I don’t gotta go to Sacramento County to say I’ve slept in your embrace
San Francisco’s the farthest I got
and that was enough for me to realize that I love you.

My heart is a Motel 6
and in my hands I hold a keychain
to the room number 13
and to lend I charge no fee

You don’t gotta go God knows where to say you’ve slept in my embrace
just choose me outta other hotels strewn along the 99th hwy
or just stay where you are and I’ll come to you in a song or poem.
Cause love is magical and we’re stuck in that one doorway
leading to sequoias.
Cause there’s plenty of room in my heart - I wish to let you in
and the high and paranoia.

But when you need four walls to guard your heart, I’ve sent you my address
Just hit me up
and I’ll find a room.
Drive up my arms with your fingertips
and go up straight south of Tulare County.

I caressed the surface of your car where you parked it.
I put on your green sweater from where you dropped it.
I wear the clothes you gave me and an honest smile.
I caress your strands of hair like lilies of the nile.

Said rose was your favorite flower and I’m all about hedonism
I don’t walk past a bush without linking them to you
I’ll pick every rose from every square mile
And every drop of blood will turn out worthwhile
Said rose was your favorite flower and I’m all about escapism
I don’t let go of fears without unveiling them to you

Cause I love you for a reason
and that is to not feel lonely on a Saturday night
out in West Hollywood
I understood despite
us being temporary
to nourish us for life.
Cause love is like a garden
the more roses you give, the harder it is to keep it alive
And I don’t wanna get high every time I’m with you.

I wanna touch you
To know I want this to stay alive.
I wanna caress you
on your shoulders like lilies of the nile.

Rosemead flower.
Laurel
Canyon. Hour
‘s late.
Don’t make me sour.
I endeavor
to hold you closest.
Even when summer
wilts ‘fore me forceless.
I wanna hold
and be held closer,
than you hold your roses
closer than closest.

Call it touchstone, cause I tinge you gold
Rub my face against your chest like a noble metal
If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t discern my value
I’m a diamond in the form of a petal

Tears of joy make the finest jewelry, so do the raindrops that dot my forehead, running home to ya.
I await the comfort of spring
Months pass as I blink
The fuller the moon, the more I seem to love ya.

A shoal of stars passes above Calabasas and the peaks that reach beyond
The Hollywood Hills is where I go
My life is a love song
I’m a diamond unburned by every storm

I’m running for my life from my life
I’m running home to ya

I bathe under the moon under stars
I don’t know what to say to ya

I don’t know what I’m feeling when I’m with ya
But one thing I know
Is that it feels good

So spin me ‘round in the ocean of galaxies
Twirl me now straight into your deepest fantasies
Call it even, cause I need it all
Call it touchstone, cause you tinge me gold.

Let me stay for one more minute
ponder over crashing waves
listen to the songs of seagulls
watch my suns drown in blueness.

Just the cool wind and soft darkness
that I bathe in every night
but as soon as I hear thunder
I run like an animal in fright.

             ...and I ruin it all...

All the storms I've managed to hush
enrage like new, no longer dormant
my pieces of art scream from dusty shelves
vintage clocks spinning like carousels
even your photograph on my nightstand
which used to be my private moon
reflects no light upon my hopeful face.
The candles I put out seemed dead forever
but they all turn into one blazing flame
and they start a chain reaction
until my surroundings are living fire
and it's finally ashes.

        ...I'm frightened...

I weep on a total desolation
my pens dry out of ink
the ground lingers arid
the land I haunt is bare
no trees
no water
no seas
no life except for me
everything is burned here
to scorch including me.

          ...I'm frightened...

Bear witness to a beacon
shooting straight out of my heart
I watch it give birth to a tree
majestically waving - I realize there's wind!
I lay on a bed of butterflies
lifting me carefully off the grass that's green!
and so I fly to the sea
where everything started.

  ...I'm no longer frightened...

Contemplating yet another minute
waves crash still within my earshot
seagulls play their new symphony
though I feel something isn't right.

Nothing pretty lasts forever - life taught me
My suns will grow so big
the trees will combust
the oceans evaporate
the seagulls migrate
and the burden that comes within... it may outgrow me.

                                        ...I'm panicking...

I rifle through my nightstand and grab my refilled pen
Cause an avalanche of feelings to run onto my paper
Like I wanna churn out poems as machine gun bullets
Like it's better to burn out than to fade away.

I don't wanna have to be poetic in love no more
only choose the citrus shampoo and perfume
for you My Love.
I don't wanna have to celebrate every month anniversary
but I will never forget March 27 - that's when I realized how much you mean to me.

Won't push your name outta my dictionary
or your face outta my head.

I don't wanna have to outdo myself every night
I can't always be your guardian
But I can work a lullaby

Instead of writing ballads - I cook for you
pretty much breathe for you
I do it all idealistically and thorough
it's just that..
I don't get poetic in love no more.

