It was twelve at night as he looked at the ceiling over come with feelings that were preventing him from dealing, with life that was the problem you see it was like nothing could be right, trapped in a prison built by his own mind that night.  

So he gets up puts his feet on the floor laces up some all-stars and goes out the door.

As he walks he thinks that he must be in a kind of sleep, because as he looks around he sees odd things in this deep. 

You see the sky begins to thunder and lightning strikes the sky, and the air gets colder, and he's reminded of the day his brother died.

The ground starts to pull apart, and fire begins to rise and at that moment you can see the fear in his eyes.  

So he does what people do when there afraid he looks up to the sky searched for God and prayed.

He begged for safety cause he felt that this was the end, his job his love his dreams his friends.  

That's when a figure begins to reveal itself in the flames, a tall slender figure with the eyes that seemed flawed with stains.

No it wasn't stains, as it grew closer, see the eyes were arranged with colors from all over.

And as the fire begins to part the face comes into view, a gorgeous women clothed only in flames with a look on her face as if she knew.

Because there was a secret he hadn't shared before, a few days ago he couldn't take it anymore. So he tried to take his own life so he could keep from being sore.

Because this was something he couldn't bare, he had felt that he tried so hard and that the world was unfair.

But the woman gives him a look as if she understands, and says that she can help him, and he only has to give her his hand. And pledge his loyalty to her and her alone.

As he swallowed hard and thought and finally said yes, but one thing must be known, the name of the one he's pledging to, to sit on the throne.

She says that's simple I go by many names Venus, the Serpent, but for you I'll level.  For you probably know me when they call me the Devil.

So caught up in my emotions I feel more like women than my girl.

Might as well give me a dress and some curls.

But then a thought crossed my mind maybe every man thinks like this. Its just I express it, and when people judge me I get ******.

Not to say women are soft I don't mean that at all.  I've seen some women do things that would make men fall.

But the difference is that women are free in a way that a man isn't. Some stupid stereotype that says what a man is and isn't.

Like there some unwritten rule about what you can and cannot do, no tears be a man and be tough its what I'm supposed to do.

But what they don't see is that before any of that I'm a human being, just trying to take in the world, and make it, and right now I'm only dealing.

Because emotions and feelings are in our name there's no way to separate the two there the same.

So every morning now I wake up looking at the ceiling and I ask my self what am I, a human being?

Yeah, here we are right where we began knew you weren't a friend when I wasn't trying to get it in.

And that's crazy, how it works, looking to stop the loneliness now I found love and it hurts, more than when them dudes caught me in the jaw, couldnt eat right for a week, but still your love's got me felling raw.

I'm sorry if I come off mushy or sentimental but girl you got the key and you stay up on my mental, and your essential, got me smiling so hard need to work up on my dental.

Just a bit of cheese, just a stamp up on the page so that you know this notes from me.  Like we're in elementary yes, no, or maybe. Please let it be a yes so Doc know when to expect the baby.

And if it's a girl, then we can name her Minnie and dont worry about where I  go cause you know your coming with me, and I know you got a son, and you know I'll always love him like he's my only one, get me. Never worry cause ain't a women that can tempt me but to put it simply I love you more then this life I live, I know I only got one so I try my hardest just to give, back.

And I know we may go *** for tat screaming like some cats, but you know I got your back, and girl your the reason why I sing, and you can call me Frodo cause you know I got that ring.

I talked to an old man once
as I was riding on the bus.

Had a tendency to ramble,
and always had the urge to cuss.

He said he had a theory,
and his whole life he had spent.

On how Death was a women,
and this is how it went.

Death has to be a women
cause only she could be so cold.

Dressed in all black,
and always coming for your soul.

A scythe she holds in one hand,
an hour glass in the other.

She gets pleasure from her name,
and not from any other.

She keeps her bones polished nice,
and her hair free of spiders.

She knows something about everyone,
and loves to be desired.  

He said she had a husband once,
but he tried to run off when she got sick.

So before he left she killed him,
his mistress, and his brother just for kicks.

