Was it all worth it in the end, the back and forth the tears, the compromise only to be strangers.

To be even worse than that lovers in secret when lonely, too afraid to feel or speak of what is or was.

I admit, it hurts.

It hurts that you will never even think of us, that the thought only passes as tension, a kiss, a **** behind closed doors, when parents or house mates have left or fallen into deep slumber.

When your world is silent and I cross your mind, again and again until you find yourself in my arms.

Like teenagers he whispers as he kisses me in the doorway promising another night that we both know won’t come.

Or at least until we pretend that friendship is something we can do, but never choose.

Control lacking, running on impulse.

You once told me I was the love of your life and now I have to let go, because words in moments washed with rose, with affections are not real.

You’re searching for the right words, but you’re possessed by the moment, the nothingness of the world without words spoken.

Goodbye for first, for seconds and for thirds.

You take me out and analyse me like I’m another person you have known
Predictable
Polite
Like all the girls before
You keep guessing what’s on my mind
Sinking into the heels of your feet
Sipping wine with tired hands
You make swirls to calm the nerves
Comfortable in the fact that you know me
I smile and lock eyes
But really I am sad for you
I see you
More than you want me to
You think I want to kiss you because I like giving myself up too easy
That I don’t know myself
But your wrong in so many ways
I live and breathe
Knowing that my days are counted
You blink and your world invites chaos
Swallowed by days and weeks
Living but not living
You're scared to let go
You tell me your a gentleman
But gentle isn’t apart of you
Your a whirlwind
And I'm just watching

Traipsing through dark waters,
hands clasped to innocent dreams,
engulfed in what seemed to be good,
two lingering souls,
turning their backs to illuminating horizons,
I tried to hold you when I was so clearly weak,
not knowing the full weight of you,
I was the change you didn't need,
the darkness that fed your infatuation,
I bid chase to figures,
that left me empty,
you watched,
and learned my deceiving ways,
I befriended devils who broke you're heart,
whispered you lullabies when you'd fall apart,
I broke you,
and molded you,
I was the wrong,
and now it's too late to reconcile,
the fate I'd lead you on,
despite this it was all real,
secrets and smiles,
fights and love,
you are lost in the dark waters,
alone,
down the path I stirred away from,
I hope that somehow,
you will find you're way back to me,
out of those dark depths and into the meadows with me,
where you should be,
I've been so incomplete,
I'm sorry,
so sorry,
my sweet honey bee.

the stars burn,
and my heart yearns,
for something more or less,
I can't seem to fight the moonlight,
or escape its radiant beams,
oh this night I praise,
might it be,
the last I see.

their silhouettes,
dance around my bedroom,
in beats of two-three,
casting moon shimmering figures,
they trickle across my face,
kissing my pores,
to soon be consumed by darkness,
and condemned by day,
I think I'm crazy,
but crazy is what it be.

I faked a fit of laughter,
masking my desire to cry,
resisting the urge to let it out,
and all the while,
she stands there,
tall and merciless,
unaware of the truth,
she has released,
filling the air,
words,
filling the air,
they hit my chest,
bruising my already tender skin,
these thoughts far from comforting,
small thoughts suffocating me from the inside,
intoxicating my system,
leaving me,
leaving me,
uncontrollable,
she leaves the room,
and the laughter it turns,
it turns,
to tears and wails of pain,
for this small slip of the tongue,
has left my heart to ache.

Deep within the depths,
of the untamed abyss and swallows of mess,
my ring of hope and love lies thrown away,
the only thing that would have bound me insane,
it was a mistake I long to take back,
a twisted web of vengeful wrath,
and all the while I wait at the swallows,
savoring the memory that once,
was shared.

ardent tongues and dewy flies,
high teas in the country side,
half in love with easeful death,
there was no room for entaglements,
I was the blunt truth in a patch of myths,
I cease upon midnight with porcelain skin,
and ears in vain,
plates of anthems fade in my mind,
as I search the weary hillside,
passed the ponds and near the swamps,
I did not know but was indeed our spot,
where the fancy did not plead,
and the koi's seeked afternoons peak,
there my bliss is buried.

Battle to the death,
on my front porch,
two hunger crazed pigeons,
squawking and flapping,
in a bluish - grey blur,
perhaps,
they were starved,
or simply greedy,
its hard to decipher,
but the competition is on,
and that tainted piece of lifeless sustenance,
was definitely worth fighting for.

Thigh to thigh,
this park bench,
is crystallized in dewy rain drops,
3 a.m. eyes and you still look,
perfect,
tussled hair and jacket around waist,
yielding two new york styled hot dogs,
in the snowy daze,
smothered in ketchup,
you lick the residue from your fingers,
as you pass me one,
the steam rises and evaporates into the air,
my entire body relaxes,
as you place your arm,
around my shivering sides,
and squeeze me,
keeping the warmth between us,
I melt into your body,
leaving no trace of me,
except the scent of,
lavender and ocean breeze.

Oh sweet sin,
Your touch I yearn,
Embody me,
So I may be yours.