The taste of your bourbon sweet lips
in the backseat of my car
on a gravel road
that I haven't visited since high school...
If only we were driving a '91 Civic,
I would swear that I was 17 again.

There are things that I won’t apologize for:
Texting you back immediately
Or multiple messages in a row
Saying I miss your face
Even when I know you probably don’t miss mine
Wanting to exist near you
Wishing for existential conversation
Needing to hear your voice
Loving the pieces of you that you try to hide
I’m not sorry for any of these
I never will be

I am sorry for:
Mixed signals
Not always knowing how to be myself around you
Confusing dialogue that i intended to stay in my head
The awkwardness of drunk me and my girlfriends
Never being able to navigate correctly the line between enough and too much
Retreating into myself when I’m conflicted
I know that I not always easy to understand but I promise that I’m worth it.
I know that this isn’t what you wanted in the beginning but I swear it will be magic.
​

The words only come
when the chaos goes
from being outside my body
to inside my head
when my heart stops racing
and starts skipping beats.
I can only string them together
when I'm falling apart.