He said he could see at one point
how beautiful she had to be,
but all that's left was skull, and flesh,
anger and deformity.

So I laughed and said oh
so you've seen her before.

He said yeah can't you,
look up she's standing by the door.

Tried to play with love like a kid would play with toys but I ended up smashing it together and made a bunch of noise.

So I thought I'd play with words and let my mind rejoice but the preacher came and told me that he didn't like my voice.

So I laid in the grass and stretched my hand up to the stars, but an astronmner came and told that they where just to far.

What's the truth for me what's the truth for you some say that questions hard but ask a magician what's the truth and they'll tell you pick a card.

Im sorry for what I did, and what I continue to do.

For me to get you pregnant would be the worst thing for us too,
but part of me straight loves and wants forever to be with you.

While the other side is ignorance and pushes me away from you,
and thats not even the worst of it.

I can't control my lust,  
but the women seem to come from nowhere and drive themselves between us.

Please don't leave, I'll stop all of this foolishness,
and just stay and let me love you and will have that picket fence.

I'm so in love with you I don't know what to do. 

Looking up at the sky and stars and I still see you. 

Lost cause your always on my mind and I can't break free. 

Didn't think someone could have such a hold on me. 

You can break me so easy and that's what scares me the most. 

Heart pounding mind racing I must give you a toast. 

You broke threw me, I've told you everything, And your the reason I sing. 

The *** is amazing but it's not what makes me stay at all. 

Cause you understood me when I was lost and wanted to fall. 

Your smile is so bewitching I can't help but stare, but you keep pushing me away from your heart like you don't want me there. 

I'm not saying that life with me would be perfect cause nothing ever is, but I'd make everyday special for you and our kids. 

That's if you'll have me, I pray you'll say yes. 

A life with you is what I want and I can't settle for less, and neither should you I just want you happy. 

That other guy your talking to can't compare to the love that would come from me. 

I know you say I don't understand but I'm trying to see, but I don't see how you could be so mean even when you love me. 

Love I know ain't simple how can it be and I know your afraid to be hurt but that's not the person I would be. 

I can't even write anymore it hurts to much and I can't sleep. 

As I lay looking at the darkness that seems so deep.

Maybe we'll be together at some point down the line, and I could make you happy till the end of time.

I lost everything, but I feel I've gained so much more you see, all the stress is gone and I finally feel free.

The chains have fallen off and I go where I please. Passing people on the street as they look at me like a diseases.

Who are you to judge, you don't know me, the **** I've been through would have you begging on your knees.  

Unbelievable but I've adapted to this life, cold winter nights that sting more than a steel knife.

I find food, when I need to eat, and the world's my bed so I always have a place to sleep.

Friends and family, have all disappeared, and most have died and yeah I shed my share of tears.

I wouldn't trade this life for nothing, I'm happy where I've laid, and I see you jealous people as you walk around lost and afraid.

You wish you knew freedom the way I have it, bills and money don't tie me up cause it my life so I grab it.

So he was hurt,
he could feel the sting in his heart,
because the girl he was with had put it there from the start, because before him she had been with other men, but the men she was with he called his friends.

Now I guess it's hard when your boys run through a girl, and for this girl your feelings unfurl,
and they came out for him and that was the problem. So he kept her at a distance hoping he could solve them.

The dreams are becoming more and more real with every night I sleep.

Really me too, that's why I came to you we gotta speak. Ever since she found out, things have been going wrong.

Well what do you suppose we do chant, hold hands, sing a song, and hope things get back to the way they where.

Nah nothing like that my plan was to just **** her.

That's real funny, but I'm serious come on man.

Well I am, this is no joke. I already got the van.
Tinted windows black paint drive to her job she works late. ****** her up, cuff her, shoot her, dump her in the gutter. The plan is flawless, easy smooth like butter.

Have you lost your mind. You must have to make you say, or even think we could even do something.....

