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321 · Jul 2019
This Lover
Awesome Annie Jul 2019
I froze time
Just to be with him.
Pausing chaos
Just to obtain freedom.
I can never have enough...

When he kissed me
It all stood still.
His breath
On my lips
And my heart in my throat.

I crave him
So intensely.
But this time
he would not
Accept resistance.
His patience gone
From waiting
And his hunger growing more.

My pants slipped
And
His mouth
found me.
So sweet and wet.
I lost all control.
Toes curl.
I gasp in disbelief.

I found bliss.
His skill exceeding
All expectations.
He does this so well...
My fingers
Tangle in his hair
As fireworks burst.

Time ticks away
As we lose ourselves
In eachother.
It ending with
Me on top
enjoying the view.
This lover is
Unlike any
I've ever had before...
His tenacious hands
Grasping me whole.
312 · Jan 2021
Shame
Awesome Annie Jan 2021
Shame woven into me, to escape the things I've done. In shadow it reminds me, it's a battle that can't be won.

Fingerprints along the walls, that match my very hand. It holds to gently or grips to tight, and lost is the magic sand.

Were where you all that time ago, when I needed strength the most? Now my past self haunts me, like the lingering of a ghost.

Never is there a witch when you need one, to cast a magic spell. Circles drawn and cauldrons bubbled, when I saved myself from hell.
308 · Mar 2023
Our Love
Awesome Annie Mar 2023
Our love is
untouchable.
Deeply rooted
and forever growing.
Built on a foundation
that's unbreakable
and unchangeable.

Exceeding
this world
and surpassing
what's come before us.
Our love
is soul connected
clear and profoundly pure.
308 · Dec 2020
Between Space And Silence
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
He mentioned my favorite book in bed,
reading my thoughts aloud,
and stripping me further.
How easily I fell for him.

Misplaced is this part of me,
I can no longer find.
Tossed bedside earrings that fell carelessly,
becoming abandoned in bedsheets.

I dream of him less now,
fading knowledge that his body,
once fit so perfectly with mine.
His eyes carry so much depth,
that I couldn't discover reason.

Distance fills this gap,
so I tuck it away into corners.
Swept emotions into the closet,
pushed away with missing him.

I must love the wrong way,
always knowing,
he wouldn't stay.
taking the most intimate part of me offered,
I stand here,
between space and silence.
302 · Dec 2020
Perverts And Nicotine
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
He said he caught himself thinking of my long legs when I was absent.

I froze...Silent and annoyed...

Perhaps he was over confidant when he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.

I slapped him.

It made me feel cheap so I lit a cigarette. I inhaled deeply watching the smoke swirl... if I could just fade away with it.

Lights to bright and sounds that burst. My head hurts...I flick my ash.

Now he's frozen...just watching me.

Perverts and nicotine have the same stench. Both a bad habit I need to quit.
284 · Sep 2014
Maybe
Awesome Annie Sep 2014
If I take each breathless verse he wrote and put it in my pocket,
Maybe then I can tuck it away,
and keep that part of him close to me.

If arms could wrap around me, blanketing me in warm comfort,
Maybe then I'd get swept away in his desire to have me.

If I could just peek within the corners of his mind,
Maybe then I wouldn't be so afraid to fall.

If I could get past the maybe that tends to linger on my lips,
Maybe then my heart will heal.

If fingertips could gently touch,
And lips could softly meet,
Maybe then stars would collide and I may not drown.
284 · Jan 2023
Hurt And Hope
Awesome Annie Jan 2023
In the end
what hurt the most
wasn't the confirmation
of how much he hated me.

It wasn't the verbal abuse
the words that linger
and haunt
causing pain all this time after.

It wasn't the emotional abuse
the neglect
or the cold heart
that cut
and left frost bitten scars
on my soul.

It wasn't the mental abuse
of how incompetent
how worthless
I am as a person
or how his voice still rings
in my head
trying to convince me
that I am not worthy of love.

What hurts the most is the hope.
Hope that he will change
Hope that he will heal
Hope that he will see me
for who I am
and not what he's tainted
and twisted
into the memory of.

