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1.7k · Sep 2014
Life is
A Sep 2014
Life is beautiful.
Butterflies were obviously crafted
By the hand of God
Meant to put a smile upon our faces.

Life is mysterious.
We don't quite understand
Why things happen when they do
So we're always left wondering.

Life is a gift.
I feel so lucky to have the people
In my life that I do now
And I am so thankful

Life is hard.
Sometimes I really want
To disappear, but it's not wise
To close a book in the middle of a sentence.

Life gets better.*
Though there is sometimes darkness,
There will always be light
You just wait for the sun during the night.
Not sure where I was going with this
1.5k · Aug 2014
Things that make me happy
A Aug 2014
stargazing
hot chocolate
music
christmas lights
autumn leaves
cuddling (in theory)
performing
long hugs
flowers
children in grocery stores begging for pop tarts
late night talks
the thought of you
the thought of us
seeing you from afar as I walk into school
Just you
1.5k · Oct 2014
Boulders and balloons
A Oct 2014
Depression is like having a boulder tied to your ankle
and jumping in an ocean,
Slowly sinking to the bottom until you finally
Decide to give up and let yourself drown.

Anti depressants are like three helium balloons
tied to my wrist,
expected to stop me from being consumed
By the raging water in the sea.
1.5k · Apr 2018
TV as suicide prevention
A Apr 2018
"You don't want to look back at your life and realize that you wasted it in front of a screen, do you?"

That's what they say.

And to them, I'd say
There are times that I feel everything around me is crumbling.
That I'm crumbling,
That my mind is turning against me.

As much as I try to fight it
I can't help the crippling depression and anxiety
that comes from seeing
a raincloud in the distance
Or sometimes, for no reason at all.

I can't control how the depression festers,
the intrusive thoughts that tell me
everyone would be be better off
if I wasn't around,
that there's a way to assure
that I'll never be caught in the rain again

I cannot count how many times I've turned to substance abuse to stop the thoughts.
I cannot count how many times the substance has worsened my condition,
Made me paranoid, Afraid of myself,
afraid of what will become of me
if i allow myself to stay

I cannot count how many moments I've had where I shoveled mountains of food into my mouth during a binge because I wasn't sure what to do with my hands.
I cannot count how many times I've punched a wall or slung everything off my desk because I needed to act impulsively in a way that would harm only myself.
I cannot count how many times I have thought of ending my own life.
I think about it every day.
More than once a day.

Sometimes I get so bad off that I can't do anything at all.
I know I can't die
my desk is already empty, i don't have the strength to throw a punch
The thought of food makes me want to *****

Those really bad times are when I turn to
my favorite TV shows for comfort

Watching a good series is like
getting ****** into a different world,
escaping from reality, all while
Being gently reminded that
there is good in this world.
that there are reasons to stay
Even if the only thing keeping me there in that moment
is the cliff hanger that was left for me at the end of the episode

If the distraction of the plot alone wasn't enough already,
the characters teach me

Katara teaches how to stand up for what you believe in and to never lose hope
Zuko teaches that you can shape your own destiny, and do what is right.
Toph teaches that you should never let another person define your abilities

Jim and Pam taught me that love doesn't always have to die as you grow older
Dwight and Angela gave me hope that things can work out in the end, even if the road is rough

Amethyst teaches that you should be comfortable with your body and its abilities
Garnet taught me to never be sorry for being who I am
Pearl taught me that it is possible to move on from losing someone you were in love with
Steven taught me that you should always stand up for what is good

Leela showed me that women can kick some SERIOUS ***, and that we should be proud of it.
Fry showed me that home is defined by being surrounded by people you love

Rick taught me that in the grand scheme of things, a lot of the things i blow up in my head are very very trivial, and that i should focus on more important things... like science!

Lastly, Morty taught me
"Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everyone's gonna die, come watch TV"
I've just had a rough few days and leaned on watching TV to keep me from losing myself. I looked back and realized that many of the hardest times were made easier by shows that distract and inspire me. It felt important enough to share
A Aug 2014
I hate humanity
With their kings sitting on their thrones
Dropping to the lowest of the lows

I hate humanity
With cruel segregation
Separating colors of skin throughout the nation

I hate humanity
People ruled by people
Are never left alone

I hate humanity
and all their Stupid lies,
Running all their lives
Just because science and religion
Is blinding their eyes.

