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5.6k · Jun 2015
Unsaid
Unsaid

I m wearing out this pencil lead.
Trying to capture tears I’ve bled
Trying to leave nothing left unsaid.
The things unsaid piled up until you were gone
All that, it took to admit I was wrong
You had feelings for me but I responded with apathy
Now I m alone sad but that’s how it’s got to be.

All the things I left unsaid,
All the things I left unsaid,
I’m wearing out this pencil lead
Trying to capture tears I’ve bled
Trying to leave nothing left unsaid.
But you’re already gone.
Can’t bring myself to believe you’re already gone
I can’t believe you went ahead and moved on
All because of simple words
Locked away that you never heard.
It’s too late now those words might as well be left unsaid
But….
These words unsaid pound in my head with every beat and measure of my heart.
Headache sets in trying to figure out where to start
My heart,
I never told you but you have my heart.
I’ve loved you from the start
I just didn’t know how to express it
I couldn’t let you know how much I cared for you,
Or else I would risk scaring you away.
Scare you away I did but it was my silence that drove as apart
And I m not asking for a new start,
Just..
At least you know now when this is read,
All the things I left unsaid.


Rain
Williams
I learned to play with my emotions,

Mock that which makes us human

At a young age I had already turned the page to the next chapter in my life,

I was above the status quo.

At 11 I learned that you have to die for something to live with nothing.

And I have killed myself more times than I care to put in words.

Lonely cries of my tarnished soul that I **** piece by piece

Some days I wish that my soul was whole.

Some days I wish I had died some more.

Don't want to..... hurt any more

More living equates to more emotions I must cast off

Why must I yearn for another's touch?

Why must I delude my honed sense and reason with false realities.

"You see what you want to see,

You shall never be the ONE"

You pay testament to others stories

You don't have you own,

Must have flipped through your pages to quick

Because now you're left without a book.

No pen, no pad, no paper

You were to far above the status quo.

You will forever be forgotten,

You shall never be remembered

But rejoice for you shall never die,

For you have never lived.

You are son of man

Slain by  woman

Slain in the spirit

A slap in gods face.

The forgiven disgrace eternally given a second chance

But sometimes it's a worthwhile to forsake,

To be forsaken,

In order to **** off your emotions.
1.6k · Oct 2014
Hopelessness
Tonight I,

Wake to longing.

And wake to the feeling of hopelessness.

This bitter feeling taste of helplessness, regret, self-loathing and understanding.

And understanding makes this a bile of an emotion needed.

But for what cost?

As I, lie here choking back tears,

Trying to take it all in much like,

An excessive quantity of medicine the will sooner **** the liver than cure the soul.

Who can i call to cast away my doubt and shoulder this understanding?

Because honestly I’m afraid that I’ll forget soon.

Honestly, I’m afraid I’ll remember.

There’s an honest emotion in this situation somewhere and I'v taken subtle hits of its bittersweet nectar.

But to many times its ironic sense of humor has in my dreams showed its self to me.

Showed myself my fallacy.

And i know.

I know how to appease my dreams

But to call her and expose to her this truth

That she and I must be together,

That she weighs heavy on my mind.

Tell her even when faced with her situation from the moment I held her child had me wanting to be a father.

But be that as it may this is only a dream.

One that i won’t see come into fruition.

I will outlive my dreams,

I have no choice.

I refused to let my selfishness ever cause her harm.

Call it arrogance

Or self-sabotaging behavior

Or call it what you will

But this is the end of dreams,

The end of hope

And the beginning of my eternal lament.

But odd as it sounds i can’t help but feel..... Satisfied.
993 · Oct 2014
Crime of Passion
Forget all the memories that we once replayed,

Evidence of the crime that we both have made.

As I roam metaphorically out of your room and into the night.

I look up to the sky and doubt my sight.

The stars on fire, the heavens enraged.

I've walked out on freedom and into my cage.

I've been tested, examined, and tried of my own will.

Passion was a blessing,

But it bared more than good will.

Double edged was the sword "Passion" that commited the crime,

And I used it to cut us both.

Just a small mistake on my part.

Just a nip, a tiny incision,

And passion was flowing through our veins.

But passion is the devils fruit,

So we fell victim to our own wills.

I injured the one I cared for the most.

Completely going against my ideals.

Trust is now an issue because I committed another taboo.

It was cut by passion too.

Right down to the veins.

And now I am back at the scene stuck in time.

As I stand waiting to be judged.

Passion was the crime,

But passion was the dividing line between love and hate.

Now which do I want to take the blame.

Love?

Or hate?

