Hate
Negativity
Loss
Pain
Loud
Anger

alone

*Acceptance
Silence
Scars
New
Positivity
Love
FRIENDS

I wrote a poem or two,
Nothing too flashy.
I was wiggling my shoe
When something tickled my fancy

I'd stumbled upon a page
That made my head spin
Few fueled by rage
And most made me grin

Like there was a secret
One that came out in each piece
As if writing would weaken
The barrier of your heart and release

A truth so wonderful and bold.
So I followed and logged that day

When I returned a day or two after
I was shocked and crazed
I was filled with laughter
A single message left me dazed

I scrambled, my mind thinking
While silencing Jimney  
My friend started winking
My reasons flimsy

That's how it started
So long ago
I've changed
I've grown
Somehow I know
I should not be
Here
Waiting for you
Waiting for something more
Something like a fairytale
Where we meet years after
In a little cafe
Where we are past this teenage stupity
And we finally understand what love
Means
But for now I'm left waiting
Because I'd hate myself
To leave someone like you
I'd hate me for never having the guts
To be left waiting

Self deprecation
Mood deflation
Perfect jeans you had
A size too small
Looks when you wear
Clothes you love

Silent thoughts
Silent tears
Encouragement
Sometimes makes it worse

Wishing it wasn't like this
That your thoughts didn't turn on you

It's not about the size
Or being a zero
It's about loving your body
And I don't love me like this
I did when I was healthy
I used to love EVERYTHING about me

I feel weak
I feel used
I feel fat

The mind is powerful
It is great at deceiving
Even the strongest minds
Have a breaking point

Each person is beautiful no matter what
Because there is no one else quite like you

Heart and soul
Body and mind

Why is it that this happens?
I shouldn't chase
I shouldn't sacrifice sanity
I shouldn't cry and bleed with

Nothing

To show I'm with you
And not pining

I should be chased
I should be given flowers and chocolate
I should have the world
I don't know where you are
Or what's happened but
I know you could give me the world
If only you knew you can
That the world to me
Is very little
It's moments
It's warmth
It's the light in the dark
It's the hand brushing away tears
It's knowing you
It's seeing you
It's mutual trust



But how can there be anything in






Nothing

It hides in the darkness
And lurks in the shadows

The sun can block it out
But not keep it away in the night

Sometimes the moon is my only solace
But it leaves

Then I'm left alone

The demons whispering
Become shouts

It leaves me deaf
And blinded

The light stolen
By the hateful thieves

With that light
Leaves
My
Hope

But it lingers in my mind
Even when it's pitch black

Even when the shouts make me deaf
I hear the words

Hold
On
Possibilities
Exist

The little birdie
My little angel
My wonderful friend

Is here
They snuck in
And were beside me
They were with me
Even through the worst

When no one was here
They still were
They became my light

Even now as I'm in the dark
I know they are here
And it gives me

Hope

Why the hell do I miss you so much?







Please just tell me so I can go to sleep...

Wind blows through my hair
The grass soft against my feet
Everything seems fair
Even constrained in my seat

I have plenty of food
I'm safe and warm
Even if it's crude
I'm part of the norm

I'm sent to a place
That is padded ceiling to floor
I play with my dress' lace
While I sit there and bore

This is my punishment for speaking
I acted out to Him
The one who's been 'tweaking'
Me since life turned grim

Awful things happen here
But I'm grateful too
That I don't live with fear
The one I once knew
  
This punishment is minor
I've had it a time too many
For asking about her shiner
And counting to twenty

If I continue rebelling
And I do worse
Then spelling
I'll ride off in a hearse

I've been taken to a big crowd
I'm out of that room
That's when it went loud
And I heard a BOOM

That's the day I was found
The day I was me
I heard no other sound
But those of glee

I never understood
What I hadn't been told
And now I think how could
My parents never want to hold

Me

That was the day I was taught a word
One of beauty and glory
A word that I heard
That is its own story

A story so sweet
Saying I didn't need 'em
That I could meet
A world of freedom

in
and
out
in
and
out
calming my racing heart by
breathing
in
and
out
in
and
out
and somehow i breathe in
you
and then there is nothing to stop
my breathing you
in
and
out
in
and
out