when 815 miles becomes 2214.5 miles
and 10 miles becomes 478.3
at least i know i'll still have you here with me
because with everyone's lives continuing
and ours not
i have a vague hope that
you'll be forced to try
and be here for me

(and it's probably the saddest thought
that you are the closest
that you are staying
but i miss you the most)

i have memories of being told
on an old science show
that everything is matter
everything is something
just because you can't see it
doesn't mean it isn't there
a person is a person
no matter how small
but oh, how small i feel
compared to you
your magnificence is
unparalleled
incomparable
and the lessons i've learned
of equality and importance
have no meaning here
because it's not meant
to be you vs me
it's a matter of opinion
and everything is matter
even the smallest speck
compared to the biggest tree
unbelievable
that we could have the same
origins
come from the same
matter
at the beginning of time
beginning of life
beginning of me
beginning of you
we're all the same
but we're oh so different
you're the greatest building
the tallest
standing 2,722 ft tall
in dubai
and i am the smallest city
0.17 square miles
population 783
and my deep breathing
exercises
aren't working like
they should
i want to be lovely
for you
i'm not worthy
to be received
in the same manner
i receive you
but everything is matter
and everything is something
and a person is a person
no matter how small

it's the difference between
you're so awesome and
you're so interesting

it's the difference between
a compliment
and whistling at me in public

yes i express myself
yes i am noticeable
no i don't want you to touch me

yes i express myself
yes i am noticeable
no i don't need your opinion

it's not okay to kiss me
touch me
***** me
pet me
without permission

and it's not okay
that to avoid these gestures
i have to change
my expression

with an unknown force
you drag me in
by my wrists
i know i shouldn't want it
you're no good
i'm too much
you're too little
too many near misses

and right when i'm done
the bruises have healed
the thoughts repressed
you tell me again
that i'm pretty
and it starts all over

you kissed my flaws
you made them feel
something other than worthless
and i miss you
and wish you opened up for me
like i would for you
if only you'd ask

i suppose nothing quite compares
to the absolute disheartenment
upon learning that those you adore
feel nothing close to the same
for you

it doesn't really make me feel better
when you tell me how ******* sorry you are
because you knew what you were doing
as you did it

it doesn't really make a difference
that i drive you crazy
because it didn't matter to you
when it mattered to me

it doesn't really affect much
that you wish me well, that you're ashamed
once you drop an apple,
it will remain bruised
and change it's texture

sorry doesn't change what happened
the things you said to me
are still tattooed on my skin
no matter how hard i try
to rub them off

it's the memory of a time
stripped down to my underwear
wrapped in your bedding
wrapped in your arms
the closeness we shared,
the laughter
and the happiness
that i want to relive

maybe only momentarily
and very rose-tinted
i want to feel you again