I make your bed for you,
but don't open the door.

I cooked pretzels for your birthday,
instead of gifting you a rose.

I tell you everything I feel,
but nothing comes in prose.

Sometimes I think
the reason I cling to you
is because you haven't had the time to hurt me yet.
But I want to believe
straightforward that
You are just the one for me.

I can't turn wistful, reminiscing about the times I played with cherubs in rose gardens
turn mud- and blood-stained linens white
no matter how long I try
no matter how hard I rub
Can't wash off the impurity or the vile serpent slithering up my left profile
cause innocence was lost.

In those gardens
my hands bled from thorns
a dozen bruises on my knees from the dozen hundred times
I fell but stood right up.

My friend lit up my first cigarette
she told me I didn't know how to smoke
I couldn't inhale the poison into my lungs
no matter how long I tried.

My closest circle was corrupted with alcohol
spawned a couple drinking parties, liquor flowing down our throats like a cascade
and I was getting good at it.

We were driven to manic places
youth was glamorous like a firefly-lit sky
I was always off to the races
and when we got dropped off by Villa Gemini

I doubted for the first time if this was what I wanted.

Not gold hoops with matching wine cups
on white yachts sailing down the Styx
I changed my ways
rubbed myself clean
leaving scars that will remind me
of all the crazy things I've been
and now when I crave something magnificent
I lean forward for a big kiss
Shadowed by a lemon tree
that comes with nothing evil
Caressing the hair of yours and conquering my ego.

Men are like roses - pretty but painful to get ahold of.
Like top-shelf champagne - savor them until you can't.
I sip like a lord
Fans and vinyls spin around
I sweet text you
Rain on you emoji hearts

I don't want dollar trees
Just you all over me
Your grandfather's clock ticking
And your daddy's embroidery

No rose will ***** my hands tonight.

Let's stroll into your daddy's country club bb
Play "Right Time" by Nikki Lane in the back of a jeep
because bae, it's always the right time to do the wrong thing

Macadamias, argans, coconuts are what I bathe in, Voice Memoing my thoughts, future poetry.
Bathwater hot like Hades's breath
love or die by the hot
My eyes blue like Neptune yet sweet like a honeycomb
and the thoughts that don't stop coming linger
like a superb plot.

Unkillable but sleeping with a gun.
Intrepid but afraid of rearview mirrors
in deserted parking lots.

I left Alanya and drove opposite of Konakli a week after the fires invaded.
I thought I was going to die.
I went to Lake Salda where it wasn’t raining ash
Sick of the red skies
and the AC that I so loved.
I ran away from smoke clouds and I didn't wanna go back.
But what's evil lingered
and so did hope.

I left Alanya and never went to Konakli
I saw the epicenter of wildfires in my county
but never the flames.
The flames saw me.

The desolation haunted me
Didn't buy a single martini
And the ash in the water bugged me
but what could I have done? do not ask me
On the bright side the sun couldn't burn me

And finally
I flew home leaving flames and havoc behind me
Speaking mildly
I thought I wasn't gonna come back.
One lesson I've learned
is as simple as that:
What's evil lingers
and so does hope.

I remember when I was 16
I was my only God
Burning brightly at both ends
heart still on the mend
vaping cherry in the parking lot
with bff's.

Hurts to think I didn't cherish that enough.
But what can I say other than
I was 16 and I was my only God.

Try to keep it 100.
Try to stay this hot.
Try to get that 1000.
Try to be on top.

I rode a ferris wheel amidst a thunderstorm - I wasn't afraid of anything. I worked a day shift with the streets on fire.
Sunburns didn't matter - I was a **** wildfire.
I miss middle school, just cause I was young and man I was shining, stars scattered wherever I went and people I looked up to applauded me for being the man.
I was 15 and they treated me like a god.

But when the night fell I failed to summon light
I asked for matches but nobody was kind
I went to high school
and I hated my life
But finally I've realized there's more good days left in my life.

I was at peak in 2019
that hot I can't combust
But if I'm in need for matches, I learned to ask God.

I met someone at 18
who showed me a different point of view on life
And I thought to myself
that maybe I need faith
that maybe I can feel that way
again.

I've grown out of being humble like I've grown up from being awkwardly limited.
Before my sunnier days, my heart was hanging in my chest like a rigorous bird cage
and it took one word
one simple action
to release my happiness, sadness, anger, glamor and marvel to wander amidst splendor and ordinariness of the planet Earth.

So I became a poet
gave life to a couple hundred poems
that I defend with life period.

