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A Jan 2018
It's like having boulders tied to your ankles
a voice constantly telling you that you're not strong enough
That going the distance won't even be worth it in the end
A Jan 2018
my brain feels like unsalted scrambled eggs
A Apr 2018
Please god make it stop
A Jul 2015
You were my best friend.
Now you're just a memory
A Dec 2015
***** this ****.

when my fuse runs out and I finally explode, I hope no one is there to be hurt by the fallout.

who am I kidding? I'll probably be alone anyway.
A Jan 2016
In a world full of darkness and confusion, you are my light and my clarity.
A Jan 2016
please take it easy on me
A Dec 2017
It'd be easier to just float away
A Aug 2015
My heart aches at the thought
of what we once were.
A Jan 2018
Grass between my toes

precious moments

I never knew I'd miss you so
A Oct 2015
I'm close to the edge
A Dec 2015
You make me want to *****
A Aug 2015
I want my best friend back.
A Dec 2015
I didn't ask to be born.
A Jan 2018
The smaller your world the more miserable you become
A Sep 2014
i can't get you out of my mind
A Dec 2017
Take a breath and count the stars
Let the world go round without you
"Sing along"
A May 2018
Why is it that I hold onto the habits that hurt me the most?
A Apr 2018
when you don't want to lay around and
do nothing
but there's nothing you
want to do
badly enough
to get you out of the **** bed
A Mar 2018
"You can hope it gets better
you can follow your dreams
But hope is for presidents
And dreams are for people
who are sleeping"
A Nov 2017
as I lay in bed at night, the thought of a tomorrow never fails at making me want to end it all now while it's still dark,
while there is no one here to tell me no or talk me down.

And the next day
And the next day

It's all just pain in my chest.
A May 2015
There is land ahead.
There is life ahead.
For a friend, who may or may not see this.
A Sep 2014
I can't wait for
hot cocoa and
long sleeves.

For jumping
in piles
of fallen leaves.

For friday night
football and
warm bonfires

For staying up late
and never getting tired

For stargazing
in the crisp
autumn air

For keeping my
ears warm
with my hair.

I can't wait
for things
to get better.
i was told to write a happy poem
A Sep 2017
I can't die because I've yet to learn to dance
A May 2015
What are we
A Jan 2018
If I could, I'd build a little cottage
Splashed with my favorite pastel colors
A kitchen full of all my favorite foods
And a bed with a fluffy comforter

My cottage would stand not near the mountains;
It's walls untouched by the gentle ocean breeze
The silence is deafening without the song the Louisiana crickets' sing

my home would live in a moment in time,
Far far away from this place
I'd shut the door and close the blinds
Clasp my hands begging to stay

Don't make me go back
The present is rarely enough
Every day just going through the motions
Knowing there are things I can't overcome

Each moment becomes a memory
And memories can be made to be perfect  
I can build a home in the best of times
and hope later for forgiveness
A Oct 2014
Depression is like having a boulder tied to your ankle
and jumping in an ocean,
Slowly sinking to the bottom until you finally
Decide to give up and let yourself drown.

Anti depressants are like three helium balloons
tied to my wrist,
expected to stop me from being consumed
By the raging water in the sea.
A May 2018
I think there's something broken deep inside of me
In a dark and unreachable place
A May 2015
My head is constantly spinning
And I can't seem to regain my balance,
I'm so depressed that I can't see straight, But since I'm young
I guess those feelings aren't even valid

We live on a floating rock, constantly rotating around the sun
Yet people are still worried about random boys who like it up the ****.
We're too concerned about one another rather than what's truly important:
Like staying in our own lanes, and teaching things that are less adhordent

It's 2015 and people are still being judged by their color  
When really we should be judged based upon How we treat each other

society is taking a negative turn, no doubt about it
with ignorant people preaching hate,
saying that a woman is at fault when she gets *****.

"She was asking for it" they say,
as they sexualize shoulders and legs
thinking that a woman wearing a short dress
Is just begging for their toxic kiss

The only thing I'm begging for
Is a change of heart in the hateful,
Who say my love isn't real
Because it isn't "full, fruitful, and faithful"

My love is fuller than
You will ever know
it's not my fault that you live
life with your eyes closed

I'll love who I want
Because **** she's so fine
And anyone who looks at me differently
Is no friend of mine

And a final "*******"
To all the ******* in This small town
Who think they look better when they
Put another person down

(You don't look better, you look like an ******.)
A Jun 2015
There's some people that
you just have natural chemistry with,
be it your best friend, or your significant other.

At the touch of a hand or the
of a few simple words,
sparks *fly
idk. just something I was thinking of
A Mar 2018
It doesn't come easy
Or without any pain,
A struggle,
Wanting to give up

You have to push through
until the end
A Apr 2018
In the past, when the present would become too heavy
I'd throw myself into the idea of a distant future
That future was bright and hopeful
Because I always pictured being loved by someone else
In a home decorated to fit our taste
With little plants that'd never go unwatered
And a kitchen where I'd make all my favorite foods

But most importantly, in my little future, I was happy because someone loved me and was there to pick up the pieces when I fell apart.
And maybe that's why I'm so unhappy right now
Not because no one loves me
Because even in my fantasies, in the most sunshiny and optimistic crooks of my brain, my happiness was still dependent on the romantic love of another person

How is it that I've become this way?
That I place my self worth in how other people perceive me?
Worst of all, I'm picky about who determines my worth

I don't want love handed out to me, no no
Because I don't trust it! I don't trust that someone could love me
without a struggle after knowing me and seeing me for who I am
So when someone does love me, I question it constantly
I get angry with myself
and that's no way to live.

