Now I have a 100 things to do when I wake up without the blues.
Got a 100 reasons to bleed knowing a 100 ways to heal my wounds.
I dream for the two of us - it’s as far as I can see.
I never stray away.
Dream of shorelines in my sleep.
Bathe in them when lights come by
Never savor our time, since it’s all I’ll ever have.
I don’t stare into your eyes, since they’re all I’ll ever see.
Now I have a 100 reasons to look into your green eyes when I wake up without the blues.

[Part 1] Sequoia

My favorite drugs are sequoias from King’s Canyon and your smile
I need them more than coffee
Need you to stand beside me like General Grant and cast some shade on my face
because this heat is killing me.
I pursue something pure
like water in the wild.
My love, it lives enduringly
like sequoias in national parks.

[Part 2] Yosemite

Over and over I wished to be free
like a doe running freely through Yosemite
be fearful of fires
walk my own trail
take in the quiet
nobody’s wail.
I’m loving the falls
I’m loving the streams
Outdoors, without walls
Alone I can dream
I’m loving the monoliths
I’m loving the air
Only feeling that’s sheer
is me being free.

hello guardian angel
i’m calling u from beyond the ordinary world
i’d like to take back all my complaints i gave u
i found home
i found it in a person like u said i would
i found warmth
in the brown summery eyes of true love
i found calm
it’s flooding my coastline like crazy but it’s better than nothing
i found love
i saw three threes in deep sleep and now i’m asking if u had something to tell me
can i finally start to put trust in me?
i keep seeing mirror hours
i pay allegiance to my amor
i can’t not think of it
it’s like ecstasy
333

i’m young and crazy even if i don’t appear to be
quiet on the outside but storming on the inside
in my past life i dreamed of becoming a star
a famous writer also- but then i made up my mind
i wanted to be happy over my singleness- i failed that though
i opened my eyes
i have one last wish
i’ll say it out loud:

let me keep what i have
it’s something i can’t live without

hear me out angel and make that wish come true
i know i ask for much and i’m sorry, i’ll try not to bother u
i’m losing things- never gaining and i pray it may change
i just need u more than ever now
so hear me out
things improved- i want to ensure they stay this way
i’m levitating high- don’t force me to go back to blue
not to the sea level
not farther from u

never back to black
never ever look downcast
never lose sight of my north star again
by what i’ve observed in me, i’m ready to circumnavigate the earth
restart
never back to back

never higher
never lower
please

farewell guardian angel
my mind is now made up
the place i’m in makes me feel like home and it feels like where i belong
i’ve never felt this way before
i found a new meaning for home
and i don’t wanna be anywhere else but here

in the end- i feel enormous gratitude for u for taking good care of me
and the things that u taught and showed me
i found my destination
like an island rising up from the sea
glistening in front of me
phantom of preferred reality
which is the key to the gate to artificial heaven
and it makes me wonder why has everything happened to me

wish my life was simple as 123
i wouldn’t have to call 911 on me
dear 333

you lit up my path,
so now i grasp happiness,
prettily abloom.

Red roses were in your hair as a part of a flowery crown,
make something up,
my original aesthetic,
novel love life,

she said ‘become a poem’ so I became a poem,
voltage free,
no one speaks,
I express microscopic feelings and make them into twisted stories,

keep Twitter memories,
I love you for some reason so I visit you frequently,
not in the form of angel neither demon down on Earth,
but through meta connection,

false rejection,
come back to Brooklyn,

Discord Love,
growing in me on school benches,
medallion craved by time,
as the stars were dashing in not equal tempos,

I love my alter ego,
I love you,
and the mystic gate I kept locked is halfway opened for the world,
a week apart,

but I won’t take another step,

not just yet.

Freed me from scheme
not by their alleged surfacing collusion
sunlight and violet grapes atop the old piano with florals shining
windows uncovered
Wide smile I’m unbothered

It was a normal party
three eighth obscured at noon
Second hand antique luxury of the anteriorly badass queens
ruling their badlands in rosemary crowns equivalent twins
Music loud Subterranean witchcraft
swaying between the prototype and old shaft
Legends last forever

at the finale of the ridgy pathway that’s meandering in waves

ivory necklace unobtainable by bare slightly exuberant hands

But straight up feral imagination no civilian could afford
You just have to be alone
to create art for real
You must have faith in artistic spirits roaming the soarable tunnels
all the monsters from underneath your bed
They’ve happened before
You used to breathe prior
Now you’re reborn and haunting two zones

i should just contain myself and focus on my mesmerizing nowness
Which I described badly in two novels
Not perceiving the veiled pleasure of longness
I call
ad fontes
My font is great vibes my worksheet is the oldest
taken and patented I have legacy not ominous
No fog as an aura following the unlucky and rejoice that they holler

I love you hard
I crave my statue of granite but white
Flawless here not yet existing in preview thoughts
ride along 405 extant in moss
That’s how many concepts I carry
but Before I move on

remember to reach

  once years start to pass
I’ll be both places at once.

It takes nothing from me to feel like a housewife reclined in front of TV
reading a book I’ve read a hundred times before with the hum of stupid shows in the back of my aching head in the afternoons.
Because it took much from me to realize that the right thing to do when the world is burning
is to sunbathe by the fire that it’s breathing.
And not to give it a second thought.

During my period of self bravery I've lost more than I've gained materialistically
to make it up - I've discovered new traits that had been slumbering deep within me
and what I’m most proud of is that I've learned how to think realistically.

And whatever controversial you do
should not be given a second thought

Because having lost connection with the control tower and cruising in the thunderclouds
I came to understand that the world cleansed from everyone’s buzz
is quiet and pure, like a tulip garden - serene like driving home down from Tulsa.
So in conclusion, when a fruit is sour, it may not be the only fruit in the orchard
same if the road is boarded up there is always some way to go around.
And all the early drives to work
coffee sipping on the parking lot
local radio blaring in the rush hour
to keep my mind at bay from God
things that ruin you should not be given a second thought.