If I dipped my head in stardom
and were to shine down upon millions
I would never show up in a black suit and a tie

I didn't choose the language that my soul speaks
and I'm proud.
I never wanted my art to be evaluated
interpreted wrong
because my art is my gladness, my fear, my sadness, my smile, my thunder, my hail and my hotness.
For I change like the weather and I love this climate.
Like the wildest river I meander and I know no ocean to fade into.

No matter the pressure, I won't snap like a rubber band
I won't let the world **** me
Or stamp my precious flowerbeds
Spill water of misconception on my poems
I won't let them

And when the time comes to defend my legacy
I won't show up in a black suit and a tie.

It takes nothing from me to feel like a housewife reclined in front of TV
reading a book I’ve read a hundred times before with the hum of stupid shows in the back of my aching head in the afternoons.
Because it took much from me to realize that the right thing to do when the world is burning
is to sunbathe by the fire that it’s breathing.
And not to give it a second thought.

During my period of self bravery I've lost more than I've gained materialistically
to make it up - I've discovered new traits that had been slumbering deep within me
and what I’m most proud of is that I've learned how to think realistically.

And whatever controversial you do
should not be given a second thought

Because having lost connection with the control tower and cruising in the thunderclouds
I came to understand that the world cleansed from everyone’s buzz
is quiet and pure, like a tulip garden - serene like driving home down from Tulsa.
So in conclusion, when a fruit is sour, it may not be the only fruit in the orchard
same if the road is boarded up there is always some way to go around.
And all the early drives to work
coffee sipping on the parking lot
local radio blaring in the rush hour
to keep my mind at bay from God
things that ruin you should not be given a second thought.

I’m alienated
but I can’t stand withering pinned to a spot

I’m alienated
but I never gave it a second thought

I wear my heirlooms
on nights like these
Let the cool night air overflow my bedroom
acute senses
tensions rising
doorbell ringing
sirens blasting
the air weighs on my shoulders like a thousand jets
the people are hustling
but I borne havoc and glass dreams amidst chaos everlasting

Murdered by my dreams once
and left in a garbage bag
on the side of a road
which I once ran
down
to
the stars

I wanted a fun weekend
and now I'm slowly starting to need you..
I tried to lose myself in Oklahoma
two days off from someone who knows me through
Wind in my hair never felt so free
Now I can't get over you,
Jesus freak.

You taste like fruit marshmallows
delicately melting in my mouth
deliberately too sweet
citrus gold
white hot

I can't get over you Matt
I wanted to arrange my cards, now I'm cheating on my boyfriend and I cannot sleep at night
I tilt left and right
forever in a sugar rush
play pretend
dopamine high

I know that what I do isn't right
I like to call it a fever which will turn out alright.
Even though I lowkey wish you stayed for another fortnight
and one more
and another
It's a lost cause but let's try - not like I have anything else to live for at this time.

I wouldn't be as bold if I had already crossed you out
Maybe if we went back to Daytona, things would go according to plan and we wouldn't have to part ways in August, what do you think my love?
I could live like Lizzy
compose in a trailer park
as long as I'm the same, it's you I'll write about.

  Pull me close to you
    I'm at my weakest now
As long as I'm the same it's you I'll think about.

    It's more than a fever
  Babe I get it now
    I can reach infinity
  Lemme show you how

All my life I strived to be different.
Ever since I took my first breath I've considered myself an artist and may I feel that way until my last.

As a kid I carried my painting kit everywhere and I'd sit and reshape reality into something artistic.
Something that was mine
and nobody else's.
I dipped my paintbrush in a cup of water, tryna not mix the wrong shades
but I did eventually
and thought it wasn't resplendent, the road I once painted, it brought me here.

I love my life
but I've always known I deserved better than that.

The passers-by didn't love me.
I was an outsider in each town where I tried to settle down.
I was no local
I was no resplendent god
I was a ghost in high school, I lived so close but I was no ******* local still (???)

And so I freed a lexical avalanche instead of screaming
God I hate to scream.
My art makes me glad of the pathway I've chosen
and the people I've turned into
I'm glad I'm not anymore.

although
Somehow somewhere I heft this longing
of clasping chain link fences and pulling over by highway drive through coffee shops
The longing for chasing sunsets and dancing in the rain
opening the lid of my miniature treasure chest and putting on my lucky charm...

How do I make this life real?
not a painting or a poem...

                        ???                             ­    ???
       ???                                   ???

???                               ???
                  ???                                  ???
  ­                
I guess I'm gonna have to write

Man
who am I to blame for living in the 21st century amidst wildfires and strikes and racism and homophobia and misogyny all thriving restlessly in broad daylight.
This is not a world I'd choose to live in
but I do and so what???

I'm 1 in 125
I'm a birch in an oak forest
Long story short - life ****** me over, but I'm alive

I come from nowhere
I'm native nowhere
which means wherever I go, I can't really say I'm home there
but I've wandered in my thoughts since I was little
And little did I know I was brought up to stir fiery coal in hell, that was a country of hypocrisy and those who lead it
I pray would burn in hell
but I come from nowhere
and I won't be joining them.