Shut up you know this is the way.  She has videos and tapes of what we've done. The bribes the *** she has the smoking gun. Just put a bullet in her head before she ruins or lives she's trying to take away your daughter, **** she's trying to take our wives.  The money the power she's bringing it all to an end.

Alright, your right just tell me what's the plan again.

Why am I so caught up with my feelings why can't I let them go, anger and frustration are with me every where I go.

Sadness comes at night just to say hello and jealousy and envy are around when you're not here or when you walk out the door.

Self loathing is always present when I feel alone, telling me I'm stupid and ugly and that's the reason you're not home.

And they have become my friends because they always keep me company, but there was a time when happiness was always with me.

And when I think of those times it's when you were with me, and I realize the way I feel about you makes my heart long to be free.

I'm not afraid to say it,
I'm afraid of the dark, but not that
the lights are off in the house type dark.

I mean that true darkness that middle of the night standing outside, you can't see your hand in front of your face dark.

The type of dark where every noise you hear gets your imagination racing with the thoughts of impossible creatures lurking in the night, or the escaped killer waiting for you to slip up and step to close to the bushes or tree your walking past, and then that's it your gone.

So you take off running down the street like an idiot only to make it home time and time again unscathed and perfectly fine mad at yourself for letting your imagination get the best of you saying never again will I let myself be so stupid running away from nothing.

Only to repeat the same actions the very next day.

Love is something that he sometimes regrets when warm salt tears run down her neck.

As they stain collars and ground he realizes the sound, it's the same one he heard his mother make when his father skipped town. Filled with an anger he can't explain a thought crosses his mind that,"I can't be the same he left a wife and child behind and didn't think twice, I've only known her for a year if anything I'm being nice."

As he tumbles down into his mind of his family's screams and fights the, the violence of it all the calm of nights. After the chaos had seemed to come to an end, a type of norm grabs hold again.  

Love has not returned but a peace comes about as he holds her tight as tears pour out. He tells her that he loves her, and he'll be with her always but right now he needs to take some time to see where his mind lays.

Ideas building in my brain that make me want to shout,
I need to let it out.

You see but I can't because I never talk,
stay enclosed in my own world, and I'm hunched over when I walk.

Some might say it's because I'm scared, or nervese.

Nah it's because I'm in my own world is,
not the right way to put it,
because they'll say that your crazy,
they'll say your insane.

In a world where they hate those who are different,
you have to be the same,
but I will speak what I feel,
and be who I am,
and live the way I want cause to be honest I dont give a ****.

I've read watched and wrote poems about love, but nothing I've written read or viewed could compare to the way I feel about you.  

My wife it still sounds odd when I say it, but believe me when I say it, there isn't a person who's near that doesn't know how I feel about you.

You see I'm pretty good at expressing myself through words, but that's the problem for there are no words that even come close to explaining the magnificence that is you, but I'm a poet so I will try.  

In the beginning I was going to say how each time I lay with you, everything else seems to melt away and how the tiniest touch from you leaves the hairs on my arm standing up cheering, and hollering for another brush from you.

But as I wrote that down I tore that page out because it wasn't even close enough to explaining how I feel about you.

So then I came up with something else it was when I first kissed you it was at that moment that I knew that God made us for one another because are lips fit together like two pieces of ancient pottery destroyed long ago, finally put back together after centuries of being apart, but even that wasn't enough.

So then I remembered the first time we made love not *** but love because at that time, before you, I didn't know what that was, it was a foreign language that I didn't know. That no high school elective class could teach because they didn't have you or rather I didn't.

But being a man it was something I didn't want to confess but my heart stopped for a minute when we arrived and as I laid next to you I remember the words that flew around like fireworks in my mind and exploded leaving a bright colored phrase shinning bright in my mind "This is going to be my Wife" and it's funny cause that word still sounds odd when I say it but when I do say it God and the heavens above know that I mean what I say, when I say, "I love you."

So tell me who did you come to see the Butcher, the Baker, or the Rhyme Maker or probably all three.

