Cigarettes and I have a
love-hate/hate-love
relationship.
Each drag is like voluntarily
placing my lungs in an inferno to be scorched.
The strongest people I know have
wasted away
because of that cancer-on-a-stick.
I especially hate how
they taint the tantalizing taste
of my lover's lips.
Yet, on rare drunken occasions
or when a thick layer of red coats my lips,
I crave the **** thing.

Here I am, trying to convince the world,
trying to convince you,
trying to convince myself, that
I am fine.
A three-word sentence that hides the pain;
not from oneself but from watching eyes.
My troubles stack one on top of the other
forming a skyscraper that burdens me.
Each day it grows bigger and taller
until it collapses
as did the towers on 9/11,
as it does right on top of me.

No canine companion  has ever questioned me,
cheeky mongrel, you cross the line too often,
don't forget this; an animal  is still alive within me,
though an animal rights activist I remain officially.

I’m scared.
Cold, alone......... scared.
My body aches from fighting.
I won, but at what cost?
Revenge shouldn’t be the answer.
They took her life, my true love.
I’m crying, crying like I’ve never cried before.
A life for a life, but at what cost?
I became the person, I set out to destroy.
I’m a monster, a creation the devil himself devised.
I’m scared.
I’m alone, cold, and nothing to cling on to.
I have nothing........ nothing.
There’s only one thing for me to do.
I’m picking up my choice of death.
Goodbye monster.
You’ve done the most evil thing imaginable.
It’s time for you to go.
I’m taking you with me, back to where you came from.
Forgive me Father, for what I’m about to do.
I’ll see you in a few seconds.
Five....... My heart is beating fast.
Four........ Sweat is covering my face.
Three........ My heart is beating faster.
Two........ Hello love, good to see you again.



One........ Goodbye.

“BANG!!!!!”

he told me he loved me and i thought that was funny.
me? silly me with my crunched hair and wandering eyes.
me? short tempered and emotional me.
me? elaborate and confused. lifeless.
he took my hand and kissed its palm.
he told me i was beautiful.
he told me i was strong.
he didn't see my scars.
he didn't see me hide my face in his fingers.
i wanted him to mess up.
i wanted him to make me mad.
but he was perfection.
he was there with love.
and i was here with tears in my eyes and no hope.
and he stayed.
and i will never know why.

dear prudence.
do you want to know a
secret?

yesterday. she loves you.
no
reply.
let it be. act
naturally.
it’s only
love. for no one.
across the universe.
misery.

it won’t
be
long.
happiness
is a warm
gun. i’ll cry
instead.

ob-la-di ob-la-da
things
we said today.
words of love. helter
skelter.

within you without you.

come
together. all you
need
is love.
john. paul. george. ringo.

piggies.