I purge myself out of poison every day
I know people talk **** about me behind my back - guess it's time I started backfiring **** at them.

One - **** my fake "friends"!
******* for smiling at me for show in group photos and secretly wishing I wasn't there.
I hope you know I washed my hands with tons of soap after every unwanted handshake
I reckon you knew I bled trying to satisfy you
paid all your debts, cleaned all your mess, made the world a better place just to get a silent thank you, hidden *******, we exploited you now scram!
Oh, how many "friendships" met their end because of that.
Because I unmasked posers who only cared about themselves.
But I stayed unbent
always true to myself
Counted down the days till I could sever the chain of gullible, future drug-taking hillbillies with rocks instead of brains.
I went to high school fervently hoping I'd find my place
I left high school in a blizzard of bitterness and deliverance.
I could count all the ingenuous smiles I wore, conversations I attempted to weave tired of standing there all alone.
But I won't squander my time on anything like that
That, I don't forgive and I don't forget.

Two - **** the government!
Won't drop names, not cause it's confidential, but cause I don't wanna flaw this page.
When the rightful president candidate lost by a few percent (by trashing his votes cause how in the hell?) a fragile beam of hope within me withered in its tragic end.
My dream of just future dried out anticipating rain, but all that dropped that fateful day were tears of regret.
I have no nationality
When someone asks me where I'm from I change the subject, cause it's better than the medieval ******* of a country I'm from, where even gaslight is subpar and I feel second hand embarrassment for those who dictate on.
I try and diminish that part about me.
That's pretty much how I've been dealing with inhuman laws and censorships arising. The hate of politics, it helped me carry on. Every time I almost jumped into conclusions about me
That maybe I misfit in this wicked world
I envisioned when they fall I'll be the first to clap for their monstrous loss.

**** the Church! I do believe in God and blissful afterlife for me
but I also believe that if they say a homosexual is an abominable disgrace to society
then I can reiterate aloud what others say about priests.
Get outta my hair, just like I got outta your lot and remember that you can kiss whoever you want.
**** the school system for making me learn things that flew straight in and out my head, like history of this country and if I could, I’d rather be born somewhere else.
**** the music industry since all it takes to win a Grammy is a preschooler-level written boring song about *** and a **** swinging between your legs.
**** fake equality and setting up people against each other. I'm a feminist and crave equality for us all yet when women call all men ****, where's equality after all???
**** courtesies like rushing to open doors, paying for someone cause it'd be rude not to or carrying their bags home from school. I treat everyone equally, no goddess or god, the way I'd like to be treated if I were another soul.
**** "family friends" who only babble about my ****** life, whorehouses and ******* every ******* time, like I'd rather sleep at the table than listen to your crap.
I envy my future self after having seen the faces of yours after I tell you what I think about you.
I tried to sweep you all aside and withhold my hatred inside
I've been trying frankly
In the world I crave there's my face carved into Mount Rushmore
Like Benjamin Franklin
I only want a good life for me and those I love
For now thought I scream:
FUUUUUUUUUCK!
I feel light as a feather hovering in a tranquil dream.
My resentment keeps me going
This poem is how I deal.

There's a drought in the neighborhood now that I've stepped into the longest summer of my life.
My days go by slowly
TV shows all through
fly to Alanya in July
not stepping outside.
That's how I'll let the longest summer of my life fall through my palms like dry thyme.

And why it's so hot I don't wonder why.
You were the first who made me love my life and perceive rainbow when lightning strikes.
Long story short - I only need you not to go dry.

It's on my old Hollywood bucket list to watch "Valley Of The Dolls", I've seen it recommended on an Insta page - the one I follow that posts about Sharon Tate.
It's about three women that pursue a career in the entertainment industry but fail and out-of-hand drug abuse progressively prevails.
It reminded me of my life, as odd as it sounds.

Into the Valley of The Dolls
all my ex friends leapt and never have we talked since.
And there I was - sunburnt and worn out after a long weekend off in the South West. I had a blast but
I didn't feel like telling anyone.

Shortly after I strolled down the maritime boulevard and caught the glimpse of air hockey tables standing where they usually are - and there I was - sunburnt and hot
and the people I was with.. I no longer really know.

Therefore I

Won't lower my eyelids in the valley once
I'll stay away from the wildfires
I'll do it for fun.

I'll never smoke again to impress anyone
Not even drink if my burns cry to be numbed.

I'll be in the sun - pondering my next move
Reach for your picture or a poetry book?

7 colors ricochet off of me like a windshield
I'm opaque but I embody them all.
I have dreams
colorful dreams that seem too good to be true
but life without dreaming is not worth living for.
And of course, I have you, my love
You, who I return home for and who I think of when I'm away, cause thinking of anything other than true love is not worth thinking of.