Crime of Passion....
689 · Jun 2015
I think I love my wife
I think I love my wife ver.2

She’s a light skinned angel,
So pure,
And serene to the touch.
She’s so beautiful, angelic, the gatekeeper of my soul.
Without her I am nothing,
With her I am whole.
She trusts me unconditionally
And at night I hold her tight and expose to her my soul,
I tell her all my secrets, and that with her I wish to grow old.
And in the morning when she wakes beside her I lay.
Her face makes my heart smile before I start my day.
Together with her no longer am I alone.
Where ever she is, is where I call my home
She is my best friend, my lover, one whom I can spend all my life.
There’s no doubt about it I am in love with my wife.
The Gale that Ignites my Passion

You are the wind that ignites the flame that is my passion.
The blue flame that is my tranquil state of mind.
Your stare can inspire breeze unto me that leave me breathless.
Because of this I’ve inhaled more I love you’s than I care to even count.
But I inhale these inspired breeze to let my passion grow as I breathe all of you into me.
I’m fire you are the wind,
I can’t live without you but you can find another.
The wind is free it doesn’t need a lover.
But freedom can be shackles if passion is not present.
You can be free with me.
Let my flames rekindle that love in your heart,
Let me give you the gift of passion you unknowingly gave me so early on.
Let me be your personal flame,
That keeps you warm and is the weapon against the dark
And I promise you my flame will never fade,
Because you are the wind,
And empower me.
416 · Jun 2015
The Mistake
The Mistake

My life,
Was a mistake coupled with regret, depression, and sad emotions
My life has been a sad existance since before I came out my mothers womb.
My birth spelled death to my mother for, she was given a 18-life sentence.
I was a mistake so I must pay
For all of my life my feelings have been cheerful and upbeat.
But my laugh was used to deceive what my eyes cannot.
My pain is unforgiving and is my penitence.
I must suffer alone cast away in a small cold lead box
Being left to rot, forgotten about because I never should have been born.
I’m not apart of this world.
Niether heaven or hell awaits one who was never supposed to exist.
I was born from nothing and shall go back to nothing
So why?
What is the purpose of a life like this,
I say as I ‘m kneeling in my small lead box.
A boy with no name always acting cheerful and upbeat.
Now a man refered to as John Doe lonely depressed and with a wish for a long painless sleep.
Suddenly he has a realization for the first time, he had existed, he had lived.
He felt he was not worth it so his friends he pushed away
He is the reason  for him being alone, for now he knows this hell that is his life is of his own mental construct
The bitterness and cold he placed upon himself was to much to bear.
All the emotions he thought he never had steadly came flowing out of him in the form of his first tears.
His tears full of regret and warmth lifted some of the burden on his heavy heart.
He could feel the heat of his own body as his once frozen heart began to beat.
His first time feeling alive ironicly was his last
His heart unfrozen could not take the burden of his past.
He died a slow painful death in that lead box with screams unheard.
Alone, not missed, no one shed a tear, because no one knew who he was
A nameless man forgotten about in time
Almost……almost like he never existed.
352 · Jun 2015
To Late
To Late

The pain is unshakeable
The facts are unmistakable
It is to late…..
My only excuse to escape the reality of the situation is now forever gone.
She’s forever gone….
I will never get her back.
And I will forever be found lacking because she’s missing
This is the result of me constantly missing her.
She’s late
And it is too late now to entertain dreams of us rekindling our relationship
She found herself a family
And stole mine away from me, unless my future was a delusion
I guess so was my happiness to.
So now forever lacking I wonder why we could never be.
I m more than he ever will
But it’s him I wanna be.
He’s who I was meant to be.
The father of your unborn child.
350 · Oct 2014
Untitled
I have traveled far and wide to the countryside,

I have discovered all shades and hues.

I have found reason, chance, and circumstance.

And today I even found you.

What a paradox you presented me,

For me to discover at journeys end,

That to find what I was looking for

Was to start my journey again

Just so that under a different circumstance I can once again meet you

Another reason to present to you my soul,

To nurture and watch it grow.

Long is the path to obtaining an unconquerable unwavering soul.

Just so that three often lost but simple words.

“I love you.”

Will be words eternal.
322 · Jun 2015
Reasons to be missed
Reasons to be missed

I’m searching for a reason to be missed.  
Surely a reason must exist.
A reason exist for everything
From the colossal sun to the smallest living organism,
They all have there purpose.
What is mine, I
Refuse to believe that I was given a purposeless existence, that I was only brought in this world to do wrong, now I admit I m a **** up but, as sure I am that we all have our resting day , I swear that one day, I will be remembered.  And I won’t be remembered as someone who constantly did wrong and couldn’t get right.  I will be remembered as a fallen angel that lost touch with god only to get back in touch with him by touching the lives of other people.  I will be more of a friend that my friends ever though possible.  And as sure as I am that wicked thoughts I can conceive I will use all my power every minute of every hour to protect those close to me.  And I’ll be ****** if I die without my loved ones knowing that I loved them and that if I could I would rise on the 59th minute of the 23 third hour after my demise just to show them that I won’t forsake them for even a day.  Never will they be alone I will become a friend that transcends existence.  At birth I had my wings clipped and they say that once an angel clips there wings there human, well then we as humans must have power greater than the angels because I will find myself battling with divinity so that I may be there eternal sunshine just so I can always be there for them.  All the wrong I’ve done will be outshined by all the right I’ve done in this world.  Now tell me if I have any reasons to be missed.

— The End —