there's a certain excitement, i think, when something is new
every time you see it, it glows with newness
i think this is the same with people too
they're the first thing you think about when you wake up
the last when you go to bed
and they also glow with a newness
but unlike with things i buy
i don't want this person's glow to fade
right now they are shining, so brightly
i grin when i think about them
and i'm never not thinking about them
but i don't want their light to flicker out
i don't want to look at them and see a burnt out dim bulb
i want them to always be the brightest person in the room
i want them to light up the world
because they have already lit up my darkest rooms

i am stuck in a crowd and i cant get to you
i try to run but can barely walk
my hands grasping shoulder to shoulder trying to keep my self afloat
afloat in this ocean of faces, each feeling more and more like sharks gnawing at me
i beg my legs to kick to swim away from the sharp fatal teeth
but just as i can't run, i can't swim
my legs move in slow motion as i look for you
all around me there is chatter
people are talking and listening to each other
but no one can hear me
every one has blinders on blocking me out
i desperately look for you but i don't see you
i whisper to myself "where are you"
i scream your name and hear no reply
i can't even hear myself
my mind forms a haze
i look down to my hands and can't see them anymore
they are blocked by the fog
a fog of panic
of terror
i fear i won't wake up
i fear i have lost you

it was just one week
you said it feels like love
I said it's just one week
it overwhelmed me
me heart rose and feel with my emotions
I spiraled
swirling and stirring
I wasn't ready
I'm still not
I so desperately want to be, but I so dearly am not
three weeks isn't long, but it feels like the best kind of forever
it must me special or it's not real
I think
but is that possible in just three weeks?

but now eight weeks have gone by
I said I loved you but I didn't
I haven't even thought about you
and I'm not even sorry