Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Poems by Dayana Sep 2015
I want to describe to those who can't see
the view from my window.
I want to try my very hardest
to portray the truth of it as I see it
through only my eyes. The colors faded,
once they were vibrant.
Yellows and warm reds, I feel as though I am in a villa.
Somewhere else, not Florida,
the air it shifts slowly through the palm trees
which I have become accustomed to.
A nice melody plays through my speakers,
something tropical and smooth
you can't hear the singers ego,
she's in love with her soul
and her music , and she doesn't bother me.
You can't see the small lake from where I'm sitting but you can
feel it's ease, the fishes and turtles in it, I've become acquainted with.
It's perfect. Others have their windows open, and I become part of them,
Everything is so beautiful and I feel calm and at ease.
I've seen it so many times before I wander why it is not enough
to keep me content,
It would be
It truly would be
If I didn't have the voices inside of my head.
giving thanks. despite
Poems by Dayana Sep 2015
Oh the allure
of myself
here I am standing
along side
open windows
into the world
so that I become
like a moving painting
to those bystanders
looking
but there is no one
so I stand
and forget
I cry
and I dance
I am a moving piece of artwork
to the bystanders looking
but there is nobody
so that I become consumed
by my own mind,
hrowing and heaving
dancing and crying
so that I am a moving piece of artwork
to the one person
staring
when they stare I do not know
but I am aware that they look
otherwise I wouldn't feel so
ashamed
to be a moving piece of artwork
to the bystanders.
Poems by Dayana Sep 2015
when did I become disregarded as a human
I guess i let that side of me disappear
i still felt it in my tears
they fell and feel
and even the drugs couldn't numb away
whatever was being washed away
by all the hate
I wonder what I was becoming
or If i could even pull myself together
where was I nowhere
I think I left and I was succumbing to being
angry
all the time
just angry
I couldn't undo
what was happening
and I couldn't explain
I never felt so much
disdain
I think I have the worst of all brains
I bring out the worst of everybody
and who does that make me
I had no one to turn to
not even my own mother
I had lost everything
I was down to nothing
How could I forget I'm a human,
when did i become degraded
how did i let in this sort
of dogma
I was standing still
but all i thought of was running
the two forces pulling at each other
and I was being torn apart a pain
so real
I forgot to feel at all
Poems by Dayana Jul 2015
one time I was thinking about money.
and it was late at night.
I don't remember what I was thinking
oh yea I had just started this new business
get rich quick scheme
pyramid of sorts
and I was planning and plotting
planning and plotting on how I would make hundreds of
thousands of dollars
by the end of the year
I couldn't sleep
it must of been
well past midnight
I had taken in a woman
a homeless woman
we made a whole day out of it
smoked synthetic marijana
she was coming down off of herione
and I couldn't sleep .
I went to CVS
to buy
nyquil
so I could sleep
in my bed
back home
next to this beautiful creature I had brought home.
we prayed that day
and cried
together
I was thinking so hard about that money
I went into the CVS
i had no shoes on ,
snobbishly
I picked my items
and I was thinking so hard
about that money.
the guy .
the guy at the counter runs my card
and it won't go though
the outrage I thought
I was thinking so hard about that money
I musta had like a couple dollars in my bank,
I had spent it all
on that synthetic marijuana.
but I was snoobish
and thinking hard about that money,
and he started to look faint
and I swear my glare didn't change ,
my face remained the same
emotionless
and I was thinking so hard about that money
it was well past midnight
and I was thinking so hard about that money
he started to get white
and my expression remained the same
and I was thinking so hard about that money
and he stumbled from behind the counter
he didn't look so good
it was well past midnight
and I was thinking so hard about that money
and then he got sick
and my expression didn't change
and my card wouldn't go through
and nobody cared.
and I was thinking so hard about that money,
and I wanted to steal those items,
and I was outraged that my card didn't go through
and I didn't help him,
I still can't believe I didn't help him,
Poems by Dayana Jul 2015
Where am I !
I am not here!
This can not be Real!
This nightmare!  
will it all go away
when will it be
okay for me?
I am so afraid
I am so afraid
I am all alone.
Really .
Literally alone
here in this room,
what is it with me
why can't I just be ,
I want to forget
everything
I think I loved to hard,
remained to loyal ,
wanted to repent,
I've been like this my whole life,
never being able
to be close
to anyone
or anything,
people
have this way
to hate me .
I wander why ,
My whole life,
sometimes i feel that i deserve it
sometimes i feel that the whole world is against me
so i boost my ego up
I've become accostumed to the hate.
they hated me
for being poor,
they hated me for being liked,
they hated me for being me,
they hated me all the time ,
they hated me when I was up
they hated me when I was down,
they loved me for a time,
they hate me for being me
they hate me for being me
they hate me
so that it's becomes a part of me
How do I do away
with something that won't go away
How do I take it back
How do I say
so I have learned
How do I forget
As the world defends itself from the anxiety of death,
a wind-caressed woman waits by the water,
and signals for silence, unceremoniously.
Waiting for the blood-banks to breed ideals --
which will, inevitably, be exported --
that will turn Natives into faceless, finger-painted  
neo-orphans of the broken nuclear home;
old souls, convinced to be the youth in revolt,
and to be the scrambled egg individuals of a melting ***, that disguises uniform for diversity.

Her lavender dress dribbles the spiraling air, as the copper dust swims by her ankles, knees, and thighs.
I do not remember when she told me that everything we do and say is a defense-mechanism,
distracting us from the fact that one day we will die and be as imaginative as the roles we give ourselves,
as the people we think blend into us,
and as the gods we use as an alternative to a morphine drip.

I stood by the bad river, knowing that all of my attempts at being more than what I was,
was my grasp at an out-of-reach eternity,
and a dream of a humanity that could be affected by one person.

I do not remember when she told me,
"All of our attempts at progressing,
is our way with dealing that we will someday die
and may not have been successful at living forever."
Poems by Dayana Jul 2015
i am mystified
at the utter unexplanation
of my explanation
there are no books
on this holiest of earths
that can explain
my exhalation
i am alone
in this experiment
doomed
to live my days in this
darkest of curses cast unto me
I can not explain it
recede into myself
one, two, three pills
so I can better it
turn the transmission off
apologize
for ever looking to find
something
which was right there
I cower
I holler
in silence
inside
i'm hollow
my eyes hold no depth
I become a shell
prone to break with a breath
if I were to crack
there would be nothing
nothing at all
nothing left.
I am dancing
waiting
to be mystified again
I ask forgiveness
I see myself in a mirror
I see the bad I could hurt myself
I could run
I am the animal
#self #animal #selfquestioning #pain #drama #forgiveness
Next page