tried to make this home the best I could
But even the sun sets in paradise.
You came home fewer, my heart grew colder.
Every day was an agony
Reaching out was what I did.
But I lacked acknowledgement.
To this day, it is a mystery
As to why you up’ed and left my heart.
The heart you thawed and made your home.
(k.l.)
What do you think I deserve?
After treating you like the king you were
Or least the king you made me feel you were…
What does the girl you made your queen deserve?
Or the queen at least you made me to be in your eyes…
Don’t you think I would deserve a response; a ‘hello’ at least?
Some indication to me that you still care, that im not erased from your picture
The picture that you meticulously painted to me day by day
Changing my view, but not clouding my judgement.
As a king, you do not hold me in high regards to not even report to me
But still, you seem perfectly capable of doing so.
But why me? Why your queen?
The queen I always knew I was, but the queen I thought someone finally saw…
Your Queen.
The soul he needs,
It should be wise.
It should be sweet.
It should care.
Their feelings should be strong, but not too overwhelming.
It must like the closeness of his body.
The soul he needs,
Must be strong.
It must be tender.
The soul he needs,
Should be a soul like his.
About my boyriend
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