Well they say the Butcher is a wonder with the meat, that's why he has all the women clamoring in the street. He wills and kills to tenderize that veil making it soft and sweet so they know the deal.  

They say the Baker is always up to no good, and he's also one of the main problems that stood, because he would cook it, cut it, and sell it for a profit. Had them all hooked as they said, they could fly while on it.
  
They say the Rhyme Maker keeps to his own.
That his minds an endless wander, and he always seems to roam. You can catch him on a park bench writing to a beat, or just calmly walking as he takes in the street. He's a nut, he's a genius that's what some might say, but I know the truth, he just writes what he felt and saw that day.

The city of unaccomplished goals and dreams have many who sit and mope, some just procrastinate, while others tried but lost hope.

But there's one young man who wants to succeed so bad that it hurts. He's tired of falling and failing, and he's tired of the taste of dirt.

He wants the sweet taste of victory, but lemons are abundant here, but there is no sugar anywhere so lemonade is just bitter tears.

All the houses are made of card board and are blown down by the Big Bad Wolf. But the young man has no home, he walks and roams and it has made him strong and tough.

The Witch of the East in the morning she loves to disturb the city's peace. While the Witch of the West preferred the interruption of the city's rest.

So at night he goes to a secluded place and lays under the stars, and there he meets the man in the moon and they'd converse for hours. He'd tell stories of a cat and a fiddle, and a cow that could jump so high that even the dog would giggle.

He tells him of times that have come and gone, and of things he may never see, but the young man takes this all in awe cause the moon has his curiosity.

He tells the moon that one day he'll finally succeed, he'll have a family and everything and won't have a want or a need. And when he's old and meets with Death he'll have no fear in his heart, but he'll tell her about a theory he has that began his unexpected start.

I cheated, and for that I apologize I was the one who was supposed to keep you happy yet I brought tears to your eyes.

Apologies mean nothing at this point and I know that. This isn't some game I can restart or rerack.

Cause I ****** up I know it's true and when I think about it I see the baby and how it's gone too.

Now when I say its, I mean the baby's life, cause I took that away when I left you as my wife.

It's all my fault I'm responsible for your death, and yet I tried to make it all right and bring you into this mess.

Me and your mother weren't working not even in the beginning and yet we thought having a baby together would keep us going on, and living.

But instead we brought only your death, and I shed many tears for you, and there are still nights I can't rest.

Cause you didn't deserve it, and nither did your mother but I was a cowered who couldn't tell the truth that I was in love with another.

So instead I just left, and left you to die. While you mother stressed herself as she would lay on the ground and cry.

Please, forgive me not a day goes by I don't think about what I did. I know I don't deserve it for taking the life of my kid.

I know it doesn't mean much, and like I said there's no meaning in an apology but for what it's worth please understand I'm sorry.

I don't really know what I want to write today.

My heart is pounding hard and my mind just wants to fight today.

I know there's something there, a topic I'd like to share, and get whatever is in my heart out of there.

But the truth is.......... I'm scared today

I wanted to write lines that told of happier times then maybe something good could come out of today. 

It seems that the future is getting darker and my past is even harder to remember today.

The job has let me go without warning now I flow in a river of bills and problems that I didn't think I'd have today.  

So I'm searching for a job with a face like I could take on a mob because, I don't want my family to sob and, I don't want them to be scared today. 

I'll make it look fine, want hold up a store or a sign and take my daughter to the park today.

I'll hold my wife's hand and tell her I have a plan so she wont have to worry today.

So I make a quick 50 here and 100 there. 
All the while searching to make one thing clear.

I swear I'm going to make tomorrow brighter than it was today.

I played trouble with the Devil today.

He told me he was bored, he was tired of torturing the massive sinning hoards.

It started when he pulled me out of a crowd waiting to be punished, and began to ask me about my family and friends, and how my apartment was furnished.

He then led me to his house and it was strange cause I'd seen it before and as we stepped inside I realized it was the house I lived in as a kid in Flossmore.

He then headed to the kitchen and asked if I wanted a drink, it had been years since I'd had anything so hell yeah was all that I could think.