And alas - there's the outside world
that stretches out from behind our dome we thrive under
Our home.
To sound more dramatic - our only home.

You see, you can't build a dominant civilization like Babylon on quicksand - the heavier your bricks are, the faster they'll sink in there.
What the world is lacking right now is a magical touch of a rainbow's end.
And as long as you let the chromatic river run majestically through your barren land
vibrant events are certain to happen - it makes absolute sense.

7 colors make my soul

Red like lipstick
like the sky is over lively beaches on balmy summer evenings where locals gather to watch the sunset.
Red like strawberries on gingham blankets.
And I cherish moments like these
nothing I have to do. Nowhere I have to be now.
No. Just the red sky to photograph and to post to Instagram.

Orange like caramel
like that one latte I used to buy on my way back from work.
It reminded me of someone I thought I loved.
And when I tasted it with delight I thought that was what your kiss must have tasted like
Sweet and expensive.
Turned out I was looking for love in the wrong coffee cups.
I watched skies roll forth and clouds hold hands
I've always been the sweet type
I found the correct cup
in the end.

Yellow like dandelions in spring, when me and my baby first met.
As a child I enjoyed blowing them, making my very own tiny blizzard of seeds on light wind.
And I miss my early days when all I had to do was run around and play and say good morning to neighbors in my beloved apartment complex.
Argue with friends over Halloween candy and video games or which type of prank phone call should we do next.
The world we knew was beautiful - but it was oblivion.
And a little oblivion never hurt no one.
To this day, just like yellow flowers I come to life in spring.

Green like nature
symbolizing the undying goodness in me.
As a Sagittarius - I possess a soft heart offering room for souls seeking solace in cold streets.
It's just written in my nature.
And your nature is something that you can't reshape.
I look for a place where all my traits are nothing like madness
nothing out of this world - nothing not humanlike.
I deserve love - like everyone else on Earth.
And freedom with equality - that's why I keep supporting BLM and LGBT - because my nature sprouts vivid and green and after all I believe in the goodness within a person.

Blue like the Pacific
like cloudless skies stained with chemtrails
Blue like the Baltic Sea humming the same old soothing melody as I arrive on the pier
I come here for no reason - I do it for free.
I don't imagine a life without traveling to the sea and then making my way down the wooden steps leading to the beach and feeling the grains of sand under my feet.
There's things in life that mean so much but cost nothing.

Indigo like evenings in fall
the mythical dream realm which I dive entirely into, hoping for a better tomorrow.
Indigo like the charming mist surrounding me in my decisive hour and leading me on to the right path.
You see, life is actually beyond the abstract grasp of horoscopes and the real magic occurs when you forge who you are in a made-up universe under homemade stars.
And when you remember that nothing happens for a reason.

Violet like amethyst
must be one of the most beautiful crystals to exist.
I collect gems and stones and other fascinating things that I stumbled upon over the years.
I collect memories and turn them into something sweet in case they're bitter
I feel like to be happy is to sweeten what lacks sweet.
Find not just postcards but people, not bystanders but lovers
Make a legacy that you should be proud to show the world.
And to bring what you loved most to eternity.

7 colors make me who I am

And who I am is a hellbent dreamer looking for wonderland, with my mind made up and convictions written with my fingers on moist sand,
that will shortly be erased by the waves
rolling back and forth.
But I still hold them tightly in my mind - and compared to the unfair nature of life and cruelty of individuals, mind is a powerful force.

That's the story
nothing to cross out or add.
7 colors make me
and I couldn't be more proud.

I ring the bell, hoping you’re home Esther- I know you’re not.
I saw you left the window slightly open as if you never left.
You know, I feel like you could’ve been the right person to cry on the shoulder upon upheaval.
Because like mine, your spellbound odyssey had its twists and turns and derails-
and the people that come and go.. you’re not like them like me.
Me, I was drifting toward cliques the way moths are allured by candlelight at night- but pulling out other’s weeds never makes you a better gardener.
And you can’t just float through life.

Why do I feel so much like you, continuously swimming against the tide in my senior high school year?
In the wrong place like you, when you were a fashion magazine editor in New York, contemplating life and chatting w newly met men over plain ***** in lousy bars w your only friend.
then delving your body into steaming hot baths to eradicate that familiar weight on your exposed shoulders.
Counting every crack in the ceiling and pondering the origins of bathtub faucets you’ve encountered.
You didn’t really care for which direction your inner compass was turning-
me neither.

I never went to prom.
I never even wanted to go.
I never wanted to graduate.
I never wanted to grow up…
Safe to say I have no big plans to look forward to, but just like the foamy tops of waves that carried you, I’m sure they will find me someday - same way I found you.