The hope that
some small part of him
truly did love me
before
he aimed to destroy me.
280 · May 2023
He Slips
Awesome Annie May 2023
He slips softly into thought.
Causing my stomach
to turn
and
my heart to ache.
I don't want to love him anymore.
Times passed
and I'm void of comprehension,
a lack of understanding
on how he still has
such a profound impact
on my soul.
271 · Jan 2023
Ghost
Awesome Annie Jan 2023
Old wounds reopen
the pain
suffocating.
The conversation
between us is so small.
How can someone
I keep so close
be so far away?
Lost in physical form
but haunting
In spirit.
He's a ghost
and I'm just
a person
he never really knew.
265 · Mar 2023
I Can Rebuild
Awesome Annie Mar 2023
I can live with out them.
The words that cut me.
The demons that haunt me.
The boys that couldn't love me.
I am enough.

I can live without the mistakes
they make my chest tight
they make me doubt myself.
The dirt on my hands that never
came clean.
I can cleanse myself.

I can live without distortion.
The twisted world I lived in.
The lies and manipulation
the contorted memories
and pointed fingers.
I can just be whole.

I can move on from my past.
Heal from the pain.
Heal my world of ruin.
Set aside what's been lost.
It's beyond me now.
My future is forward.
I can rebuild.
265 · Jan 2023
Pride And Shame
Awesome Annie Jan 2023
I have knelt,
Knees to ground
And head bowed
before the fallen.
My decent slow,
And harrowing.
Leaving me
shattered
And no longer whole.  

I have held conviction,
In the faithless.  
Refusing to waiver,
Solidified by belief
In something that could,
And would,
Never be.  

Vigilant and coherent,
I witnessed myself break.
Pieces of me distorted,
Distributed along the floor.
My hands cut on jagged edges,
That I could not,  
And would not,
Be able to piece back together.
I am now,
a mosaic of who I once was.  

My world has ended
On more than one occasion.
Tears creating rivers,
To vast to cross
And so I drowned.
The internal conflict
Of whom I once was,
And who I am now,
coming into vision.
Consuming is the concept
Of whether I should be
proud,
Or ashamed of these things.
253 · Oct 2022
Journey
Awesome Annie Oct 2022
I wept an ocean and dared to drown, in the waves of yesterday. I lingered exhausted on its shore, but I knew I couldn't stay.

I walked a path of hardened stone, my boots torn and broken. I sealed my lips of secrets kept, horrors survived yet never spoken.

I held hope in tenacious hands, a flicker of flame that I could see. Pulling myself from darkened past, is this reflection really me?

I've swam so hard and traveled so far, to find this strength within my soul. I reach for a better tomorrow, the scars I bare now make me whole.

Patchwork shards put carefully in place, a mosaic that beats within my chest. Bent but never broken it drums, my feet keeping the rhythm on this quest.
252 · Dec 2020
Fates Embrace
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
Fire dances all around me, setting this life to flame. Destruction engulfing all I've built, I am the one to blame.

I won't cry as I watch it burn, and dim to a dying ember. Gathering ashes off the floor, it's all I have left to remember.

Place them in my pocket, next to the matches I lit to spark. Hoping to catch light, to what was lurking in the dark.

I'll leave this world of ruin, wish to be among the stars. Every decision that we make, leaves us marked with scars.

Smoldering to smoke now, I'm moving towards a better place. Putting the past behind me, I surrender to Fate's embrace.
249 · Dec 2020
Moonbeams And Broken Dreams
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
I place my bare feet to the Earth, my long hair flowing free. I stretch my palms up to the Moon, and ask her to heal me.

Wind blows around me, Winter chill framing my face. My dress clings to the curves of my body, all pain and fears erased.

I won't hang my head anymore, I refuse to drown in Sorrow. I don't have all the missing pieces, but I'll Hope for a better tomorrow.

Dance can be a magical thing, it helps in untold ways. Moonbeams all around me, I haven't felt this Light in days.

I absorb the Universe, I just want to be set free. To cast aside these broken dreams and find Tranquility.
239 · Nov 2020
You Are A Work Of Art
Awesome Annie Nov 2020
You are abstract.
Rare in our world of black and white.
So full of color that you burst.
Beautiful on canvas and in theory.

Stunning is you when you shine.
Breathless is me here before you.
I want so badly to fill in the cracks.

Contrasting elements leave us lingering
in this place that we now can frame.

I could look at you for hours not wanting to blink.
Gazing into the powerful man,
Seeing beyond what others may see.

I'm captivated and perhaps a bit shaken. Always left in such awe. 

