20 years old
lacking a box spring and bed frame

I eat when I'm depressed
I'm depressed a lot
I eat when I'm anxious
I'm anxious a lot
I eat a lot
The new stretch marks on the corner of where my arm meets my shoulder scream
"THIS BODY CONSUMES A LOT OF FOOD"
And I hate myself for it
And I want to hide
And that's cliche
But the feeling of worthlessness only comes from misogynistic beauty standards being shoved down my throat from since I was little
But my brain doesn't care where that feeling comes from
My brain tells me to eat
or to throw up after I eat
or to run because I ate too much
and then eat some more
I would probably die from shock if I told myself I was beautiful
And, since I don't want to die
right now
I'll just eat and hate myself for it

You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach right before you skydive?
Yeah, me neither
But, I'm assuming that feeling feels something like the way my stomach has been feeling the past few months
I guess some people like that feeling though
The adrenaline rush right before you fall
I bet they would feel differently in a situation lacking the dauntless sky dive after the feeling in their stomach arrives
Just an upset tummy is not as appealing, I would say
And that's how I feel.
I feel like I should be jumping out of a plane, swimming with menacing creatures of the sea, or climbing a mountain.
But the latter doesn't happen.
It never happens
The feeling marks it's territory with it's little flag and footprints on my stomach but then it never leaves
And nothing ever follows the feeling
Nothing exciting
Nothing to look forward to
Just an upset tummy

The weather is warmer
More skin is shown
More comments are made

I was afraid to tell you again.
It's been so long
I've made progress
...I couldn't stop it
So, you don't know
The distance between you and me makes it easy to hide
But everyone else knows
They notice the discolored pigmentation on my wrists

hi im an introvert often mistaken for an extravert
i prefer listening
let me observe
i dont mind sitting with myself
notice that im not alone
i have me
and my thoughts
and this soft blanket of calm
dont take my blanket from me please

Depression has decided to suffocate me occasionally and I need a break
I can't go to class if I can't breathe
I can't socialize if I can't breathe
I can't feel joy if I can't breathe
But Depression doesn't listen to me
Depression doesn't mind seeing me in pain
Depression feeds off of my self loathing
Depression is really quite rude to me