I’m alienated
but I can’t stand withering pinned to a spot

I’m alienated
but I never gave it a second thought

I’ve been thinking about relationships lately, I think I see it now, I don’t want a brighter light, I want someone equally ****** up, someone who has it worse than I.
Someone all over the place, gullible, no offense, head in New York, but heart left in California, someone who loves what I love, stars-and-stripes-minded.
I don’t do what’s typical of me, I don’t catch feelings easily, I’m changing, I’m running from soft penitentiaries, I don’t admit I’m catching feelings, I don’t want a part two.
Love wronged me once, it was one-sided, I’m bad at holding my horses, running away from them, thinking I’m better off, somewhere off the Golden Coast in a cheap apartment.
Working the tables, someone once said it was possible, he made it, I haven’t yet, I don’t think, I get going to get that plane ticket and take a gamble with my life.
I’ll fall in love eventually, tell him about what I want and if he wants the same thing, then this is the meta of our sufferings, pack his things, wait for him to hit me up.
I’ll be walking by Barnes & Nobles with somebody’s hand in mine one way or another, I won’t be a father, only a disappointment to many but a hero in my eyes.
I’ll find someone whom I’ll love more than America and I’ll find a way to make it work, if we sink we’ll go Jack and Rose style, sinking with the ship.
Insomniac on the stoop or with a cup of cold tea looking at the flashing lights of the city I love, worrying for the man I love, thinking Sylvia by the stove.
But I’ll be the opposite of suicidal, high on ******* oxytocin coursing through my body like fire, that’s one hell of a reason to live, to be someone’s go to person to cry.
I’m channeling Joni Mitchell, I can’t conceal emotions, listen to “Song For Sharon” by a bay in my mind, clutch the wrist of my dream life and pretend I’m alright.
I see blur when I think of the future, I see palm trees through that blur, if you shiver thinking ahead, marry me, we’ll tremble together, naked in the glass room.
I try to be nice and be the light in the tunnel, but I’ve got like one day left, full disclosure, I’m so into you, because we’re not that different, actually quite resemblant.
We’re equally passionate about what drives us, but baby there’s like hundreds other people like us, if you’re not the one, whatever, I’ll be alright either way.
I will always be fine, I think that’s my curse, cause I overthink the simplest things, I refuse to die, I had pericarditis, I thought I was at the end of the line.
But I’m resilient, I’m faithful, I’m not letting go of the core of my heart, but I’m leaving the door open, turning a blind eye, come in with your problems, entry here.
I’ll listen to you cry, I’ll surround you with my arms, give you safety and be all ears, this is what I like in guys, not posing to be strong, I’m standing with open arms.
You have my number, but don’t live rent free in my mind, I got problems, rock and hard place, I’m playing a game you can’t lose or win, I’m stuck, but it’s essential I do this.
I’m out there looking, searching with my head up for someone who’ll call me pretty in my worst times, not tell me to be smart, but be reckless with me.
This ain’t a family thing, but I leave if you don’t make me stay, my heart’s like a river, often goes different ways, I’ll give you everything I have, I can promise that.
I have no heart of steel, but it’s not paper either, I want the **** out of the things I love, I’m possessive and that is my weakness, I can’t have everything I like.
And I want someone just alike, be adventurous, get on a bike and ride to the sunset, won’t drink and drive, I’ll be high on love hormones, wind brushing my blond hair aside.
Yeah I want that, someone who’s not afraid to cry, not be alright, cause I know if I’m ******, I’ll get ****** and it’ll be fine, I wanna be taken care of sometimes.
I want someone who knows what they’re doing, guy with experience and beautiful eyes, cause I’m a lover of beauty, admirer of Mother and Father’s grand creation.
I went on vacation to America, I saw LA, and Vegas and San Francisco, but that was the happiest I’ve felt in my sorry life, I thought afterwards I’d be fine.
Don’t understand why not, I had nothing else to live for or so I thought, I ran like set on fire when I caught glimpse of love in the rear view mirror of the black coach.
I think I want a new thing from life and that is to commit to a thing so impossible but doable and needed but scary, relive it’s what I feared so I ran, but it was a treadmill I ran on.
I’ll find a way to connect with somebody, comparing the bullet wounds of words and deeds done to assassinate our feelings, my thoughts are with me all the time.
I’ll be fine if I try, but tonight I’m alone in my room, no attachment to nobody, kinda loving my body, but I’m not loving my scars and resentment, he maybe’ll help me.
I’ll be good as long as I’m with someone who’ll understand why I can’t call nobody up like I used to, I’m chasing quite different dreams these days.
Who knows me, they get I don’t bend or break, I’ll stand tall beside him like sequoias from King’s Canyon, California, it means a lot to me when I see that in a guy.
I’m waltzing through *******, it washes right off, I’m unphased, not unhinged, not desperate but I’m feeling as though I’ll need someone soon or I’ll cry.
I’m never returning to my ways, I’ll be back in the States, I don’t know when, I don’t know how but I’ll be there, mentally I’m there now, in a Rosemead motel room.
I’m flying to the moon on a spaceship, Major Tom, I’m in space, I’m a goner, I left my telephone, I don’t wanna be contacted or contradicted, I wanna cry.
But not exactly cause I’m sad, cause I’m not, I don’t cry about wasted opportunities or wasting my life, I don’t go to parties, I don’t dance, but I sing lullabies.
I wanna cry because I’m no longer dead inside, I said I wasn’t afraid of anything and that wasn’t a lie, I know what I want, kiss him on his lips, talk about PTSD.
It’s tragically beautiful and beautifully invented, two souls once tormented now fly high like kites torn away from children’s hands on windy days, fly super high.
I’ll be fine when the time is right, I’ll find love, I don’t care if I’m two guys or a million off, cause you learn all your life and trial and error is how you determine your destiny.
I’m not giving up, I’m quite getting started, America I’m coming home, fireworks lit when I land in whichever airport I choose, that’s not important, I’ll be fine.

New Everything is laid forward
the Sun or her gleam
My world or my Moon

My well known truth is layered in my subtext
like my poems
that I wrote to maintain a universal state
or unconsidered decisions
However I emptied the ashtray and planted a wildflower instead
wearing the warm coat of summer.

Chambré aura
everything is disowned nowadays

My heart belongs to my belief
that despite my tarnished fame my greatest subtext may be pictured in frame
but who needs spotlight
No one fears facing the pre-written truth.
My heart will beat
in American
cause my dualist or perhaps even collage of art in purity is navigating
To somewhere calm
somewhere where I would finally feel like home.

To be real maybe even
get lost in the unsubstantial madness
on my Venice *****
in where I am now
In the sweet modified by planets dark
hovering between paradise and the ark
Soothing to this point
that I can call myself
an American.

I’m the villain of my life and his, so be it.
Call me whatever suits you, we ain’t gotta coexist.
In fact, I went from wishing you the world to wishing you wrong, such a banal story.
Hope you at least hate me now.
Cause you never could’ve loved me.
Never could’ve loved me.
Never could’ve loved me.
I wanted to change for you.
But you done made light of me.
I’ve accepted that I’m the bad guy, I’ve connected the dots.
I can see the full picture now.
You never could’ve loved me, never been honest with me.
I’m prominent in your thoughts, smack dab in the center of your mind.
You never could’ve loved me.
I hope you ******* hate me now.

Yeah I sold my soul to be happy.
Are you satisfied?
You wanna hear what you crave.
Believe any little lie.
Just to help you sleep at night.
Tell your bingo ******* and ridden of brains buddies to step forth and say their piece.
Block them out, look the other way.
Trash has a habit of taking itself away.
Here’s your applause, you’re so fun.
Digging under others just to keep your head up.
Such a classic tale.
Jokes that write themselves give the longest laugh.

I forget your existence until you cross my path again.
Can’t keep my name out your mouth, I can keep you out my hair.
Take a breath, why’re you mad for?
See any bags under my eyes?
Note the difference, I phase straight through you like a ghost more alive than you.
Still unfazed though, note that too.
Find a job, I don’t see you.
You’re way too dry to be riding me like that.
Obsession is bad for beauty, so take a step back.
Why don’t you just keep me at bay if you hate me so much?
I’m glad you do though.
Prolly dream of me at night.
And thanks for giving me a laugh.
When you’re done, close the door.

I’m gorgeous!
Vibing under lemon trees.
Never getting on my knees.
I have everything I want here.
I’m so ******* fabulous!
Nonchalance suits me best.
Hate motivates me best.
I’m genuinely sorry for you.
I’d be mad if I was you, so don’t worry.
I feel nothing when I see you.
Only gratitude for who I am, not sorry.

You’re so anti-me now, get gone.
I’m so over-you now, I get going.
Light as breeze
Sweet lemon tree
Smiling for free
I’m not ******* sorry.
I don’t look back
Got no sympathy
You talk about me
Like an A-list *****.
Thanks for the spotlight, I feel awesome though.
You know you’re the **** when they hate you.
I’m your A-list *****.

You never could’ve had me.
I should’ve seen it, but
you never could’ve loved me.
Hope you ******* hate me now.

I have multitudes
spread throughout me asymmetrically
eyes of 3 shades
leveled as if portrayed vertically
sunshine captured in them deep
oceanic blue sky lit by lightnings cloudless open airy & free
lonely writer
wired to a chosen scheme
reinvented blissfully
Morning calm another day of resting under apple trees

troublesome ways awoken by no cost
transits rule the world - including all those created by me
scene of april
By the fortress nowhere lying near to a brand new land formed
-down my Ravine
where the meandering valley stops-
(and starts running later on)
Lonely writer in shallow love
eyes deep
trust in the transit

Although so frantic no place is vile to sit
rethink
or overthink...

Anyway - I have strong faith in my destiny
I obey
all the glitter wisdom and great glory
of it - and all its closest surroundings.

u ought to know
In times when the dull winter sun descends behind the skyline
and it darkens progressively
crazy fast as if sped up
I try to find a brighter light in those green eyes of yours
find calm amidst thunderclouds miniature thunderstorms
and inhale the magic orbiting you like a handmade universe so perfect
so quintessential
that I don’t mind being in love
with your eyes
your auburn hair
and extraterrestrial reputation.

But as I said:
I don’t mind being blue nor rosy
next to u
The reason for this staged adventure across galaxies is true
I love u
for the fun of it
I don’t need u
but keep u close to my shoulder as if I was orbiting u
As a planet - in your handmade universe - in your emerald eyes - in my sober mind.

I am the poet in big need and
captivated
by ur olive green vividly glistening eyes
which fit my fractured consistency unattached from everyone
ur hair gold like fallen leaves in fall
a celestial archer from Orion
areas of thinking I have for an armor
against unwanted corruption-
u have things i wanna gain
in the future
distant but plain

Evenings come
it darkens now
I see summer in your sweet eyes
I feel bliss empowerment magic midnight lit by fire
you create
Masterfully

And the things you do to me
make no sense
why I stay?
Simple answer:
you are the perfect bartender to align with to become something what’s larger
to move forward with u
or without u
doesn’t matter.