So, why when I gaze into my bathroom mirror I see you?
You, on glamorous movie nights, dreaming of going to bed.
You, in a psych ward, after yet another failed attempt.

Some things are too hard to heft - therefore they should be let go of - it’s a gift to be aware of it.
I’m almost certain, that you thought that too, while ironing your victorian nightgown or watching tears race down your new stanzas, staying all week in bed.
It’s not a bad thing to feel this way.
And one thing I wish you’d known since the beginning of your spiritual road trip is that you don’t have to be rich or outgoing or just so cool
to be the greatest.

I’m an outsider
I come from the hot tropical zone where I was written into existence by the restless hands of a misunderstood writer.
I have one main fault that’s been keeping me far from Paradise
Far from You
and it’s high time I started listening out for directions from You.

Let me taste Your rivers, Paradise
Let me wash my hands in the glimmer of Your eyes
Cleanse me from my past
And nowness that I despise
so that I can turn into an inhabitant of Yours, a native, a real one
and I can be happy with my life beside You, regardless of everything.

Let me breathe in Your air, Paradise
The land where I come from is polluted and I couldn’t breathe there.
It was toxic air,
fires running inland.
In and out of my lungs in an endless cycle of detriment.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
It’s taken much from me and I come empty-handed with my eyes pointed downcast as I stand in front of You.
I’m so small compared to You, but I need You in every way, please be mine, please let me be Yours.
I beg You to let me enter Your gardens that thrive lush all the time - I beg You to let me grow.
Let me sink into Your fertile earth
for a minute to free my mind
and to learn the taste of heaven.
Plant my roots in Your soil and build a perfect life.
You’re like water and my lips are dry,
can I be an inhabitant of Yours?

I have nowhere else to go if I’m once again exiled
We both know it
And we both know there’s no highlighted path leading to Your gates, as to not let newcomers bang on Your iron fence;
You have to go through hell to see heaven and to pass.

Los Angeles?
on fire

New York?
crowded

I don’t know where to go, but I know for a fact that I can’t stay here - it’s not where I should be.
I feel a million eerie eyes following me and there’s no privacy:
Cameras fixed into park trees
Chemicals flying through my nostrils
and the government is trying to Frankenstein me by propaganda
but I don’t buy it - I’d be stupid if I did.

Which way should I head?
Which corner should I hide in?
Which hotline should I dial other than the hotline for unfulfilled dreamers stuck in a daydream?
If there was such thing, I’d be a full-time caller even though I have quite much, now that I think of it:
  I have a home!
  I have the best lover in the world!
But I’m missing something resting in the back of my head, that I can’t make out, as if through a fog.
It’s like hell down here sometimes, when the summer is at peak
when the sun reaches its zenith, climbing like a vine
       on olive trees

Let me daydream underneath Your freely swaying palm trees that have been growing here decades before me
Let me have one more thing in common with them other than standing there aimlessly and succumbing to the sun.
I’m asking for You - just You, Paradise.
Can I rent a single room in the back of Your grand vicinity and walk quietly to the bar at night by the pond with the lily pads?
No alcohol drinks - I abstain - no loud parties - none of that.
Only bedtime stories with the dim light of the tall lamp by my unmade bed, and the large window opened wide, so I can delightfully breathe You in from my nose to my heart.
Can I plant a few more roses where Your gardens lack pure life?

I don’t want to feel like a burden to You,
and that I’m undeserving, I’m aware, but consider my request, I beg.
Let me be a part of You
tomorrow or later, or never if You wish, I’ll understand that too.
But if You open Your iron gates for me
I’ll walk in and I promise I will blend in
  plant a rose or two
    water your roots
      I hope You understand.

          Forever Yours

one year later we returned to the beach where we stayed for the summer
the breeze felt familiar and those wooden steps made the same sound when i walked down them
they were now part of my life
i booked the same hotel room since i love returning to the good things in my past
just like i keep returning to u my love
but u live rent free in my mind
fragile is my heart when the closest stars align
a year after u and i’ve now less reasons to cry
hardened is my art
i reverted to blonde
mi amor
baltimore...

am i old enough to leave home?
i’m a snowflake in march, i’m not ready to go
i’m soft like a rosebud
my tastebuds crave salt of the sea
one year from now things may look different
u might not be as integral to me
i might run like a flower into land where i’d be
something u’ve never allowed me

will i hold onto my letters?
will i ever forget what we had?
i should’ve known better than to hope all the letters i sent from overseas
would someday become
my national anthem

once upon a dream i stayed at a beach apartment complex
i went in sore and tender
i was coiled like a snake or a salamander in fresh linen
w white angel wings that never got me anywhere
like a faulty angel
but on that day in particular
it was hotter than ever

is there any affliction the sea water can’t cure
i have a headache from the sun
i feel hot standing next to u
i feel hotter lying in bed w u
i squint my eyes and submerge in the mesmerizing blue
like fluid glitter luring me closer as a siren
Odysseus finding his home in nowhere
i go in w u
bb u saved my life

i’m carefree but i think of everyone devoured by their own sea of mind
i contemplate all the time
and i wish i could’ve told u that i love u sooner