He laughed and handed me something that looked cool and crisp, I didn't hesitate I grabbed it, and took two big sips.

As I looked up I could see him smiling grinning from ear to ear, he said do you like it I call that the Devils ****, it's my very own home brewed beer.

He pulled out the board game and we began to play and the whole time he talked about his trails and tribulations and what he ate for breakfast that day.

He told me of his sorrow his love and his former boss, he told me how they ******* up the story Paradise Lost.

On and on he went for what seemed like weeks, and then finally he said man I'm getting tired I'm going to go get some sleep.

So he showed me out the door gave me a pint of ***, patted me on the the shoulder and told me to come by tomorrow and we'd go out for some fun.

I walked slowly back in line thinking man I ****** up, if there was any hope in getting out of here that's gone the Devil actually likes me, ******* it I'm stuck.

Riding into battle sword high ready for the fight.

Friends and Foes had left there woes now silence this moonless night.

She waits breath held for the moment that she shuns there smart she thinks but knows the truth that death is the more clever one.

A clash of steel rings out and echoes across the field as the fights begun they'll wonder who has won its the Puppet Masters at the wheel.

What does a black kid who wants to rap write about well if he's from the suburbs he'll probably leave the pages white like the folks that where out.  

Since there is no poverty, gangs, or death to report on. I guess he'll sit in his two parent household and be put down cause that's his home, and try to figure out that why in order to be black does he have go through struggle, live on 64th and Sangamon Chicago that's just asking for trouble.

Why aren't happiness and good times associated with the black culture, instead we like it when we're known for stealing, killing and getting over. I guess it's why light skinned people want to claim different races, why dark skinned woman aren't beautiful because we don't like the color of there faces.  

I guess that's why Mike wanted to be white, why every black man woman and child believe that they have to fight, but naw not injustice and poverty, one another the same person you grew up calling your brother.

But what does it matter cause you don't hear my words. I'm just another black man from Richton Park Illinois so I remain unheard.

Everything, I wrote something today.

Days blur together since I'm not with you, **** every thing seems awful since I first kissed you.

Why is it that I decided to even love you, ******* my life up to be beside you, but I'll keep playing this game, showing you I love you when I know you don't do the same.

But I'm stupid for believing it, Thought I could make it work but love is just *******.

It's something they tell for your dreams, makes you feel good before it rips and tears at the seams. cause the truth is your all alone, nobody's got your back and life is better when your gone.

The President of the United States is what I said I'd be when I was a kid, until I talked to my grandma and she said I was black and that's not something that we did.

Cause at that time there was no distinction between race, just people male and female and I didn't judge by the color of there face.

But things change and sometimes, I wish they didn't, because after that talk I began to notice the difference, and the change came not just in color.

It was in the environment, the culture, and the way we talk to each other.

It was at that moment that I felt a tunnel get smaller, I felt limited by words and I couldn't grow any taller.

Being black I felt that all I could be was a rapper or ball player. That my life was predetermined and was already tailored.  

But I'm pushing forward in the military determined to be pilot because one thing is true, the only person to stop you from succeeding is You.

Why do you want things more when someone tells you, "you can't have it," is it that childish or rebellious nature that makes you go and grab it.

Or maybe it's that quite whisper deep in your heart that tells you there's a better place with an even better start.

Because even though you have it good you feel it could be better.  So you sit and ponder your path of destruction to wherever, but your clever.

Or so you think, throwing everything you got out, but the kitchen sink, and I'm awfully glad you kept that cause your gonna need a drink.  As you hustle, stressing on you search for the pink, but your a teen didn't they know thats how you think, talking about she's in my math class and she gave me a wink.

Well easy come easy go that's why they call it young flow or young dough wanted to stay together but we just don't know, and I'm not lying I tried to find it but I dont where it go, but yo.

Maybe it never did exist maybe it was only there cause I got to play with her ****, ****.

You know we'd rather it stay, cause we're young it's fun and we love feeling this way.