I say this with absolute certainty,
needing to catch your tears in my hands.
You are a masterpiece.
You are a work of art.
233 · Dec 2020
Runaway
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
I could fill my hands with wishes.
Vials of fairy dust tucked deep in my pocket.
one day,
I might need it.
But that day I think may never come.

Prayers whispered on red stained lips,
but they drop sincerely,
with to much heart.
Silence says to much in ways I can't comprehend.

Wind says that it can take me to a place, where shadows can't haunt me.
Sorrow can't sit on my door step,
reminding me of things that want to consume to much of me.

Monsters grab me in the night.
Profanity and ****** don't mix well with whiskey.
My stomach is always twisted in knots of strangled butterflies.

I could be a runaway.
Just another face on a milk carton,
or those cluttered bulletin boards at Walmart.
I fade away so easily,
flowers in my hair and feet bare,
sunshine warming my face.
220 · Dec 2020
Pieces Of Me
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
These are all the pieces of me, Take them as you go. Where they fit I never knew, its been so long I just don't know.

Once I was broken badly, but I never could quite find. Were it was along this journey, that I lost my mind.

Just take my shattered essence, that used to be my soul. I tried to paste it back together once, but I could never make it whole.

I watch you walk away from me, if I didn't care I wouldn't cry. Just take these broken pieces please, so you never ask me why.
216 · Dec 2020
Begin Again
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
Promises in conversations made, as I whisper in the night. Only to find memory gone, with the rising light.

Tapping counts like drum sticks pounding, my brain set in motion.
Illusions come and fade to go, leaving me drowning in emotion.

Cast about I write the list, ignoring my very own plea. Pain so clearly visible, runs deeply within me.

Each day brings a new hope, as I let the sunrise warm me from within. I pick up all the pieces of myself, and with strength begin again.
215 · Dec 2020
I Give Into Water
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
There are no words
    to describe
                what's come over me.
Waves of emotions crash
       dragging me down
to drown.
I struggle to suppress the pain,
       to not give into it.
Icy liquid,
a brilliant blue wraps itself around my body.
       Tears burn my eyes
stinging    with   salt.
My stupidity brought this on.
     I broke my own rules.
               I knew better.
Why struggle if it's deserved?
I    give    up
allow myself to drown.
         Sinking fast
water   and   tears      choke me.
My thoughts are annoyance,
buzzing           constantly.
I let it drift away
you can't save me this time....
      I let you drift away....
I sink
suffocate
    my weakness disgusts me.
I'm to tired to fight,
        to hurt to care anymore.
I give into water.
     Consume me,
take me to the ocean
      floor
drown me.
          I offer you my life.
              I give into water.
215 · Dec 2020
My Reflection
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
I wish I knew the women I see, when I look at my own reflection. Age and scars marked into skin, I can count all the imperfection. 

Age escaped me, and time turned thief with backward rhymes of yesterday. Watching age set into the surface, youth the cost I had to pay. 

My hair flows around my face, I wish I recognized this beautiful vision. But I am just a frame of myself, binded by Destiny's decision. 

Epiphany knocked me on my ***, I break my own heart every ******* time. I crumble and fall to pieces, over what the stars won't speak divine. 

Who is me, this women I see, when glimpses come into view? A small fragment of myself, a memory of me, like someone I once knew...
210 · Dec 2020
Casting Wishes
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
It lingers like music notes.
Fading into a forbidden echo,
of what it was,
and is supposed to still be.

I pressed my lips to pennies,
watching them slip away,
falling into liquid space.

I bowed my head in prayer,
mostly out of pure desperation.
Pushing my hair back from my face,
I whispered hopes to the unknown.
Has he forgotten my name?

Balancing on my very tiptoes,
I collect,
abandoned stars that now cease to evolve.

I dance with bare feet,
hair wild in the moonlight.
With each fluid movement,
all of me absorbs the winds symphony.

I blow on whising flowers,
scattering endless possibilities with each breath.
Casting wishes,
and catching tainted tears in cupped hands.
209 · Jul 2020
Just Another...
Awesome Annie Jul 2020
Backyard lit by white lights
a fire burning
My cheeks flushed
From ample wine
and laughter.

I sit here gracelessly
Trying to evade
His sideways glances
And the way
hunger
Clings to his lips.

Do I allow him
To have me?
Temptation compelling
Heart raw and beating
My inhibition
Stripped
I am now bare.

Legs spread
And lips parted
He is greedy with me
Gasping from the need
Hands tangled in my dark hair.

