I hate the way you make me feel
I hate the way you smirk at my love swollen words I write to you
They're just love notes, they're all I have to offer
But I guess it really isn't enough and I feel like a rotten piece of meat when you do this to me
I am so ******* worthless compared to you but you refuse to see how much I adore you, adore you.

You are the ringing in my ears
You are the splinter under my fingernail
You are the bruises on my shin
You are such a painful presence but I crave your pain

Pain is something you feel at all times of every day once it happens
It never goes away fully you just adapt to it like it becomes your heartbeat
You survive off of the expectation for it to thump against your chest
Even when your muscles feel like they won't ever move again, they do. And that's what you come to understand is moving on. But just because you move in does not mean your pain leaves you, it becomes as temporary as a tattoo you got when you were drunk. It's carved into your generic code and don't you dare try to remove it because it will be unseccessful and painful, leaving you empty

I've wanted to die since I was 10 years old but you spark something in me. You fill the void of my empty, frozen, coal of a heart. I feel warm when I hear from you. My insides warm up like it's a frozen Christmas morning, and I've been drinking hot coco. My heart pumps blood through my veins, I can move without hurting. You spark life in me a way that nobody ever has before. You're the thunder in my veins, the fire in my heart.