I hate humanity
With people eating other peoples bones
Hiding all their sins, so even God doesn't know

I hate humanity
People controlling other's minds
Making sure to get rid of all other kinds

And I guess since I'm human too,
Their god will **** me
Straight to hell?
She's 13 now but whatever
1.2k · Sep 2014
Autumn
A Sep 2014
I can't wait for
hot cocoa and
long sleeves.

For jumping
in piles
of fallen leaves.

For friday night
football and
warm bonfires

For staying up late
and never getting tired

For stargazing
in the crisp
autumn air

For keeping my
ears warm
with my hair.

I can't wait
for things
to get better.
i was told to write a happy poem
1.2k · Jun 2015
Chemistry
A Jun 2015
There's some people that
you just have natural chemistry with,
be it your best friend, or your significant other.

At the touch of a hand or the
exchange
of a few simple words,
sparks *fly
idk. just something I was thinking of
888 · Feb 2016
My heart broke
A Feb 2016
and then the rain fell
821 · Dec 2014
My Fears
A Dec 2014
Cracking under pressure
Relapsing
Losing touch with reality
losing her
getting caught
losing control
being replaced
not being good enough
disappointing the people I love
not being accepted
rejection
Being forgotten
Growing old
Hurting the people I love
Breaking down
Going back
Being trapped *but I'm already trapped?
Inspired
791 · Sep 2015
Liezla (why I love you so)
A Sep 2015
the pitter-patter of your paws on the floor
as you wobble around
So careless and free,
Your big beady eyes looking up at me

every day is an adventure
A new quest, a new journey
because all your little heart desires is
To explore, to hear and see everything

Just the strum of the guitar
sends you running carelessly towards me;
I never knew that such a little creature
Could make me so happy

You knock over my trash can
And spill all my drinks
But without you
I'm not quite sure where I would be

You cheer me up when I'm sad
With your brown fur and webbed feet
I'm very lucky to have you in my life, for
When you're around, I'll never be lonely.
A silly little poem for my ferret, Liezla
763 · May 2015
Dear Friend,
A May 2015
Help me if you can
I'm feeling down
Help! By the beatles. for a friend.
754 · Dec 2014
Not poetry
A Dec 2014
I want to protest,
I want to rebel
I want to stand up and yell in their faces.

I'm tired of being put down,
I'm tired of falling short.
I'm tired of trying so hard for things that don't even matter to me.

It's sad teenagers dream of being 18 so they can get away from the life they're living
It's so **** sad that some feel that life is so bad that they'd harm themselves to escape.

We're told to think for ourselves but then when we speak our minds we're told to shut up and sit down as if a teenager couldn't possibly know anything about the world; as if the number of years on this earth determines whether or not we understand the concept of loving another human unconditionally, or understand what it's like to be sad.

I want everyone to come together and fight the injustice. To live deliberately, to **** the marrow out of life.
I want to fight
712 · Jan 2016
2016
A Jan 2016
please take it easy on me
702 · Oct 2014
Scansion Poem 2013
A Oct 2014
If you ever feel like
you have nothing left to give
just look all around you
for some reasons to live

There's the crisp autumn leaves
that fall in november
and all the christmas cheer
spread throughout december

There's laughter and tears
that come with moments in life,
and there's lessons learned
when things don't go right

You'll want to be there
when your sister says "I do"
you'll want to be there
for her darkest times, too.

If you leave during the storm
you'll never see the light,
so don't give up on us now.
You can win this fight.
I wrote this poem for english class year, and recently i found it written in an old journal that i lost. Figured i would share it.
646 · Mar 2018
Morty
A Mar 2018
"You don't miss me, you just missed the person that loved you so much you didn't have to love them back"
this line got me
612 · Nov 2017
Untitled
A Nov 2017
The moisture will evaporate
Clouds will form
The rain will pour
the sun will come out.

Night will turn to day
Day to night
Over and over
And over again

The earth will continue to spin
Rotate
Orbit
The ball will drop at the start of a new year
Lovers will kiss
Friends will celebrate

Music will sound just as sweet
As the band marches on
Left foot, right foot, repeat.