Epic story to be written past boring beginnings later
after everything has happened
nonchalant and happy after.
Lonely lover
favorite poet
writing with ur hands narrative
To acknowledge my true thoughts
roaming through my unpaired visually eyes
To remember that I love you
for forever
when u leave i’ll live in peace
somewhere in the deep of my
sweet overpoetic mind.

we
Aries moon children
moonbathe partly civilian
seeking home off urbanized empires
in handmade utopian isles
sunlit all night ironically to others
digging quarries by borders
to find our reasons
why we are ourselves.

because we
Children of winter
We resist coldness wilting happily
not enough time in a year to grow on gardening soil unluckily
Purposefully living
Purposeless at doom
meaningless tale told by her Moon
we dance in flames
of cool.

White yacht parties techno music Bacardi
pillow cries?

Never in my life Never in our lives
Never moonlit all the time never sad exceptionally burnt out white hot we stay
Crumbled empire
Crumpled pages on fire
beautiful at last wild freely flying
to admirers

Being a poet residing on past dry and needy now I’m alive
Now the night is bright
they and their friends would be a group of nimbi high
Looking for their maker
always busy always out of earshot living multiple lives cause they
befriended town bartenders

Valentine
faking opulence still ahead of our time
elusive for our children’s lifetime by far
Vault which is a quarry
Open sky
still we’ve never learned to fly
we just stay collected and firm
Forever seeking gold of the prism
In the glistening eyes of people
We are who we are in the end
deeply designed precisely made
Aries
Marina bay
Taking inspiration from sweetish breeze air
crying happily on parchment all day
We could fly high as sky
but we’ll just stay right there.

i felt like a fifties movie character the moment i passed the threshold
of my room in the seaside motel
room number ‘i don’t remember’
i dreamed of sleep and sweet tea and bath salts to erase my tenderness
don’t give me a reason to stay but a reason why i would return if i ever leave

there’s things u need to know about me
i’m not the type to bathe in red rose petals and sip wine in a jacuzzi
i won’t bend my knees in a black suit and patent leather shoes and recite poetry
and most importantly- i’m not that weak to call for sympathy
but if u hold me i won’t protest
i won’t raise my voice if u love me
i won’t be hard anymore if u hold me
and i might love u more than anything else if u only love me back
and convince me to stay in this
forever

u can touch me anywhere
i want u to touch me everywhere
i’m restless and under the weather
put on a show for me to make my night better
hide ur hands in the holes of my sweater
and i’ll take u straight to heaven
******* is an art
intense never plain
u swipe the moon away so it becomes day
when u kiss me it feels like lemonade
on a beach party rocking strawberry lingerie
so unholy and i arch like golden gate
and u pass through me like a lightning bolt or a chevrolet
passing the speed limit
in the rearview u see blurring stars
until we find ourselves bathing in the crystalline streams of eden-
baby i’m so happy that i have u
and in hindsight i see no blue
i’m a soft inhabitant of heaven
and we left paradise long ago
but i find my life better than ever
now i love u more than anything else in this world

Let’s slow dance in the smoke of cigarettes
rain pounding distantly on the windowsills
Do it like them all, cigarettes after ***
Do it like Brooklynites, do it for ourselves

Let’s walk down the Bowery
dust from ashtrays falling
we’ll pretend that it’s snowing
hum some David Bowie
or Leonard Cohan’s Chelsea Hotel #2
but only if the traffic cannot see us through
I wanna take a trip to 1972
dance in the smoke of cigars, only me and you
Dance in the smoke of taxis, smoke some Malibus
Dance in the smoke of cigars, only me and you

i am back in town,
packed my bags and caught the train,
back to loving you.

one year later we returned to the beach where we stayed for the summer
the breeze felt familiar and those wooden steps made the same sound when i walked down them
they were now part of my life
i booked the same hotel room since i love returning to the good things in my past
just like i keep returning to u my love
but u live rent free in my mind
fragile is my heart when the closest stars align
a year after u and i’ve now less reasons to cry
hardened is my art
i reverted to blonde
mi amor
baltimore...

am i old enough to leave home?
i’m a snowflake in march, i’m not ready to go
i’m soft like a rosebud
my tastebuds crave salt of the sea
one year from now things may look different
u might not be as integral to me
i might run like a flower into land where i’d be
something u’ve never allowed me

will i hold onto my letters?
will i ever forget what we had?
i should’ve known better than to hope all the letters i sent from overseas
would someday become
my national anthem

at the bar,
fireflies fly,
in faint light,
summer is breathing.

I wanna be there for you
Wear something shiny for you
Be there at 7 regardless of the season and not disappear like Golden Gate.
I wanna give you everything
but I have nothing to give
Except say “I love you so much” and if I could I’ll give you golden
rings to remind you we’re married and that I won’t fade like Golden
and Bay.

I remember what we did
in the city by the bay
We walked through Chinatown
to a jewelry store off Clay Street
Two blocks away from Hilton
I bought a beer opener with the bridge
that we cruised under when the fog was thick
I could see the golden pillars
I could see your smile unfolding
And since then I didn’t wanna see it fade like Bay or Golden.

The sound of glass smashing is a pang to the ears, but I’ve learned real beauty comes from broken things.

Drip
I hear water in the gutter
One upside of a broken heart is that I can write, lose guys so I can write about them.
Slip.
Here they fall through my hands just like sand from beaches.
Might sacrifice one night, wake up with red bloodshot eyes, but this poem would be beautifully written.

Most never liked me, RIP.
I had my eyes on them, but they never looked at me.
Most I’ve never talked to, RIP.
He was my realest, but he turned out to be just another poem.

Drip
I hear rain on the windowsill
I guess the good thing is I had fun with him
Crack
I’m broken again
I’m smashed along the edges of my first shattering and that’s along the edges of extreme masochism
that I let my heart break to write this poem.
Drip
Water’s dripping off my face, I’m in the shower.

The view of glass breaking is painful for the eye to see, but now I know that real beauty comes from broken things.

Will this be my best year, best year?
I’m at the frontier of golf courses, where the sun is up and blinding and the hills are green.
Will the next one stay here, stay here?
Will he call me beautiful?
Will he not succumb to the spell of fairytales snapping in the soul?
If I find him I think I might stop being a poet, a poet.
Cause happiness didn’t bring me to my notepad.
If he wants, I’ll write him a poem,
but it would be pretty bad.
Cause I’m only good when I’m lonely, lonely.
I never said I love you to a man.
I never had a man say I love you to me, only that I was hot and he wanted to **** me.
But if I do I’ll find beauty in being with somebody else, but for now I think
that beauty comes from broken things, broken things.

i couldn’t sleep last night
i was wilting in the soft moonlight
insomnia leave, insomnia let go
i lay face up counting blazing stars that perish by the dawn
uneasy, the bed is uneven, my pillow is too high
the summer is an oven
i’m in love now
why can’t a beautiful thing be eternal?

why does every perfect thing i touch collapse when i need it most?
why is my life beginning to whirl when i have enough?
enough asking
enough having to look for answers
digging in the earth to find my reasons
my life stole my sunny days from me and i got to keep the nights
and of course i have u my love on top of everyone
thank u for being here always
no matter what

we lied in the sun
but when the world went to dark
we lied in the moon
and the next sunrise was beautiful

through the roof window i watch the painted moon from bed, from ur arms
centerpiece to the pastel sky
two shades of our yin yang that collide like a celestial arc
like fireworks on the 4th of july but far more fantastical
perfect night
perfect time
alone in the house in the dreaming neighborhood
feels like i’ve been given a chance at life as i’m lying next to u-
two lovers in the dark under the painted moon
i’m happy
u have done it

if every night could be like this
insomnia stay, insomnia last
if i can’t enjoy my days i’m gonna marry the night
and love u through the dark

Now they know.
Puff into smoke.
Footprints gone.
Lost in the snow.
I was blowing dandelions in a careless state of mind.
I should’ve been more careful.
There’s no future for me now.
Icy cold gazing and butterfly attacks.
Impossible layouts and ravaging traps.
I admit the fault is mine, I’ll be more careful next time,
but next time you won’t see me fall.

I did the unimaginable and don’t feel sorry.
Plus I’d do it all again if I could, I love it.
Subzero, my heart measures subzero.
I gotta disappear, now I’m the antihero.
There’s nothing for me here, my chances equal zero.
My image’s shattered like an icy pond, here goes the thaw.
I’ll need somewhere to go, this rocky terrain’s cold and raw like steel.
Pull a Houdini, pull a rabbit out a hat, disappear cause I don’t give a ****.
Pull on a hood, eerie is what the air feels like, no matter what to blow their minds.
Now I’m naked in the snow, it’s subzero.
Gotta go, my heart’s frozen in fear.
And I’m freezing cause my veil is off.
I’ll vanish tracelessly like Bella Goth.