How am I to allow myself to be loved without restraint if I can't even love myself?

So now, my safe haven will be
Bright and hopeful,
An apartment decorated to fit my taste...
and the taste of four other girls, with whom I'll be living
Fake plants because none of us are mature enough to keep a real one alive, and that's okay right now
A kitchen where I'll cook easy meals because I'm young and have **** to do
Most importantly,

In this future, I will be loved.
Because I am going to learn to love myself.
gotta turn this around. full 180, lets go
A May 2015
Everything is falling apart,
but maybe it'll come back together soon.
A May 2015
Help me if you can
I'm feeling down
Help! By the beatles. for a friend.
A May 2015
It's because i miss you
A Jan 2018
I imagine it would be like the silence after you turn off the music
A Nov 2017
When you're falling in a forest and nobody's around

It doesn't crash
Or even make a sound
A Mar 2018
One day I will walk out of that door
and never walk back in
A Feb 2018
I'm so tired
the solutions are laid out in front of me
so easily obtainable
yet i'm filled with uncertainty

I can't seem to grasp it
such simple concepts
go to class, don't eat like crap
put the drink down, stop smoking grass

go to the gym three times a week
and treat your body kindly
oh but you shouldn't go if you're there
with a mentality that's unhealthy

Spend time with friends
don't you dare let yourself isolate
ignore the empty feeling in your chest
struggle to play along and relate

maybe sit on that familiar ole' bench
learn a new song on piano!
hear yourself out of tune
belting out your sorrows

slam your fingers on the keys
try to drown out the voices in your head
screaming at you to ******* give it up already
because what you're saying is better left unsaid.

cover the keys, push in the bench
storm out of the beige colored building
clench your fists, try to stop the tears
hope to god that no one is watching

walk back to your tiny room
pace back and forth
you can make it go away for now
but that'll only make it worse

wonder what the **** is wrong
and why you can't seem to cope
think of the things you used to love
that now you're broken with no hope

lay in bed, feel like ****
know you'll do it all again tomorrow
push back thoughts of the "one step solution"
that would only cause my loved ones problems

fall asleep late, wake up early
make that daily morning decision
will you lay in bed and mope around
or face this day with optimism

get up, take your meds
climb up to the top of the mountain
struggle to survive the inevitable fall
your depression sends you tumbling


boom crash
you've hit the ground.
time to do it all again.
keep your hopes up high
until you find a more permanent solution
A Sep 2014
My chest is a hollowed out shell.
The life that was once inside is now gone,
And the pieces of me that are left
Are screaming for a release.
I dont want to do this anymore
A May 2015
Funny that they call me a fat ***** when they don't even know me. I've never done a ****** thing to them in my entire life. But it's fine because I know who I am, and I know that I'm not like them.
To the freshman at carline who thought I wouldn't find out what they were saying about me.
A Mar 2018
i want to squeeze my brain like a pimple
until it pops
and my mental illness spurts out
like ****
onto my ceiling
A Jan 2018
Lord show me how to say no to this; I don't know how to say no to this
A Mar 2018
Nothing is left untouched
It all leads me back to the same
Terrible terrible place
A Feb 2018
They say that when you're running, locking your eyes on a distant object makes it easier to push through until the end.

That far away object holds no real power over you. It can't heal your aching muscles or replenish your lungs of much needed oxygen. It somehow just... makes it easier.

Maybe that object is where you've decided you want to end your run next week; and maybe you've already got your next object picked out. This is good. This is ideal.

Maybe the object is your bottle of water, sitting on the ground at the end of your driveway, and maybe you're only trying this hard because you're driven by thirst. This is not ideal. But creating motivation may be a step in the right direction.

Maybe the object is of no significance and maybe you're only looking because without that object... without something to cling on to... you may not make it to the end. Quitting is not an option. This is the best you're doing given the circumstances. These circumstances are not ideal. But what you're doing is good. You will not stop.

Regardless of the motivation, or lack of motivation
You lock on.
You cling to it.
You Don't. Stop. Running.
A Sep 2014
I don't want to die.
I just want to feel alive again
A Aug 2014
I hate humanity
With their kings sitting on their thrones
Dropping to the lowest of the lows

I hate humanity
With cruel segregation
Separating colors of skin throughout the nation

I hate humanity
People ruled by people
Are never left alone

I hate humanity
and all their Stupid lies,
Running all their lives
Just because science and religion
Is blinding their eyes.

I hate humanity
With people eating other peoples bones
Hiding all their sins, so even God doesn't know

I hate humanity
People controlling other's minds
Making sure to get rid of all other kinds

And I guess since I'm human too,
Their god will **** me
Straight to hell?
She's 13 now but whatever
A Dec 2014

A Aug 2014
I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die
I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die
A Aug 2014
If i could snap my fingers,
and make myself disappear
i would.
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