He is just another
Indent on my mattress
  Another name
Written on an unspoken list
  Just another mark
On my once pure soul.
208 · Aug 2020
When The World Crumbles
Awesome Annie Aug 2020
I had loved him
Through the darkness
Past resentment
And beyond
The missing pieces.

As I bent before him
I choked
Tears coming forth in overflow
My heart no longer
Whole.

The truth is
He stopped loving me
So long ago
That I begged him
endlessly
Not to let us slip
Not to lose me within this void.

You can’t reason
When the world crumbles
You can’t hold ruin
With trembling hands
Expecting words
To mend
what
Has been lost
And left behind.
204 · Dec 2020
Surviving
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
It's etched upon my skin, scars I can't unsee. No matter the time that separates past, ugly is what I've come to be.  

Bold fury that once hit its mark, it's now burned into my very being. All the abuse for my own good, something I was to afraid of seeing. 

Worthless was always the word, used to describe who I am. Even to hear it now, truly crumbles who I am. 

Time can ease a lot of things,  but life just wears me down. I can't help the things I think, when he's not around..

I wish I was a hero, who rose to heartfelt glory. But really I'm just broken, and surviving is my life story.
200 · Dec 2020
Shooting Star
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
I saw it twinkling in the night, so I reached up towards the sky. I wanted so badly to catch it in my hands, but the universe wouldn't yet comply.

I thought of words that made my heart skip, but none more then the ones you said. Stars so brightly circle me, possibilities fill my pretty head.

Scattered about so endlessly, astrology beyond what I can see. If I catch this shooting star, maybe fate will leave us be.

It passes by a moon we share, that casts an eerie glow. Mystics relics can't reveal, something our hearts already know.

I close my eyes and catch that star, plucked it from the night. Now I kneel on bended knee, wishing with all my might.
198 · Jul 2020
Desolation
Awesome Annie Jul 2020
Tears slip from my dark brown eyes,
And fall across this endless space.
Prayers fault through red stained lips,
Endless invocation to reverse
what I am now so desperate to erase.

Breathing can be so tedious,
As days extend with such callous disregard.
How do I go on without you?
The absence has left me scarred.

Backward clocks tick in twisted rhythm,
This cavity holds time accountable for the pain.
I hate that you're no longer here
Now only the essence of memories remain.

I held my breath as it fell to ruin,
Burned and transformed by the opulent obsidian ember.
Grasping desolation in my gnarled hands
Refusing to release all that I have left to remember.
195 · Dec 2020
Poetry And Missing You
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
The absence of you seems stiff and crinkled,
Like a crumpled piece of paper.

Ink blots and words crossed,
Just discarded verses and rhythms sprawled endlessly.

Incomplete maybe in a way,
Because I no longer keep your name on my lips.
Only hidden in sheets of paper.

Can you feel the silence?
Like a discarded notebook.
To full to continue,
Lines fill the margin so it's set aside.

Even words escape me now in this.
Paused on my last verse...
195 · Jun 2020
Linen
Awesome Annie Jun 2020
Wasn't I quiet enough for you?

Did I keep your secret tucked far enough under the comforter,
Where even now,
You can't admit I have laid.

Because if you did,
You'd have to admit the never leaving,
Because it never left.
Longing always lingers in the silence between.

You've hidden me in the folds of the blanket.
Always searching through memories,
Just for a moment of what once was.

I can't return your calls.
My absence now echos through us both.
The indent of my body growing stale,
Like fading perfume on the pillow.

I know it in the way you once kissed me.
Yet now,
You only whisper my name to the bed sheets.
193 · Dec 2020
Forgetting You
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
I would like
to forget you.
But your fingerprints
are now
carved
into my skin.
The imprint
of once having you
claiming me profoundly.

Your name
stains my lips.
Only to contaminate others.
I choke
on your absence
thick and lethal.

I whispered
that I love you.
But you wouldn't hear.
I said it
only in part
silence swallowing me whole.
Creating an abyss
of words
left unsaid.

Now it seems
that days are hallow.
I sit wringing
my tenacious hands
counting seconds
that slip
into unforgivable hours.
191 · Dec 2020
Gypsy Heartache
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
I untie my hair from its knot, I just want to be set free. Place my bare feet on the earth, and allow it to heal me.

I could not stand by anymore, stolen sentiments in fist. Waiting for a sign from him, wondering what I've missed.