I’ve been blowing dandelions with my armor off.
In a garland of wildflowers cut loose with my sword.
I tried to catch a butterfly as it sat down on my lap.
It was a monster in disguise.
Blowing kisses to fire.
Got a sword through my back.
Running ruse over liars.
Those who swore had my back.
I’ve been slashing demons and making sure they lay abated.
But my current version is a monster only y’all created.
Icicles growing inside my chest.
Puncturing my heart and the gist is I made it that way.
I made it that way, yes.
I could’ve stayed but I had to make it that way.
I had to run away.
I’ve been opening doors not meant to be touched.
Been extracting good things through the eye of the needle.
I could’ve put on a scene, but into smoke I just puffed.
I got caught red-hearted, but red ain’t the shade of evil.
It’s love.
It’s all I’ve wanted, but be careful what you ask for.
I’m gone.
They followed footprints, but they faded in the snow.
I’ve been blowing dandelions in a careless state of mind.
I should’ve done it elsewhere.
But do I regret it?
I do not.

I’m fine being the bad guy long as he knows I’m his baby.
Burned to the ground but so what?
I got him, I got him.
I’m fine getting called slurs as long as he knows that I love him.
I don’t talk to anyone but him, and?
Only him, only him.
I don’t give a **** if my hair’s all messed up or my anxiety’s kicking in,
cause I got him, I got him.
I seriously don’t give a **** what they whisper when I’m absent,
cause I got him, I got him, and he knows that I love him.

Run away together.
After the pale sunlight.
Been blowing dandelions.
Their seeds all caught on fire.
I gave love a try when I shouldn’t have, I blew my cover.
Now that I’ve disappeared I love somebody else and love it.
And I don’t care what they think, what I did too soon.
What you give away for free is what follows you.

Man
who am I to blame for living in the 21st century amidst wildfires and strikes and racism and homophobia and misogyny all thriving restlessly in broad daylight.
This is not a world I'd choose to live in
but I do and so what???

I'm 1 in 125
I'm a birch in an oak forest
Long story short - life ****** me over, but I'm alive

I come from nowhere
I'm native nowhere
which means wherever I go, I can't really say I'm home there
but I've wandered in my thoughts since I was little
And little did I know I was brought up to stir fiery coal in hell, that was a country of hypocrisy and those who lead it
I pray would burn in hell
but I come from nowhere
and I won't be joining them.

I purge myself out of poison every day
I know people talk **** about me behind my back - guess it's time I started backfiring **** at them.

One - **** my fake "friends"!
******* for smiling at me for show in group photos and secretly wishing I wasn't there.
I hope you know I washed my hands with tons of soap after every unwanted handshake
I reckon you knew I bled trying to satisfy you
paid all your debts, cleaned all your mess, made the world a better place just to get a silent thank you, hidden *******, we exploited you now scram!
Oh, how many "friendships" met their end because of that.
Because I unmasked posers who only cared about themselves.
But I stayed unbent
always true to myself
Counted down the days till I could sever the chain of gullible, future drug-taking hillbillies with rocks instead of brains.
I went to high school fervently hoping I'd find my place
I left high school in a blizzard of bitterness and deliverance.
I could count all the ingenuous smiles I wore, conversations I attempted to weave tired of standing there all alone.
But I won't squander my time on anything like that
That, I don't forgive and I don't forget.

Two - **** the government!
Won't drop names, not cause it's confidential, but cause I don't wanna flaw this page.
When the rightful president candidate lost by a few percent (by trashing his votes cause how in the hell?) a fragile beam of hope within me withered in its tragic end.
My dream of just future dried out anticipating rain, but all that dropped that fateful day were tears of regret.
I have no nationality
When someone asks me where I'm from I change the subject, cause it's better than the medieval ******* of a country I'm from, where even gaslight is subpar and I feel second hand embarrassment for those who dictate on.
I try and diminish that part about me.
That's pretty much how I've been dealing with inhuman laws and censorships arising. The hate of politics, it helped me carry on. Every time I almost jumped into conclusions about me
That maybe I misfit in this wicked world
I envisioned when they fall I'll be the first to clap for their monstrous loss.

**** the Church! I do believe in God and blissful afterlife for me
but I also believe that if they say a homosexual is an abominable disgrace to society
then I can reiterate aloud what others say about priests.
Get outta my hair, just like I got outta your lot and remember that you can kiss whoever you want.
**** the school system for making me learn things that flew straight in and out my head, like history of this country and if I could, I’d rather be born somewhere else.
**** the music industry since all it takes to win a Grammy is a preschooler-level written boring song about *** and a **** swinging between your legs.
**** fake equality and setting up people against each other. I'm a feminist and crave equality for us all yet when women call all men ****, where's equality after all???
**** courtesies like rushing to open doors, paying for someone cause it'd be rude not to or carrying their bags home from school. I treat everyone equally, no goddess or god, the way I'd like to be treated if I were another soul.
**** "family friends" who only babble about my ****** life, whorehouses and ******* every ******* time, like I'd rather sleep at the table than listen to your crap.
I envy my future self after having seen the faces of yours after I tell you what I think about you.
I tried to sweep you all aside and withhold my hatred inside
I've been trying frankly
In the world I crave there's my face carved into Mount Rushmore
Like Benjamin Franklin
I only want a good life for me and those I love
For now thought I scream:
FUUUUUUUUUCK!
I feel light as a feather hovering in a tranquil dream.
My resentment keeps me going
This poem is how I deal.

Writing your future into existence is no easy task,
but if you cooperate make sure that you do it right,

it’s three in the morning,
and I’m still at my window,
papers are disarranged all over my room,
it’s not like I love you,
maybe I miss you a tiny bit,
remember our unfinished love story?

but one day you received a letter with a red stamp on it,
your lines were the best,
you got such a huge chance,
to change the world,
in slow dance,

and if you never left me we could have written the best poem ever,
if you never left the town we could have made a masterpiece,
when my pen ran out of ink you were doing all the work for me,
and when my head was empty you were giving me new clues,
you blessed me with blues,
now all we have is ooze,

now it’s seven pm,
and I went straight to the beach,
our sweet romance never made it to the news,
long ago when I loved you,
and I missed you even harder,
when we were writing the best love story,

but one day you received five stars all the way from heaven,
your lines shined so bright,
they outshined NYC lights,
you changed my world,
in free dance,

and if you never left me we could have written the best poem ever,
if you never left the town we could have made a masterpiece,
when my teardrops went dry you made me drop waterfalls,
and when I grasped hope you made it escape like steam,
I clearly recall it all,
I remember every line,

we could have made a revolution,
but you ****** it up.

Oh God,
it hurt like **** when I saw you downtown,
just why,
was I in the right place and the right time?

turns out the finish line can run as agile as you,
you chase,
you race,
you have a goal which keeps going away,
you waste
your time,
but that is fine,
because it’s better to bloom forever,
then become a flower and go dry,
the following day,

I try not to cover the sky with those illusions,
so I go and lie on the beach,
(on three beaches)
and when I’m not,
I wear my earphones in my garden,
Norman ******* Rockwell! is playing,
the sun is descending,
sinking at a pace,
with a purpose,
in style,
just exactly how I live,
how I rip calendar pages off,
thinking how well days go by,
in my forever quiet town,
aside from the city lights,
where I bloom peacefully,
without pursuit,
expecting nothing from tomorrow.

**** you,
you’ve never known that feeling of being span around,
until all you see is tiny stars,
your maneuvers never backfired at you with the wind change,
and you played your cards right in casinos, but those in your head,
and all those games you won blind,

but hey - it’s another wind change,
another summer in which I avidly participate,
season of the races,
later January poetry,
written over the black and white filtered paintings,

but I have some sunlight in stock,
on an unused highway leading nowhere,
that’s because I don’t want to share the light with you anymore,
since you are a light source yourself,
and I’m not just yet,

and you’ve gone through winter like it was nothing,
was it full moon or some other type of black magic?

but, as I said - it’s another wind change,
age of millennium,
when dying stars regain lost power,
peaceful aeon,
and the circumnavigation continues,
the next stop is where my sadness was born,
and if you’re the main obstacle again,
then I’m alright,

I’m resistant to the **** you do,

you really want to know why,
you never learn fool,

I’m stronger now.

Should I reach out? I’m too scared old babe
You switched it up living it up in black suede
wedding dresses.
South is where you’ve gone while I stayed on my way
Dyed your hair hot pink and smoked your life away
in Chanel jackets.

My perfume says “Black Suede Leather”
I’ve worn it once in saddening weather
It made me ablaze like a candle that was dead
It made me glad
to have been who I have been
and who I am.