An empty matress under a frame
Lights that no longer glow
Strings that haven't been plucked in ages

A plant with no water
No sun
No hope for growth
611 · May 2015
Fat bitch
A May 2015
Funny that they call me a fat ***** when they don't even know me. I've never done a ****** thing to them in my entire life. But it's fine because I know who I am, and I know that I'm not like them.
To the freshman at carline who thought I wouldn't find out what they were saying about me.
597 · May 2015
Damn
A May 2015
Everything is falling apart,
but maybe it'll come back together soon.
592 · Mar 2015
Spring
A Mar 2015
Everything is green
Cigarettes. Love. Spring.

Sorry maddie
572 · Aug 2014
I want
A Aug 2014
I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die
I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die
567 · Dec 2017
With cream and half a sugar
A Dec 2017
Two cups of coffee and suddenly the answers are all clear to me
559 · May 2015
A throwback
A May 2015
There is land ahead.
There is life ahead.
For a friend, who may or may not see this.
545 · Jul 2015
sophomore year
A Jul 2015
you don't even seem real anymore
490 · May 2015
Written September 22, 2014
A May 2015
It's hard to go back to reality after being really happy. It gets so bad that i can't even see my own hands in the dark. Sometimes i feel as if the darkness is consuming me, and the only way to stop it is to let it take over, letting the fire that is my life burn out. I don't let this happen though, as i feel like my one earthly duty is to protect the people that i love.
474 · Dec 2015
12:06AM
A Dec 2015
***** this ****.

when my fuse runs out and I finally explode, I hope no one is there to be hurt by the fallout.

who am I kidding? I'll probably be alone anyway.
468 · Jul 2015
10w
A Jul 2015
10w
You were my best friend.
Now you're just a memory
464 · May 2015
Burning
A May 2015
My head is constantly spinning
And I can't seem to regain my balance,
I'm so depressed that I can't see straight, But since I'm young
I guess those feelings aren't even valid

We live on a floating rock, constantly rotating around the sun
Yet people are still worried about random boys who like it up the ****.
We're too concerned about one another rather than what's truly important:
Like staying in our own lanes, and teaching things that are less adhordent

It's 2015 and people are still being judged by their color  
When really we should be judged based upon How we treat each other

society is taking a negative turn, no doubt about it
with ignorant people preaching hate,
saying that a woman is at fault when she gets *****.

"She was asking for it" they say,
as they sexualize shoulders and legs
thinking that a woman wearing a short dress
Is just begging for their toxic kiss

The only thing I'm begging for
Is a change of heart in the hateful,
Who say my love isn't real
Because it isn't "full, fruitful, and faithful"

My love is fuller than
You will ever know
it's not my fault that you live
life with your eyes closed

I'll love who I want
Because **** she's so fine
And anyone who looks at me differently
Is no friend of mine

And a final "*******"
To all the ******* in This small town
Who think they look better when they
Put another person down

(You don't look better, you look like an ******.)
Wut
448 · Aug 2014
Thoughts
A Aug 2014
What goes on in your mind
When you're up late at night, wanting more than anything
to roll over and die.
What is it that goes on in your head
when you should be sleeping, but you're awake instead

Do the thoughts take over,
Or do you just lay them out to decipher?
Does your world seem a little duller  
As the the sky begins to regain its color?

Have you ever thought that
you have the power to change lives
and all you have to do yourself
is learn to survive

because never have i known a person
that doesn't use their own life force
to better the lives of the people around them
and maybe even more
i tried lol
426 · Jun 2018
marriage
A Jun 2018
the thought of that white dress
with laughter and love surrounding me
used to give me a feeling inside similar to that of
laying atop of a warm fitted sheet
covered with a freshly tumbled comforter
pulled from the dryer just for me

but now it just feels like
crawling between cold sheets
dark and alone
i fall asleep
I don't believe in happy endings anymore. I don't think I'm fit for that life
424 · Aug 2015
2:56 AM
A Aug 2015
My heart aches at the thought
of what we once were.
A Nov 2014
So precious is a life...
A child and grown
So is precious is a life...
so what if it's not your own?
So precious is a life
An animal and plant
So precious is a life...
so what if it'a only a little black ant?
So precious is a life...
A poor one and a rich one
So precious is a life
so what if when it comes to money, they have none?

So precious is a life...
black or white
So why do you give them your spite?
So precious is a life...
Human or insect
So why do you not treat them with respect?
So precious is a life...
Young or old
so precious is a life...
So why must we be so cold?

