Somewhere along the line,
I lost all self control.
Reckless actions led to reckless feelings I've never felt before.

I tried to fight them off,
but I just can't get enough.
These reckless feelings have me touching the ceiling and ending on the ground.

Because every time I push,
they pull me in again.
And every time I pull,
they push me down.
I'm on my hands and knees,
begging for mercy,
when the only I can give mercy to myself.

Broken things don't mend themselves,
love doesn't grow without proper soil.
My brains got rust on all the gears but I won't give them any oil.

I love to fly 'cause I love the high,
even if I crash and burn.
I'll relive it over and over again because I know I'll never learn.

I will start the fire,
and let myself burn.
And I will break my bones,
and end up on the shelf.
I'm on my hands and knees,
begging for mercy,
when only I can give mercy to myself.

I took a gun,
and put it to my head,
safety off,
fully loaded.

I didn't shake,
didn't hesitate.
Finger on the trigger,
finger on my fate.

Didn't breakdown,
didn't make a sound,
all I did was smile.

Every year autumn comes around,
and everyone deals with it.
But I sit on the ledge,
thinking,
rocking back and forth hoping just maybe I'll fall.

I'm hearing sounds for the first time again,
but they bring back faint memories,
that sting each time I try to remember them.
I've hit the reset, involuntarily,
like so many years before.
Now I'm learning to crawl,
to feel,
to see,
to breathe.
Nothing I learned is there,
all swept away in a flash flood of disorder,
leaving me speechless,
and tired.
I just want to sleep.

When I look out the window,
I see green on the trees,
blood in my head,
blood everywhere.
Gravity isn't what's holding me down,
what's keeping me here.
I've hit a wall and there's no sound,
nothing to comfort me,
so I bleed,
all over the trees,
all over the walls.

Spiraling,
down,
down,
down,
crashing,
smashing,
impact,
layers of hate,
miles of pain,
back to Earth.

It's easier to fold than to fight,
easier to give up every night,
easier to choose wrong, not right,
easier to lie down and die,
than to choose to be alive.