Saw you saw me in the Old Town where we used to live
I backed away from camera flashes, oh you loved them camera flashes
Love being the center.
Know you saw me seeing you, yet I didn’t say a word
And now it’s been four summers since the door shut on its own
But deep down inside, the part of me that’ll never change - I hope our ice cream shops turn out the same
I hope the heatwave could make us both synchronized - and perhaps we can make up for the wasted time.

But for now I’m wearing “Black Suede Leather”
I spray it on in scorching weather
It makes me reminisce about
how scent wears off and roads lead south.

I want someone who loves Laurel Canyon like Tori does,
knows who Joni Mitchell is,
and goes for hikes in the summer up Mount Hollywood Drive, little thought of the heat.
Brings me coffee to the nightstand, never goes to the nightclub,
watches sunsets from the pier’s end and adores bleeding hearts.
Like this Max I’ve crushed on for some time, but he’s over the mountains.
I don’t let that get over my head, he’s really cute when he stutters
and the **** he posts gives me butterflies.
But I’m hung up on Juan, I think he’s the one, but he doesn’t yet know about my poems.
Bry David wanted money, Ian wanted something I couldn’t provide.
Something about these guys made me numb to the oceanic continent divide.
Nothing I can specify made me dumb for somebody fraudulently divine.
Patrick is so ******* cute that every time I see him I risk falling in love,
but he’s like a bath in winter.
There was Dan, but I lost interest and there’s someone else.
He’s kinda cute too, but I’m good smelling flowers at Point Dume, reply asap when he texts me.

I’m out the tunnel now,
I want the opposite of what I wanted.
Think I’ll dye my hair brown
just to differ even more from old me.
Smelling bleeding hearts
and it’s very ironic that I’m better off
without him than with him
no one specific.
It’s just if you don’t play with fire you can’t burn yourself.
And I want a boyfriend but I like sleeping alone in my bed.

Only light the room up when you come in.
Spit whatever nonsense you want, say it American.
I’ve no type I think.
Long as he lights the room up, like a firework star.
My first fourth of July was in Los Angeles.
But I’ve only danced with devils wearing halos on their heads.
I need him to light that **** up, sparks ablaze.
I like being lonely and bleeding hearts, but I want to take
someone to Griffith Park at dusk
rate my love song ten stars
**** me ******* off the drive
listen to me rant about my life
buy me coca cola in the night
take a trip down memory lane to 2019 cause I
miss who I was but I love me now
I was so much better, too young to need love.
Not a wasteland replanted yet, but something lush, not too avid, cause that I never was.
Wish you had the pleasure of meeting me then.
Wish I could meet you now, but I don’t know.
I’m still not paranoid.

Racing down the drive against my developing thoughts
I’m the artist always both blue yellow painting metaphor
Out of context time for breather meditation brought to life
made to be an encourager
to exceed your scheduled mind.

Get your stuff now
go outside
greet the moon welcome the dark

Unattached to miracle that has been known and reiterated
to grow
yet no vain prayer of theirs never went real
in daylight on paper
or the ominous world of eternal dawn
truck on highway ordered coffee
moving fast not stopping by
never listening to the others
Always dual perhaps I may never
live way another.

Why I wonder?
good question indeed
to grasp tightly onto solid panels symmetrically laid in castles
atop hills
high & powerful

Mind both places taken places
clovers highways blue normally
Stretching long monday till sunday
one big highway
headed one way.

Somewhere off the coast of Maine they caught a lobster that was blue and the odds of that happening were lower than me finding love that’s true.
When will be my time?
When will I get found?
Do I wanna get found?
Ask myself this very important question.

Got a list of things to improve to make myself beautiful, I do have some things I’ve left to do to make myself visible
to men.
Men with rigid fishing nets on wooden watertight ships, others sticking out their heads, but I’m still elusive
to them.
Catch me if you dare, can’t promise I won’t slip away.

I’m not feeling beautiful and I’m real hard to catch.
I’m feeling exceptional, but not necessarily rare.
I’m not feeling lovable, I got a list of things I’d change.
Don’t you get accustomed to me, you won’t see him again.
Unless…

Unless you come to the shallow estuary I’m in right now, place me in your palm and lift me out of the water like the most fragile thing.
Do me the honor of being your boyfriend.
I can make wonders happen if you let me make you happy.
I have good intentions but also bad encounters in my past.
If you do me the honor of being my boyfriend I can bring new meaning to blue.
Make it no longer a color of sadness but pride of my rarity.
I have magic in my name, water in my blue eyes.
Get me to love me and love me, boy, show me how.

Don’t just say I’m beautiful, but make me believe it.
Don’t make me beautiful, make me a believer.
I’ve been feeling blue and there’s nothing rare about it.
Make me feel exceptional, a blue lobster.
Don’t pour sea foam into my eyes and maybe you’ll catch me.
Don’t gaslight me, elucidate me instead.
I’ve been hiding in deep blue waters where no one could find me.
But deep down I dreamed of the surface.

Make me believe
Teach me about pride
Do me the honor of being yours
Catch me if you can
Give me reasons to stay
Teach me about love and I’ll do you the honor of being yours
and I’ll finally feel proud to be blue.
Love me and get me to love me.

Do I want a drink?
or do i want a walk?
I’m underneath the August spell,
and pre-September aura,

a star fell from the sky,
it vanished at dusk like a phantom,
a shooting star crossed my path,
it fell from so high,
entered my atmosphere,
which contained a black hole,
my stairway to heaven,
it fell from so high,
hit me like a storyline,
which expanded into a poem,
my great escape,

but I moved to a new land,
capitalized myself,
I write my future down,
upgrading it with every new day,
yes, I changed my lifestyle,
escalated backwards,
it’s time to slow down,
wake up happier every new day,

I wink at my past with grace,
all the roads that I drove through,
all the bars where I got wasted,
all the friends I let drive away,
all my failures,
all my victories,
blues you gave me,
and fake smiles,
I look at all of them with grace,
for the last time ever,
standing at the crossroads,
knowing where to turn,
at last.

i bought two one-way tickets to wonderland
are u going with me?
are u willing to sacrifice the typical way of being
drop the trifling weight u’re carrying or the shadow u’ve been dragging
through the streets or across the beach
are u the summer of my winter or a safehouse for one storm
i see us in the stars
i read them with my eyes closed
i feel them with my hands on ur shoulders with the lights off

semidiós
te amo cariño
the thing is- us demigods- we rule the game as we play
seventeen years behind with a vision so insane and so surreal
never loved- never been loved anyways- i never knew if i feel
but all the ways i’ve tried to change never worked out well for me
i didn’t expect to find love at all as if i was born to be alone forever
i’ve lived a crazy half life yet i’ve never felt free
i plundered heaven
no stone was left unturned there
no star of the night sky was left unmoved
but since now until the end of time i will proudly call u mine
from sunrise till dark
from good morning to good night
sheltered in ur arms
my only valid safehouse
until nothing or no one could reach us anymore

i found the gates to wonderland
one made for u and me
i forgot who i am and who i used to be as i swam in the lukewarm sea
tattooed heart beating in my chest and ur face on my mind like a memory
it’s what always succeeded to sustain me
it’s always been the sufficient remedy
since the day i woke up free on a prepossessing beach and saw u next to me
i thought it was a dream
u said u’re just like me
we rose to shine
we were born divine
lovers’ tracks affix and spark brighter than blazing stars
i looked u in the eyes
poured u a glass of fine champagne and threw two cubes of ice

I’m so ******* high on stardust, I inject glitter into my bloodstream.
I live in no fairytale and that a prince won’t find me is highly likely.
I only write stories about longing, after all that’s all I feel.
But I’m good with the pen, have a soul of a poet, I’m creative.
So I grab my calligraphy pen and I write your name in cursive, then I take one breath and write mine next to yours.
It’s an untitled story, an unpublished romance and I’m not sorry for any nuance woven into it.
I take his proposition.
Ask my everwishing soul to speak sweet compliments like someone playing the harp.
I polish my blue eyes like sapphires, let them sparkle in the glow of big round emeralds,
and that is the start.
That is the start.

Where do I continue, I wonder.
Friends first or lovers, I ponder.
For realism I’ll make it meander and weave in a couple of tears wet nights so when all the lights turn back at them, he would grow fonder and realize he loves him so much.
But my pen is just an object, I’m the object of some grand plan, I’d try to paint what I crave so bad, but even the greatest painters fail, cause love is hard.
Play my song, take a cruise under overpasses in West Oakland, California is home, but if he won’t come I think I won’t go.
And that is the draft.
That is the draft.

After many ripped out pages and grenadine flavored drinks, I can’t write the conclusion.
I don’t wanna be there yet
I don’t wanna skip past that
I don’t wanna climb that high
Cause if I fall, may not stand up.
I leave my calligraphy pen, shut the pages provisionally, then I get undressed and swim in the glittering stars.
And that is the ending for now.
That is the ending for now.