Esther, don’t chase rocks beckoning u from deep waters or u’ll hit rock bottom
Esther, i love u, u matter
u can’t just give in to the noir waves of the ocean as it won’t make anyone gladder

Susan, i’ll never forget u
i’m beyond grateful but i had to go on
people gossiped i was crazy for clinging to my own truth and i don’t regret it
if they don’t get it they can *******
i lost my zone of comfort in the name of love and i’m proud
i shouted out what had to be said and i never thought of letting go of ur hand
and i hardly ever shout
nobody gets to write ur story or change ur beautiful mind
i’m beyond happy i got to be the one to tell u this
bb i saved ur life

i can’t keep my eyes neither hands off of u
hold u tightly like i held Benjamin in summer of 2018 and spring of 2020
breathing in aloe vera in a sanctuary
a hundred dollar face tattooed on me
highlighting my worth that i can’t always see
don’t go
i won’t let go of u
promise u won’t let go of urself or of me or i’ll fall
and there won’t be anyone to catch me anymore

i can’t do it without u
won’t go for a swim without u
i’m afraid i may not find my way back if i go or ever find u

once upon real life i stayed at a beach apartment complex
i went out pure and happy
it was a beautiful dreaming session
like an ideal tropical vacation, honeymooning forever
every night felt like a sojourn in paradise
i was swimming in pearl white linen but it felt like i was swimming in a sea
i was hugging my pillow but it felt like i was holding the most beautiful person i’ve seen

when i took ur hand for the first time
i knew exactly what i was signing for
i sensed something warm
like the approaching summer of things i had yet to discover
i felt like i was flying miles above land
might’ve been due to the thousands of butterflies in my stomach
that u planted in me
lifting me like a spinning propeller
might’ve been a hallucination but i was sober
or an innocent dream that came true
i knew right away i was destined to meet u

i see u for who u are
not for what u’re not

loving u is hard but nothing good in life comes for free
i learned it the hard way
and without hesitation- i can say u’re the best thing that happened to me
i don’t know where i’d be if it wasn’t for u

i love u
tears rest on ur lashes like dew
u’re so ******* beautiful
a true work of art
everywhere i go i feel u
but i guess i’m the only one that perceives u in that way

because u have flaws
and the ideal paintings or sculptures don’t
but they’re not actual flaws to me- i loved them since day one
i kept them by my heart
and i’ll keep on loving them because i love all of u- not just the ideal parts

i want to welcome each new day by ur side
i want to say goodbyes to them each night
it’s like i dreamed it
and i manifested it
u brought color into my life
and it’s not fading to my great surprise

as i said- i knew exactly what i was signing for
it was like a sailor’s first sail on a boat in a vast gulf never known before
the sea might’ve been cold or might’ve been warm
the wind could’ve been howling or could’ve been gone
the sailor knew that thus he knew what he was signing for
his love for chasing the horizon overshadowed its flaws
he handled the waters at their best and their worst
and he found his way
to wonderland

i promised i’d cater this love at all times
that i’d stay with u in the dark paradise
and when the love of my life tried to take their own life
it traumatized me to this point that i couldn’t talk about it
so let’s not talk about it

let’s focus on the positives
the amazing things u do to me
u made me believe that i can achieve great things or be who i want to be
that my future is how i write it
and that no one can steal that pen from me
so when i doubt myself in my darkest times
in the dark paradise
to my dreams’ demise
i remember what u told me
i spread my wings wide and fly for u only

i hated love
everyone i fell for turned their back on me and i ended up alone
but when i glanced at ur eyes for the first time ever
i knew this was what i’m signing for
and if u’re not my once in a lifetime
i don’t wanna love anymore

i know how it feels like to be a sagittarius
and i know what u mean when u think u have the whole world against u
almost like i had a facility for reading misjudged minds
i was born on the 13th of december with the silver moon attached to the starry sky
sliding across it like a turtle on a beach off to begin its new life
and i can’t show my entire thankfulness the way i desire to express it-
u’ve always been the north star guiding me where to head in doubt
as i fought my auto-destructive mental malaise with my head up in dull clouds
i sense the feelings in ur words
how their warmth illuminates
i know how u feel and i feel the exact same