Long hair flowing in the breeze, I now turn my face to the sky. Wind reminds me as tears fall, that it does no good to cry.

So instead I dance to feel the universe, for joy to fill me once more. Wild and unobtainable, I've felt this pain before.

Gypsy souls are meant to wander, forever too be free. My heart is struggling just to find, why he still means so much to me.
188 · Dec 2020
Regret
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
I go down through the list of regret, the things that I've done wrong. Knowing that its a part of me, a demon I've battled all along.

A reflection of me, the women I see is bowing her head in shame. Knees to chest, regret wont rest, when you're the one to blame.

My lips are sealed in secrecy, of things I could never tell. The floor beneath me is made of glass, its no wonder that I fell.

As if an essence of a shadow lingers, that follows close behind. It rips and cuts pieces of me, and I slowly lose my mind.
185 · Nov 2020
Collected Stars
Awesome Annie Nov 2020
I kneel before the temple of Regret, prayers slip through lips of red. Collected stars in a jar, sealed with tears I have not shed.

Like lighting bugs but brighter, it shines with a blinding burst. I sipped from the waters of Lethe once, now I can never queue my thirst.

I didn't  mean to hurt him, I'll do anything to make it right. Out of pure desperation, I silently robbed the night.

I went through hell to get here, pulling constellations from the sky. I almost lost it all to Ruin, but still I refuse to cry.

This is all that's left of me, just a shell with a pretty face. So I give this jar as an offering, of the things I can't erase.
185 · Dec 2020
Divorce
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
I threw away all my dignity, I decided it wasn't worth a fight. Spent to long trying, praying that I'd get it right.

I took a match and caught that tree, that shaded marriage vows. Watched it go up in flames, and found the strength to walk away some how.

I bandage the wounds left from you, cut by that blade of poisoned lies. Took the knife out of my back, now I'm severing any ties.

I sewed my lips shut with straps of leather, that once belonged to you. I packed my bags and filled my pockets, in hopes of something new.

I carved DIVORCE into the wall, with the shattered shards of me. I took that blindfold off my eyes, so I now can clearly see.
177 · Dec 2020
To Love A Ghost
Awesome Annie Dec 2020
This man resembles shadow, his world is bleak and grey. But I would give him all of me, just to make him stay.

He is my favorite fascination, and I told him this from the start. Cupids arrow cursed us both, when it broke on hardened heart.

I never did deserve him, the truth now scattered in what we've left behind.  All the beauty that he is, but whats most magnificent is his mind.

I long to brighten up his world, and banish all his sorrow. To give him back what he's given me, hope that burns for a better tomorrow.

Never could I put to words, just how he makes me feel. He whispers that  he's just a ghost, but to me he's very real.
166 · Nov 2020
Winds Song
Awesome Annie Nov 2020
I sit beneath the tree of Innocence, hidden in the forest of Tomorrow. There I cried a lake so vast, neverending tears of Sorrow.

I can't look up towards the sun, its vanished from my view. Blue sky's I painted grey, yet another reminder of you.

I'm stepping off the edge soon, thought maybe this time I might fly. I'll climb to the very top, and hope that I won't die.

Muttered prays that only fall, they're just to heavy in heart. Everything that I touch, always falls apart.

I can't ease this ache in my chest, nor can I mend what's gone. So I sit beneath this magic tree, and listen to the Winds song.
65 · Feb 13
Love Unexpected
Awesome Annie Feb 13
I once wondered lost and off course
A strong hand extended
Amity and faith blended
Leading to a profound thought
that I was so much more.

My world once dark and oppressive
He gifted me with sight
Vibrant colors of bold ignite
Banishing ruin and dismay
Brilliant light now illuminates me.

A skip of my heart
Butterflies in motion
A thawed soul learns devotion
Destiny can be sutbtle
Sparks soon set to flame.

A familiarity in his eyes
connection beyond explanation
What occurs is pure creation
love unexpected
This blessing of abundance that we now share.
50 · Mar 6
Sex And Destruction
I opened myself
Arms stretched
Welcomed
Into his bed.
Uncaring of
What it will cost me.

Why
Am I this way?
*** is Binding
Intertwined unspeakably
Beyond lifetimes
And far past
Our hearts
Own Comprehension.

We mold together
Passion overwhelming
Self destruction
Igniting
With each ******.
Left lingering
For eternity
Between ruin and bliss.

— The End —