Caramel melting in my mouth,
this poem wasn’t even meant to be about you,
I don’t know your name,
but the kiss was so good I can’t forget you,
baby,
you moved away,
like a tide or a wave,
I forgot you existed,
sweetness sickness,
I still have that bellyache,

my swiftness was your fuel,
jewel to your paper crown,
and you just tasted like,
the caramel latte that I bought on my way from work,
the chasers left the town,
and Venice was my home,
I never thought of you a single time on my way from work,
my tastebuds didn’t work,
Cinnamon all night long,

but you have a blank page in my lovers textbook,
I saved colorful pens if I will ever find you,
blue sky,
red fire,
and cotton candy clouds,
everything seems normal without you,
some days
I think
how all this time
I was living happy without you,

the love songs,
with no addressee,
keep being sang back at me,
but I have stuff
to care about
more than I do currently,

caramel flowing from candy,

you are not mine and never were,

I **** at storytelling,

hurt and free to go.

All the districts of the valley point one way when reunited
interfering wholly in our mankind
self esteem was fulfilled
One daily poem mastered. Another one was started
then I’ve checked my horoscope
and vehemently made a turn
just to crash into a field of lavenders soft like chartreuse
Reimagining my long term goals
since I’ve fallen down from heaven before
made a point set prior to recolor
Me.
And now amity gained its spirit
when each subject foregathered
into one big major plan to chase you down and keep like Summer
in my eyes joyful and oversaturated no filter anything.
Key in ignition full speed I’m intellectually lit
hot to the touch agleam alternatively
I assess this alignment
so I tend to be me

thoughts mismanaged
blue stream across your page is dried out
flora molten air dense in the previous chapter
Resistance
and vulnerability
Your two natural satellites you keep for a reason until season in which
You come alive

You come to one after shattering
go out on evenings to your favorite alley unorganized to this time
did time for money
you had your oasis happy time
you were unbelievably happy
May my lust for living never waver upon the tropical flow
may it maintain obsidian stability
with its roots planted deep
seeking water afterwards ambrosia I wish I could pour all over me
Now I have a reason to be

Not for you
Not for them
But for me

but before I say ich liebe dich
May my vigor never wither under promised sycamore trees
in the dream you created we directed
against everyone’s will
Moon is rising
I’m in heaven
I’m in your arms
Light as feather

Live for living
Lust for being
just to write down your intentions
later burn them if you wish to

Moon was rising
dressed in vigor
and then
the moon had rose.

you go in and out of my head like it’s a coffee shop,
day or night,
warm or cold.

i want to say thank u
for standing by my side during the eclipse
for observing it with me from the pier by the beach
and for being the witness to my evolution and growth
thank u- for triggering the chain of necessary events in order to free me
for making me feel like i’m loved

today i felt stronger
put on my favorite dotted t-shirt that reminds me of the perfect summer
which was the metaphor of emptiness dissolved in disguise
cause when i looked up to the skies to search for symbols addressed to me
i saw nothing but a blue sheet with silver fluffy lines running symmetrically
almost like a river aiming to trespass the gates of surreality
and to flow on my roof like rain
on colder summer days

but- ever since i found u it brought end to my solace i’ve planted in solitude
like palm trees in long beach in old black and white hollywood films
my apparently fake permanent watermark vanished like a ripple
along with ur name appearing on my heart like a handwritten tattoo
after a flat stone was thrown into the water
on which the image of the moon was distorted and wavy but reverted
to its original form but it appeared to have been painted
so i dived in but this time not by myself
not with a leather jacket on somewhen around two a.m.
and the real meaning behind love turned out to be more beautiful
than i could have ever imagined
thank u
for placing a canopy above my parade
and bringing me warmth to heat up my frozen heart on hot summer days

tomorrow i will start my day off by saying hello to u
as i always do
i will confess my love as if this wild journey was brand new
forever anchored to the rule number one of a pulsing relationship
and once again bow down and thank u
because for the opportunity to gaze into ur brown eyes and feel ur touch on my body
i would have sacrificed the glory the fortune and all the world’s money
but it all crashed into me like a tsunami on a spring day in early morning
i let the stream carry me like a boat bound to a distant coast
the closest a place on earth will get to paradise
where u would greet me with a kiss
willingly drown in the bliss
in which i don’t mind drowning

i vow to stay with u
for keeping me calm amidst cyclones
for filling the void running through my heart like a cave
for reviving me completely shattered and lifting from my grave
for giving me a striking reason to row for u if i no longer can for me
and for convincing me that life can be beautiful
just like ur magnificent brown eyes that i’m addicted to
and that pierce my soul with a beam of iridescent light
as i rain down
and tear around
holding ur hand
in an enclosed paradise

Men are like roses - pretty but painful to get ahold of.
Like top-shelf champagne - savor them until you can't.
I sip like a lord
Fans and vinyls spin around
I sweet text you
Rain on you emoji hearts

I don't want dollar trees
Just you all over me
Your grandfather's clock ticking
And your daddy's embroidery

No rose will ***** my hands tonight.

Let's stroll into your daddy's country club bb
Play "Right Time" by Nikki Lane in the back of a jeep
because bae, it's always the right time to do the wrong thing

Daddy was a sailor, but I stuck to toy ships in the bathtub - and it’s only as far as I got into the deep waters.
I swam a flash of a lifetime and only as far as the watchful eye of the lighthouse could see.
Past that range I never set my anchor in, but that didn’t stop me from gazing ahead through my sextant’s cracked lens.
I ran my fingers across the nautical chart and all the bays were just circles I kept walking in the dark, but I threw wood into the hearth to keep myself from freezing.
I kept me warm when times got rough.
My home is like a port side, but there’s a nautical knot around my heart.
My quarters are in cobwebs and the door is boarded up.
I write so it’ll get better, but all a sailor says is lies.
How do I lose the great whites biting into the stern of my boat?
I didn’t want to sink.
So I headed back to the port.
Lord enlighten me and let my heart go on.

My hotheadedness I take after my grandfather and my softheartedness from Jesus himself.
I’m trying my best to be brave like my father but the wind and the waves and the deep waters, they scare me off.
I feel a little adventurous, but that’s a feeling that washes off, when the tides rise or lightning strikes or when I see another boat.
My heart is covered in nautical knots and I shoot flares into the sky, only so when I get heard I sail back to hide
in the cold navy naiveness.
Lord give me strength to be brave like them.

My old man upstairs, he loves to remind me of what I think I need.
14 dreams in, I need to make up my mind or start writing my will.
I try so hard to lose the great whites
to free my heart and have it go on like a tugboat of a drunken sailor fallen overboard.
My man one floor higher, he sometimes brings me to heights higher and higher.
He watches me sweat fighting fire with fire
but I can’t keep falling for someone new just to forget the one before him.
I’m quietly hoping
I’m quite nearly there
off the desired shore
of the Avalon Island.
My father was a sailor, but he threw in the towel for a reason I don’t know, I played with wooden ships in the four walls of my home.
I never sailed so far off that land merged into sky and everything was blue, the sea, the skies and I.
So lord enlighten me and say how long to wait, divine me coordinates when it’s right.
Let my heart float away like a letter in a bottle thrown astray to that one person a billion waves away.
Avalon is an island far away, but distance is a made up thing.
It doesn’t matter if I’ll have you here, cause in heaven I’ll have everything.

The higher we go
To space
The freer I feel my baby
You find my hand
The heat
It soothes my aching head

All the rains are gone, I’m listening to the hummingbirds
All the skies are clear, I spin, watching the dance of planets
Because you know what makes a man like me happy, baby
I’m beside you, bedside blues but I’m undressed

I love the moon
The sun
The stars like I’m Daenerys
You make me shine
Brightly
And so I feel like I’m the greatest

Tell me truly, did you know you were falling for a stargazer
I hope you know, I’ll picture us both in the stardust chasing
The shooting stars as they dash and we would be interlacing
Into a cometh that others would see

All the rains are gone, I’m listening to the hummingbirds
All the skies are clear, I spin, watching the dance of planets
Because you know what makes a man like me happy, baby
I’m beside you, bedside blues but I’m undressed

Maybe in the space we can be together
Maybe in the unknown I can be yours forever
Maybe then I would be perfect in your eyes
And I wouldn’t have to try not to get lost in starry skies
I stand proud like a statue of a god
Tryna get you to join my yerba mate club
If you come, know I got you till the sun stops
Be your bed gargoyle and watch you through the night
You ***** me like a lightbulb and I shine
Aloft I feel when you push me high up
You make me who I am so I stay by your side
And I stay the same
Except now I’m not

I wanna wake up to the sound of ice clinking in a glass of wine
thinking:
**** me for falling asleep so soon.
I wanna hold you as the moon
creeps outside the window
leaps over flamingos
and swimming pools that wash off dunes.

