I think I'm the saddest I've ever been. I've never felt so much hate towards myself before. A feeling I told myself I'd never feel. I feel lost.

I'm sad that you could only call me Avery or use the right pronouns when we broke up. God you found it so hard to let ("him") or Avery slip off your tongue because you were holding onto someone who's been dead for a while now. I'm a boy and you knew it hoping/praying dear gods please not "(her)" please.. But I am. I am the sin you were praying could be prayed away. And now my heart hurts. Because I'm the sin that couldn't be prayed away and God those are the worst ones and I'm sorry.

In my head I'm sitting on a rock high above a beach enjoying everything  life has to offer. And as I look around I look down... I see an anchor attached to my ankle and out of nowhere it pulled me out into the sea I tried to pull myself back on to shore but it pulled me down to far I am drowning in everything I was supposed to be and enjoy .

All I see is beauty as your eyes fill with joy whenever you have something to tell me how when you hug me it feels more home then the house I live in it's amazing how a person can make another person feel so much

When I wake up in the morning I can feel my back bone break with every step I take it sends signals to my brain telling me just to lay back down don't get up it won't hurt if you stay here with me. In bed. So please...? Stay? And deep in my brain I'm asking what's wrong with me ? Your bones shouldn't break.

I can still feel you it's like you never left I can still feel your small soft fingers running along my back sending chills through me and your soft voice humming beautiful songs to me as I listen I listen hard the hardest I've ever listened and I notice that I am home and I know you aren't supposed to depend on anyone to make you happy because only you can do that but I did it and it tore me apart you were my home and now I am homeless laying here.
And I am so sorry for everything please take it easy on yourself because she was home and never once did you think you were going to be homeless.