So precious is a life..
So what if they're not like you?
So what if they have a different point of view?
A life is a life.
No need to give them strife.
A person is a person.
Their sadness doesn't need to worsen.
A mind is a mind.
All living things have one- no matter what kind.
A feeling is a feeling.
And when it comes to bad ones, all require healing.
A living being is a living being.
So isn't that worth agreeing?
i love her so much. why is she so much better than me?
A Sep 2015
I'm in love and its
A rainy day
I changed the lyrics of "Good day sunshine" to fit my mood for today.
367 · Jan 2016
Solutions
353 · Mar 2016
Kayla
A Mar 2016
pale skin,
colorful soul
341 · Jan 2016
1/6
A Jan 2016
1/6
In a world full of darkness and confusion, you are my light and my clarity.
318 · Mar 2018
Socks
A Mar 2018
Depression is Skipping meals because it's easier to be hungry than it is to get myself out of bed

Depression is Sitting on the floor and desperately trying to talk myself into putting socks on...
Because putting socks on would require wiggling up the bottom of my skinny jeans, putting the socks on my feet, and then carefully pulling the jeans back over my socks without messing them up (you know the feeling I'm talking about)

Depression is struggling with the socks because I know once that part is over, I'll have to put shoes on- the converse match my outfit.
But I've got a wide foot, and I can take converse off without untying them, but I HAVE to untie them to put them back on.
So I have to untie these shoes,
And the RETIE THEM. It's a lot. It feels like so much.
I know it shouldn't.
It's putting on shoes.

But wait, there's more!

Once the shoes are on, I've got to pack my book bag, Which first requires taking the stuff out.
Once the stuff is out, I have to put that stuff in its place.
then I've got to put more stuff in the bag,
I have to put the bag on
Walk out the door,
Eat.
Class.
Rehearsal.
Drive
Park
Walk to my building
Up the stairs
in the room.

Take the shoes off
Change,
Lay in bed

Know that I could've been in bed all day
Try to celebrate what little I did
Fail.

Toss and turn knowing I should've done more.
Fall asleep feeling alone, wondering why I'm never satisfied.

Wake up.
Meds.
Socks?...-
Realize it barely changes

Because

I'm sitting here typing this at 3:53 pm
When I should be
Putting.
My.
*******.
Socks.
On.
298 · May 2018
bullet point
A May 2018
I think there's something broken deep inside of me
In a dark and unreachable place
295 · Feb 2016
Written December 28, 2015
A Feb 2016
I'm a plane on autopilot
in a constant state of "whatever"
days pass me by but they all seem to blur together.

my head is so foggy i can barely think straight; I'm trudging through life in a depression-induced haze.

the heart in my chest is far heavier than it should be, my stomach is in knots and everything hurts my feelings.

I try to control it and I try to be okay, but I can't help it in the car when tears stream down my face.

I'm a lit fuse, an active volcano, a grenade ready to blow. any little thing that happens causes my cup of emotions to overflow.

I feel so trapped, there's no way out of my head. I don't even find comfort under the covers in my own bed. there's nothing I can do to put these demons to rest.

because I'm not a child who finds security in a teddy bear or a blanket or a rocking chair. I can't color away my problems when I feel that nobody cares.

usually this would be the resolution
stanza where I say what will solve the problem, but I don't know how to and that scares me. I hope I find my way soon.
289 · Dec 2015
6w
A Dec 2015
6w
You make me want to *****
273 · Sep 2014
8w
A Sep 2014
8w
i can't get you out of my mind
270 · Dec 2014
insomnia
A Dec 2014
brain
                                               shut
                  
                              won't

                                                           down
my
254 · May 2015
Th o u g h ts
A May 2015
I tried to throw my thoughts out the window,
But it seems that they've learned to fly.
247 · Apr 7
M
A Apr 7
M
soft cheeks
radiant smile
a love unlike any i've ever known
239 · May 2015
dear friend II
A May 2015
It's because i miss you
239 · May 2018
Addiction
A May 2018
Why is it that I hold onto the habits that hurt me the most?
233 · Sep 2014
if only...
A Sep 2014
I don't want to die.
I just want to feel alive again
222 · Jan 2018
4
A Jan 2018
4
Evening
Music
Laughter
Grass between my toes

precious moments
Fleeting

I never knew I'd miss you so
214 · Sep 2015
Mom
A Sep 2015
Mom
I'm going around the leaf.
213 · Aug 2015
6w
A Aug 2015
6w
I want my best friend back.
210 · May 2018
Untitled
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