I wish I had bought you something cute on Rodeo Drive
but you’re the rich one
I’m your sugar baby for life.

I was waiting for the walking green at the time
thinking:
I don’t wanna wear you off like a typhoon.
On our honeymoon
we stopped by Dayton Way
I asked my heart some questions
And then I found the way.

life is simple but
some things are clear in the dark,
in the soft moonlight.

I keep a few bucks for a rainy day,
just in case I fall too hard for you and I’ll think I can’t escape.
I keep them for a fortune teller’s say
so they’ll divine our souls’ whereabouts in a couple years.

I don’t wanna chase
My legs and heart are sore
I don’t wanna chase you
If I will never catch you

But if you take a glance under all of my layers
Climb over the fence that’s immune to prayers
I’ll love you
I’ll give you every smile I have
I’ll love you
Like I should’ve loved myself.
I’ll love you like a painting when you’re 60 and your beauty’s fading.
I’ll love you like I love Amy.
I’ll love you like Red Hot Chili Peppers love California in mañana.
I’ll love you like I love Lana.
I’ll love you when you lose yourself and whimper like a baby.
I’ll love you like I love David.
I’ll love you from a booth in the Midwest if all we’ll get is calling.
I’ll love you like I love Joni.
I’ll love you when the trees are naked and they’re green and leafy.
I’ll love you like I love Stevie.
Because it’s ****** to walk alone
Alone at heart at lonely roads, so listen:
I’ll love you like I should’ve loved myself
You make me feel exceptional, but I need a tarot reading
You make me feel unique, but my heart and legs are weary
I’ll love you if you let me love you
if you hear the desperation that I so don’t try to hide
and with those few bucks I’ve been holding on to
I’ll buy you something sweet - you seem the sweet type of guy.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

This is divine providence
Heart shaped arrows tipped with strophanthus
This is not deliverance
Love potions leave you with a bitter aftertaste
Now I’m waiting for summer to come
Now I’m grateful for no roses in my house
I didn’t assign my soul to another
And I didn’t confess when I wanted to
This is divine providence
I know from a gypsy in Providence, Rhode Island, provided I wasn’t jinxed.
I’m still up for Portsmouth, New Hampshire, slowly dance eyes up, still looking at the wandering stars above.
This is divine providence
This is no coincidence
I don’t know what to believe
Amidst cosmic ambivalence
This is divine providence
This is divine interference
I can see it clearly now
This is divine involvement

˚:✧ *ੈ✩‧₊˚ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆˚✩ *˚:✧ *ੈ✩‧₊˚ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆˚✩ ˚⋆･ﾟ:⋆˚✩
˚:✧ ੈ✩‧₊˚ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆˚✩ *˚:✧ *ੈ✩‧₊˚ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆˚✩ ˚⋆･ﾟ:⋆˚✩
˚:✧ ੈ✩‧₊˚ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆˚✩ *˚:✧ *ੈ✩‧₊˚ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆˚✩ ˚⋆･ﾟ:⋆*˚✩

For the record, I don’t give a ****.
I haven’t given one since the day I dropped “Hollywood”, really.
For the better, I don’t push my luck.
I haven’t had a lucky streak since the day that never came.
For the record, I’ve never had a movie night on Valentine’s Day that turned into a French kiss marathon under the projector
I’ve never sat abreast on bleachers with my head on someone’s shoulder, feeling normal, listening out for a taco truck, ******* hating the heat but loving the breeze.
And loving the track he thought was fire enough to share with me.
If I were to share one, I’d play “Thinking Of You” by Sister Sledge, be like “I love the lyrics, they make me think of you”,
but I never got to say that.
The only thing that ****** me raw was life and it wasn’t even that good.
It wasn’t addicting.
It was nowhere near good.
For the record, I’ve never been to prom and I’m blessed to not have gone.
I wouldn’t dare dance my own way and my way is taboo, an elephant in the room.
Not even the scent of my perfume or a wine topper going off could give me confidence to be honest with myself,
to stop being an average bystander just to become part of the background or a meek voice that’s sinking into traffic south of El Sereno.
I don’t want what’s expected of me, please stop asking.
Find me out at El Camino, but please stop writing my life for me.
I don’t wanna have kids, I don’t want a wedding.
I don’t want a “wife plus kids” happy ever after package.
I don’t know what I want, but I don’t want this.
For the record, I’ve never had a Netflix session gone ****** and my favorite memory is my first day in LA.
I’ve never kissed anyone in the school’s restroom and then ran out cause our song was on, was part of a party’s tracklist.
That’s why I’m setting the record straight, I’m done showing a facade that’s fake.
The only thing that ****** me was life and it wasn’t satisfying
I liked smoking more
but I’ve only smoked five cigarettes.

I think I’m alive to have butterflies
run around like a sociopath with my butterfly net and like every one I catch
be like “You’re so ******* beautiful, but I have a hundred just like you”
this is me being honest.
I think I exist to have eyes for guys
change them like clothes when I find better looking ones that don’t suit me anyway
Oh, lord have mercy, I’m simping my way into my grave.
I think I’m alive to be all smiles
I’m a ****** of adrenaline that gets me hyperventilating and dilates my eyes
Keeps me up until 3, forces to contemplate what I’m losing and what I can save
Oh, lord have mercy, I’m ******* my way into my grave.
He’d make me sing like na na na na na.
*** on bleachers, hearing Bananarama.
Sit next to me like “Ayo, Lana Banana, where’s the smile on your face, today’s mine or your place?”
These cheerleaders have sun bright futures, all I’ve is decay, but you, Juan, you can take me to your place.
I don’t want ***, I want a hug. A friendly face amidst these *******, a seat next to you in the back of the bus, this was supposed to be my heartstopper, what went wrong?
I got to feel like Charlie for a day, now I’m the gay cousin, it’s official, my heart’s wants are superficial, phone’s still not buzzing.
I used to be interrogated at family functions about my love life, I had none to little.
I used to ride in the back of the school bus with all the coolest people.
I have a bi pride flag baptized with a water cannon by a drag queen in a fabulous orange wig.
I sang Lady Gaga on a pride parade, I saw a cute gay couple and it made me think why not me?
But then I thought that one day it will be worth sitting alone and keeping love confessions at the tip of my tongue, believe me when I say I deserved better.
This year I’ll get the luxury of living a life.
I pray for it when I lay down in bed.
For the record, I want everything I never had.
To be honest, if you’re on board, just don’t be delicate.

I don't wanna have to be poetic in love no more
only choose the citrus shampoo and perfume
for you My Love.
I don't wanna have to celebrate every month anniversary
but I will never forget March 27 - that's when I realized how much you mean to me.

Won't push your name outta my dictionary
or your face outta my head.

I don't wanna have to outdo myself every night
I can't always be your guardian
But I can work a lullaby

Instead of writing ballads - I cook for you
pretty much breathe for you
I do it all idealistically and thorough
it's just that..
I don't get poetic in love no more.

I make your bed for you,
but don't open the door.

I cooked pretzels for your birthday,
instead of gifting you a rose.

I tell you everything I feel,
but nothing comes in prose.

Sometimes I think
the reason I cling to you
is because you haven't had the time to hurt me yet.
But I want to believe
straightforward that
You are just the one for me.

I like to smell bellflowers in Bellflower, California.
I love the hilltops over Glendale and Mount Hollywood Drive.
Like myself I love them.
I fantasize about highways and neck kisses in the night
Being driven blindfolded to a spot in Griffith Park
Get me out and lead me wherever you want

I dream a bunch of airplanes, but this isn’t JFK
But I don’t dream of oceans nor the ones who tried to drown me screaming help
You brought me to a different beach and as I came out all sandy
I showered it off in the motel and had you on top with your chain dangling
But when I killed the light
I didn’t dream of anything bad.
I didn’t hear waves rolling in my subconsciousness or feel the smoothness of my hands
I felt lucky that this happened to me
not necessary happy, but if I grow to cherish roadtrips like this, we’ll go again and I’ll end up laughing on our way home.
Listen to my favorite record
or a song stuck in your head.

For now I’m lying face up thinking
before I find happiness I gotta embrace my sadness.
Like she did.

