This absent feeling
Just warmed up by the sun
Hungry in the back seat
Just like everyone
She's driving towards home so we think that we are done
Only to pull into the parking lot of another one
The long drives to pick up used items
The starving stomachs and the attitudes
The constant reminder that you better not be rude
The feeling you get when you finally get some food
A bean and cheese burrito
It'll have to do

I am starting to see that you have nothing to do with me
That I should just up and walk away
For whatever reason it may be
But it is a gut wrenching feeling
For whatever reason
I have to leave you in the dust and not tell you anything
I have to get back on my grind
It takes one step at a time
The things you are saying without even saying it
The places you go and you aren't even paying

I am going to write about you until I can't anymore
All I can think about is the negative person that you are
The jealous rat that seems to hide behind these big brown eyes
We are all so terrified
If we leave it up to you then nothing would be done
So you take mindless orders from everyone
You think that it's normal
It is not
You lay and watch and clean all day as if it's the only thing you know how to do
As if that is the definition of you

You are so jealous it's sad
You take the best idea of hers and make it your own
You make everyone around you feel great
Because you would do anything to keep a smile on their face
It is not necessarily a bad thing
It isn't a great thing either
See you bribe them into believing that you are superior
You make them fall in love with your so called kind heart
But in reality you just do not want to be left in the dark
No one really likes you and no one really cares
But when it comes down to it
You'd say you're being fair

Why do you choose to pretend to care about someone?
Why do you acknowledge them?
When all you do is talk behind their back
When all you do is throw shade
When all you do is try and bully them
When all you are is cruel to them
Why do you pretend to care

It feels like I won't be able to love again
I don't know if I am just bored at the thought of it
The touching does not excite me
I am bitter at the thought
The affection and smiles seem synthetic
Because they always have been before
Where do we go to find love again
The answer is that no one knows

It’s almost like my heart has eyes
Big huge eyes with no lashes
And dark rings that surround them
With no lips or ears so the senses are limited
It’s like the only thing my heart can do is look around like it has lost its shoes
Or keys
Or remote
Or almost anything
It’s like my heart can no longer sing