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  Jan 2015 Bailey Metcalf
Dahlia
The bullet flew so quickly from the pistol it felt like the blood in my veins stopped for a moment
As if quantum physics were just a mere myth
Of random laws and physicists
Each individual cell and atom in my body stopped and rushed to abyss

Thump, thump.

As the bullet reached the end of your skull, I swore I died instead of you
But instead of dying and leaving the realm of the living I enter bliss and happiness

Flowers scattered over bright green grass for miles,
Soft and whispering wind rushed past my freckled skin
The trees swayed with the wind
It brought an epitome of perfection, only your carcass brought death and decay

Snapping back to reality, your eyes rolled back, and your jaw opened wide
I wanted to tear it open, to give you a somewhat permanent evil smile
Your body hit the ground so hard, the sound vibrated across my body, giving my heart the ability to beat normally again
You looked so peaceful for a mere moment
I swore I could have kissed you even though I despise your very being

Your skin quickly went colorless, and you laid there so still
I burst into panicked laughter, and covered my filthy mouth
It was definitely rude to laugh at someone's death

My stomach growls, and my hands shake with satisfaction
I've finally done it. I killed my insecurities

After a short moment of freedom and what seemed to be like genuine tears of joy...
Your eyes roll back to normal, and they focus me closely
Rising from the ground, you flick your hair back as if the wind blew it out of place
You fix your shirt, as if the blood stains weren't there

"It's so silly to think you could get rid of me so easily," you say.

I'm never going to feel alive ever again
Bailey Metcalf Dec 2014
you aren't
pushing me to go
but you're also not
pushing me to stay
so where do you want me to go
or do you even want me
I don't know anymore
and you sure as hell
aren't telling me what you want
so just make up your mind already
do you want me
or should I just go?

[bnm]
Bailey Metcalf Dec 2014
everyone has some sort of addiction that takes away the pain
some worse than others
but there is always
something to take it away
mine was a physical addiction
a blade cutting deep into my skin
allowing blood to spill out
each drop signifying my pain
or a flame running across my skin
the hundreds of degrees burning
the light being my pain
or holding that gun to my head
the bullet showing all the pain
all of the years and years of hurt
this was my addiction
physically damaging myself
as well as mentally
but the physical pain was to
take away the mental pain
and for a short time it did
for just a bit I was distracted
from my pain and hurt
but it was never enough
to make it go away
no matter how much I tried
it was always there
and even got worse time after time
but if it's an addiction
then for some reason
you enjoy it
or you hope that it will
take the pain away
why are you addicted to this

[bnm]
Bailey Metcalf Dec 2014
maybe to this world
I am just a burden
just someone who is here
weighing others down
in no way impacting people
for the good
like I am just sitting on their shoulders
or pulling them down
tearing them apart
being of no good to them
is that what anyone wants
to have happen to them
is that what anyone wants
to feel like they are in this world
so just let yourself go
you're better off that way
people are better off
without you

[bnm]
Bailey Metcalf Dec 2014
everything is becoming a blur
slowly fading
feeling myself let go
going to another place
and leaving this one behind
this place that has you
need to be somewhere
that doesn't have you
where I can't see or think of you
I'm falling up into the clouds
going higher and higher
but feeling lower and lower
all of this just to let go of you
to forget that I am missing you
maybe this time I won't wake up

[bnm]
Bailey Metcalf Dec 2014
I am stuck between somewhere
and nowhere
searching to be found
but still miles away
it's pitch black here
but I'm okay
feeling not like nothing
but not like something
I'm not living
but I'm not dying
just simply breathing
but I'm okay
close to letting go
but still holding on
but I'm okay
my heart is shattered like glass
broken in millions of pieces
but I'm okay
you left me
without a reason
you left me
to think of the reason
you left me
to cry at night
but I'm okay

[bnm]
Bailey Metcalf Dec 2014
I was never good at saying goodbye
and I never thought
I'd have to say that to you
but I guess all good things
come to an end
especially when you least expect
good things
we were more than
a good thing
you were the best thing
that has ever happened to me
and that was the worst thing
that could've happened
why is it even called a goodbye
nothing was good about that
I lost you
you were the most important
thing to me
you were my everything
my whole world
and I thought I was yours
but I guess I was wrong
all the things you said
you never meant
we were destined for goodbye
from the beginning

[bnm]
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