I think about Cindy when our laser sights meet
at some point in space,
what’s so victorious about you I wonder,
Venus,
three poems are enough to express your lack of knowledge about me,

I look out of my car window but this time it is the real thing,
which I’ve been anticipating,
turn the purple lights on like on the set director,
learn to be a potent factor,
I don’t open up about homemade allegories,
lasers meet,
at one point,

I storage arcane sketches in remote places and your mind unfamiliar,
you paint and paint,
when we both evidently know you’ve mistaken everything about me,
you know very little about me,
but you found my weak spot like through laser vision,

you’re different than my other girls,
you find a use in it like the greatest individual philosopher,

you don’t accept advices directly through mail, but through air,
through the light like an enduring beam
of purple light,
it started with Violet,

you are just something else.

[Part 1 - Undone]
I got in the shower with my headphones on, listened to my favorite singer sing about getting naked and I haven’t related to a song as much since the time she sang about being born to be the other woman, cause I was born to be the other man and I made my peace with that.
Maybe we’ll meet in another life.
Maybe then I’d be happy by his side.
Anyway, I’m gone now.
I had no reason to stay.
Call me up if you want me to do something for you
like run an errand
or ****.
Ima set this as my voicemail, so all the men who things haven’t worked out with will hear it.
I could still give you something.
I’m not over you as much as I wish I was.

[Part 2 - Bitchslap]
My baby is the biggest sadist under the moon
You create mayhem but I can’t stop loving you
You make me sad like the ******* sky’s blue
You inflict pain and sweetness and I can’t break loose
It’s just circles, it’s just dead ends for you.
I could be a god, but still not good enough for you.
My baby is the biggest sadist under the moon
You paint me blue but I can’t stop liking you
I’m suffocating when we’re in the same room
You don’t give a ****, but I’m so obsessed with you.
I need a distraction
I need to take action
He’s sweet, but I’m auto-destructive with my fantasies.
I’m so not over any of them,
but I’m choosing to forget that I can’t have them.
I could still give them something.
Am I the only one who feels this way?
Do they ever think of me?

[Part 3 - Candy Crush]
Takes me to the Hamptons, I’m the apple of his eye.
Sings Dylan up real close, I’m his groupie for life.
Sweet like coca cola, I get high off him at night.
Chews me up and spits me up like I’m cherry bubble gum.
Takes me to festivals, I’m his vintage money.
Drives me to the vistas, I’m his bitter honey.
Without him I’m nothing, I’m the light of his life.
I’m his little baby, every day and night.
Sweet like sugar baby,
Only ride or die.
Nothing to lose baby,
Like Bonnie and Clyde.
I got nothing to lose now,
I’m his baby for life.
I learned to flirt from TV,
Decipher me from WikiHow.

[Part 4 - Errands]
Pick me up from school, we can run some errands.
Drive me to your place, choose the fastest highway.
Handle me with care, I go ahead like a Ferrari.
I speedrun relationships, ***** I’m motopapi.
Let me run my hands up your thighs, hang on your shoulders.
Let me caress your hip bones, gently collide our foreheads.
I can sleep on his hips, I ain’t going anywhere.
Follow me on socials and then to the shower.
Once you go bad, there’s no going back.
There’s no going back.
He can play some hip hop, so his neighbors won’t hear.
Crash me into the ocean, LAPD in the rear.
Once you go brave, you won’t ever give a ****.
You won’t ever give a ****.
I can undress him slowly, I can drive him like a Lambo.
Run my hands upwards like I’m doing a glissando.
Once you go to town, you’re a local there.
You’re a local there.
My consciousness is calling, Ima call you back in two weeks.
My senses are calling, Ima call you back in never.
“What the hell are you doing?” they keep asking me.
Running errands, that’s what I am doing.
I never had a boyfriend, but I’ve had fun in spite of that, that’s the least I could have so why’re they surprised I did?
Now I want the bare minimum and I wanna get it daily like I’m buying groceries, meet somebody new, write his number down on a Walmart receipt, call him up and get my hopes up, get hooked up and give him up.
I’ll see him in another life.
I might love him in two.
He might love me back in ten.
You’re hella cute, hella cute when you stutter, I like your face but you’re also hella outta reach, nowhere close to my dominion.
Hell, at least run an errand with me, it’s the bare minimum.
Pick me up from the gardens, we can waste our time.
Drive me to the riverbed just to break my heart.
Don’t ask me for money, hit me up to chat.
I got nothing to do, nobody here to love.
So it’s no wonder why I want all the things above.
Treat me like a ghost,
I’m gone as we’re speaking.
At least give me a call,
I’m not gone entirely.
I don’t regret what I do, even if it winds up fruitless.
It’s the minimum of it, both its grandeur and crudeness.
It’s a crazy thing.
You and I both know this won’t work, but it’s the best we’ve ever had.
It’s the best we’ve ever had.
The hardest thing is knowing when to give up and I made my peace with that.
I made my peace with that.
Run errands with me, take me to your place, give me what others have.
Get naked in the shower.
Get drunk on hope.
Give up, repeat, crash into the ocean.
Let’s do something together.
Just to stop feeling lonely.
Get high on the minimum of what we’ve never had.
Even if it’s for the night.
Drive me to your house.
Don’t blame me for being this way.
I gave up on the good life long ago and I made my peace with that.

no service out here
summer is finally over and i’m set free from my chain
now i’m left to wonder by myself
about where do i go from here
what i do know for sure at the moment
is that i won’t have spent the night calling the failed romantics hotline
with u in my heart i’ll make it until sunrise
i have no tears to hold now
no steam to blow off now
and i put my citrus perfume on to enchant the fall night
to brighten it up and to forward oxygen to fire towards its apogee at midnight
i’m not crying anymore
world cut me i’ll bleed ichor

if there’s someone watching over me indeed
don’t pull me out of this cycle please
let stars burn in peace
i won’t allow the world to burn me out- i promise this!
u just have to trust me infinitely and without doubt to achieve peace
because i’m never stopping again until i enchant u to me
i’m done losing people- that’s all

i won over the heat
over the coldness within me
cater the spark so it evolves into fire
the way i’ve been taken care of so now i’m who i am
i promise to everyone who listens- i’ll keep my love alive all four seasons!
night or day- winter or summer
i promise to keep u safe until spring when we first met
and i was finally lit on fire
my mind is a sunlit coast now
it’s a cruel summer
i don’t mind being sunburnt
i love the heat u bring me- i’ll take care of it- i swear!
i’ll hide the flame in my arms so it won’t waver by the wind
i’ve failed such thing before but i’m capable now- i promise this!

this fire
it’s growing so hot that it’s turning blue
it’s pushing me violently into bed with u
add wood or it’ll die
extinguish it or i’ll die from the heat from the rush and the devastating wildfire
the havoc of my past life
the highlight of my summer nights
the beginning of my high life
don’t listen to me when i cry
i’m somebody else then
i promise i’ll make things right!

i’m not hot
i’m not cold
something in between- or professionally i’m in love

i’m as hot as cinder
i taste like citrus and salty sea water
i’m a breathtakingly beautiful seashell- as pretty as lonely
and i’m strong but also fragile alas i can never change it
i’m carried places with no consent by strangers
who don’t think the way i do and aren’t the way i am
i’m like this ceramic-like treasure but when they put me in their pocket
in midst of all the things to forget
i break
i fall to pieces as a ceramic vase shatters
i’m fragile and requiring to be held in a delicate way
i wish people could understand that
but people aren’t like u- they can’t decipher me plus u love me and u know me
and u know how to handle something between hot and cold like me

anyways- i’m glad i won’t have spent my life calling the failed romantics hotline
instead i’ll be calling u
love of my life

What on Earth is happening?
is it a sunrise,
or a sunset?
try to find beauty in this astronomical disaster,
the eclipse ended,
it feels like Sunset,
or not...
it feels like Roswell,

what am I doing?
just trying to stay highly protected from this detrimental radiance,
seven killer shots before I performed my first ever rain dance,
and what are you doing?
absolutely nothing,
because you ceased to exist as a result of my unending prayers,
you’re unknown to me,
like an alien,

you’re the unidentified walking object to my inside dependable radar,
diamond doesn’t shatter apparently,
mine did,
and it’s working,
it feels otherworldly like I am on a different planet in space,
three stars,
no rain,
starlit wasteland named after my savior,
and a poem titled ‘Feels like Roswell’,
this took a bizarre turn,
on the spacial turnpike,
difficulty spike,
caramel flavored life,
distorted lullaby,
Elizabeth’s stare,
rocky land,

distortion in time and vision at once,
my world is upside down,
my sad baby found me,
how?
****, I’ll ask the stars;
meditation leads to war with the shiny archipelago,

the neon pink flamingo,
void I don’t avoid,
New Mexico,
Roswell is real and breathing,

triple sunset,
what on Earth is happening?