Right here write now all open ended honesty dies
Cuz I realize her eyes r always on me

God forbid I have my own space
Only place where I find a release
Has been forced to seize to exist
U can find my thoughts n prayers amongst the mist
an imprint of fist against the wall
Evidently a stroll thru the mall was too much to ask for
I won't waste my time fighting a past war

With another dumb broad who swore to god she wasn't flawed
My iPod will b smashed by morning , by morning
A warning
Was givin,
Proceed living
Ashes to ashes
But my need smashes ,my existence
Pure resistance
Reinforcers my stance

Yet if I can b granted one wish it would be
to be able to dance
rathervthen judged in a glance
Was there ever
Really a chance for our so called romance?
U had a husband I had a drug problem
So yeah.....issues we got em
Teachers have taught em everything
They didn't need to know
Let's see u show
me
how to conquer or deal with jealousy
or the way I feel.
Now that would be a real
Life lesson

Instead they got me second guessin
Waste more time on impression then passion the ability.to be .just .me
is what I'm askin



**** just realized I'm sittin at the bar alone lost in the zone
I wanna fit in b a clone to each is own don't exist
**** THAT PUT A FIST IN THE AIR
HONESTKY I REALLY DONT CARE

go ahead n stare

I You'll see the real me
N u don't wanna go there
I'll flow there here
In front of a mirror
Face to face with my most fear
In a box with a fox
Or where ever the ****
I fall in the category as stuck
on stupid
But I've got so many lessons to teach you kid

Doing my best to live just for today
may the bridges we burned light the way
we don't like so we fight the way
things are going,after that with one hand behind my back I'll change the way winds blowing
growing up knowing ,,it's better to keep from showing , true colors
leaving lovers n mothers in the dark, every remark leaving loose ends
all the money spends, too much time alone no friends pretends
that he's got so much goin on but truth is he's lost,long gone
hope is non existent
it all crashes down in an instant..I know cuz I'm the one to go, n bring your destruction leave u with trouble trustin ..I'm known for bubble bustin givin into lust n, I'll show u the finer things in life, u shouldn't do n there's nothing that I'd love more then to..be the one neglecting u

Getting back in touch with the comfort of the clutch. a miserly that I miss so much
of a life lost in the exhaust of a burnout
and u know there's only so many ways things can turn out
so no surprises
reminded every day how pointless his life is
Not the man that I wanted to b
n definitely not the man that I wanted u to see
you'll agree
the real me, is one of those things ud wanna hide and hold secretly inside
I only lied cuz some things r better untold,bring it up and watch me unfold
a cycle that gets old real fast
leaving u on the shore to watch as I cast myself into a sea of self destruction
I find comfort in the familiar dysfunction
where I finally feel like I fit!
so I sit n ride out the storm. my insecurities keep me warm as the world is torn apart
I grab a horn n start playing...I dunno something like the blues I guess.
My mom n dad made a mess who's willing to confess he's never been the best son or sibling, the one who did bring shame to the family name
A flame. Lost in he clouds of smoke.
No joke
We soak up the suffering n the sadness
To the point of madness
Dad this....isn't the way it's suppose to b,is it?
I avoid your calls n refuse to visit
Sometimes I think I hear u call my name
The way u did when I was a boy n we were playing a game
Gabblie ****, monkey, or worm
I'm 30 years old but u still use the term
After how many times this bridge has been burned
U helped me rebuild, warm welcomed return
Ud think I would learn n I did as a kid,
You'll always love me, despite the **** that I did
I use to cry when I'd see u calling when I went off the grid
I felt such failure, how many times r u gonna have to bail yer
kid outta jail, so he can just home n snort another rail
Then lie to your face, accepted my position as a disgrace
A grown man behind bars who just wants to feel daddy's embrace
To u I'm not fair we spent so much more time together while I was there
Just know that I care, but I can't bare to b swallowed by your stare
When u look in my eyes n your son is not there,
Both torn apart within that moment we share
Realize as I try my best not to look high
That Everything that I say, is still a lie to this day.
Every night I still pray that I'll wake up n not b this way
But for now all I can say is I'm sorry....silently too myself
The words "Im still a tweeker "stuck within my mouth

I'm tired of going at it
I think ive just about had it
Glad it. Had to come to this
Make it harder to miss
The commonly cold hearted
Who Quickly departed as soon as in sight u started to see
What u might call the real me
How could I b such a sucker?
Overly sensitive n sorry *******
Told her I loved her
I didn't think that she would say
"I do too, just not the same way"
Too many dues left to pay
I'm ok with the sky's grey, the ties may.
Bind one with some times glum
Grew to gloomy
No reason u had to do me like u did
From your raised voice I hid,
Cuz your words hurt.
Like I didn't already feel like dirt

don't look at me with the sad eye, you knew **** well I wore the badge of the bad guy.
I understand that I ,have made more than a couple mistakes.
basically nothin more then a man who devastates n breaks anyone he gets to close to.
believe me I never chose to, live like this but life is hit or miss
guess not everybody's dealing with **** like this.
I bet about now you regret that kiss.
Grew up in a home where chaos is all I've ever known.
came to the conclusion were better off alone
but its too late
I've already grown into a man made monster.who wants her to do nothing more then save the day
take it all away ,make it ok
but that's not the way ***** gonna play out.
I should just get a tattoo on my head that says stay out.
don't try n find whats on my mind like I'm some kind of puzzle that needs to b solved.  I've evolved into what I need to be
not so Easily, understood why i never did the things that i knew i should
God forbid anyone finds out about the things I did.
Stayin off the grid cuz I know I got it comin.
Gotta keep hummin the tunes, that still holds a bit happiness, of a boy. yet to destroy.
desperately holding on to that joy the sound carries on.
For that moment the troubles r non..existent..
resistant to believe anyone knows what I need
so that wrong number I'm gonna keep callin cuz it's the only way to keep the rats from gnawin

I don't even know why I do the things I do maybe it's true that it's all because of u
then again maybe it's not, maybe this is all I got
since u been gone seems to b the only thing I can depend on
to make me feel better n I got no money for anything but
n I got this feeling in my gut that it's not the way to go n I know that I'm making a mistake, but it's so hard to break free
from what is just me being me
trying to escape the memories of what was once we
now just little ol me, lookin for some green grass n a shade tree .
but u can't escape the changing season
every single night I stack reason upon reason of why I don't wanna have to wake up
all I've ever done is take up space
I don't wanna have to face this bad place, I've put myself in
I wanna b the one who's helpin,not the one who needs help
I wanna b the one givin the advice. not the one payin the price
of being the nice guy
why try if u know u can't win?
this has been, a good look into my heartbreak n hopelessness
lets hope it's just a phase n there's better days to come, for the one who will never understand why u left in the first place
leaving me to live out the worst case
scenario... I survived barely thou
so many sleepless nice wondering where'd u go
how can u show such little consideration?
disappeared over night. no fight,  I know I didn't do everything right,but I tried
u lied
I remember u tellin me that ud always b mine, everything will b fine, n it'll all pass in time
on the line..callin collect from the county cryin
cuz they tell me,I cant go home for another 2years
had to hide the tears,n the fact that I was overcome with fears, n frustration
not to mention the devastation after get beat down for changing the station
on the radio.
little Wayne playin, over n over. sound of his voice I couldn't stand the
**** POWER 106, THE SOUTH SIDE, N SAMANTHA!