As I explored these paths again my head swelled                  
It was always the same places
The same streets and street lamps
and the cold, damp, and dense air hanging over me
Everything is so cold and I know it's my fault
my fault for ruining everything
How can I even apologize?

Is anything ever going to change?
or am I going to walk this maze until my legs give out
and I succumb to these disgusting thoughts clinging
clinging to the veins of my frozen heart
my heart, frozen in time
my heart, broke so many times
my heart, giving its all only for it to rip away
But it's my fault I put my heart through so much pain
It's my fault I put myself through all this self-blame
There has to be a way to fix these broken parts of me
A way to apologize for the pain and despair I've caused
But
How can I even apologize?

but what about my eyes? my eyes can still see, can’t they?
they can see the obvious disappointment
the disappointment that’s all so obvious
I see it
I see it every time
I am astounded by my ability to disappoint
over and over again
I'm sorry to those people
The ones I've disappointed
But there are so many of you
How can I even apologize?

there are cracks
cracks in the most beautiful stone
the stones found in the ruins of hidden remains
remains of an indescribably beautiful city
a city that shone brighter than the brightest star
It glittered like pyrite
not like gold
the pyrite city may have given off an iridescent shine
but It was dark
darker than the deepest, raging saltwater waves
darker than the night sky without pestering clouds
darker than the thoughts of those who wore a porcelain face
and that gooey darkness was seeping through the cracks
of those beautiful stones
those fake stones, the ones that gave off that too-good-to-be-true shine
were cracking under the pressure
and letting the compression release

i build walls of lies
but not just for rejection
i build walls of lies for everyone's protection
i do it to keep them crying
i do it to keep them from dying
i do it to keep them happy
i do it so they will like me
i just want to be accepted, is that so bad?
but i know i tend to trap you
ensare you in the endearing lies
because of that i know you want to get rid of me so very bad
but ill cling, grab, and claw
every obstacle that grows
i reign supreme in these walls made of lies
sometimes i lie to make people cry and tell them that im lying
but that doesn't happen very often
because if i was abandoned again
i simply would become thin
my skin is thick and can take strong spikes
the spikes people throw at my walls upon walls of lies
inside those walls
is a web full of flies
the flies can't escape when they've all fallen into the sweet
honey-covered web
inside my walls of lies

oh spring how you feel me with a newfound hatred
oh spring how you flaunt your carrying of the seeds of colorful wildflowers and young dandelions
oh spring how you take the decayed leaves and frozen grass and transform them back to life
oh spring how you fluctuate between the frost and cold chill of winter and the dry and warm feeling of summer
oh spring how you make me hate the smell of pollen
oh spring how i dislike you
oh spring how you give off an eerie feeling with your ever so changing weather
oh spring how you blind me with the bright rays you brought from behind the snowy clouds
oh spring won't you just go away?