and i know u ache for our generation every single day
u just wish things would go differently
u just miss the goodness that never commonly existed
and i couldn’t be more proud of u
i may not be a perfect human being but that doesn’t disqualify me from saying u are
and when i dream of u it feels like i’ve never loved before
the way i adore u
cause u know- i’ve always had taste for people who dress fancy or look attractive
but now that my sweetest feelings have been revived upon the sunrise
i feel like i’m in love for the first time
u are more than a lover to me-
u are the droplet to my needy rosebud
sunshine to my sequoia
riverbed to my missisipi
or just the foundation of the better world u want to construct
and if u could i’m sure u would
i believe in ur pure intentions and balance on their authenticity
ur words are more charming than classic poems to me
and i can listen to them like songs throughout rainy nights
because u own a good heart
that mine is chained to with a chain made of daisies as if it was spring
and even though i’m emotionally far past that line- or a life stage- who knows
we can pretend that it’s spring

i know what it feels like to be a sagittarius
i’ve always walked left when others turned right
i stared at the pond by the main road after the day was over
i stayed home after dark
i kept asking family how it feels to be in love-
so i said to myself no more loneliness or pondering my sadness
whether it’s summer or freezing cold
and when i get lonely i pray that i may lie down with u and watch the sunset
atop the roof in a peaceful riviera in a happy mindset
no past to define me- just words to descry the sense in staying strong
that’s what makes us perfect people
love u all day all night long

i couldn’t sleep last night
i was wilting in the soft moonlight
insomnia leave, insomnia let go
i lay face up counting blazing stars that perish by the dawn
uneasy, the bed is uneven, my pillow is too high
the summer is an oven
i’m in love now
why can’t a beautiful thing be eternal?

why does every perfect thing i touch collapse when i need it most?
why is my life beginning to whirl when i have enough?
enough asking
enough having to look for answers
digging in the earth to find my reasons
my life stole my sunny days from me and i got to keep the nights
and of course i have u my love on top of everyone
thank u for being here always
no matter what

we lied in the sun
but when the world went to dark
we lied in the moon
and the next sunrise was beautiful

through the roof window i watch the painted moon from bed, from ur arms
centerpiece to the pastel sky
two shades of our yin yang that collide like a celestial arc
like fireworks on the 4th of july but far more fantastical
perfect night
perfect time
alone in the house in the dreaming neighborhood
feels like i’ve been given a chance at life as i’m lying next to u-
two lovers in the dark under the painted moon
i’m happy
u have done it

if every night could be like this
insomnia stay, insomnia last
if i can’t enjoy my days i’m gonna marry the night
and love u through the dark

i felt like a fifties movie character the moment i passed the threshold
of my room in the seaside motel
room number ‘i don’t remember’
i dreamed of sleep and sweet tea and bath salts to erase my tenderness
don’t give me a reason to stay but a reason why i would return if i ever leave

there’s things u need to know about me
i’m not the type to bathe in red rose petals and sip wine in a jacuzzi
i won’t bend my knees in a black suit and patent leather shoes and recite poetry
and most importantly- i’m not that weak to call for sympathy
but if u hold me i won’t protest
i won’t raise my voice if u love me
i won’t be hard anymore if u hold me
and i might love u more than anything else if u only love me back
and convince me to stay in this
forever

u can touch me anywhere
i want u to touch me everywhere
i’m restless and under the weather
put on a show for me to make my night better
hide ur hands in the holes of my sweater
and i’ll take u straight to heaven
******* is an art
intense never plain
u swipe the moon away so it becomes day
when u kiss me it feels like lemonade
on a beach party rocking strawberry lingerie
so unholy and i arch like golden gate
and u pass through me like a lightning bolt or a chevrolet
passing the speed limit
in the rearview u see blurring stars
until we find ourselves bathing in the crystalline streams of eden-
baby i’m so happy that i have u
and in hindsight i see no blue
i’m a soft inhabitant of heaven
and we left paradise long ago
but i find my life better than ever
now i love u more than anything else in this world

i want to say thank u
for standing by my side during the eclipse
for observing it with me from the pier by the beach
and for being the witness to my evolution and growth
thank u- for triggering the chain of necessary events in order to free me
for making me feel like i’m loved

today i felt stronger
put on my favorite dotted t-shirt that reminds me of the perfect summer
which was the metaphor of emptiness dissolved in disguise
cause when i looked up to the skies to search for symbols addressed to me
i saw nothing but a blue sheet with silver fluffy lines running symmetrically
almost like a river aiming to trespass the gates of surreality
and to flow on my roof like rain
on colder summer days

but- ever since i found u it brought end to my solace i’ve planted in solitude
like palm trees in long beach in old black and white hollywood films
my apparently fake permanent watermark vanished like a ripple
along with ur name appearing on my heart like a handwritten tattoo
after a flat stone was thrown into the water
on which the image of the moon was distorted and wavy but reverted
to its original form but it appeared to have been painted
so i dived in but this time not by myself
not with a leather jacket on somewhen around two a.m.
and the real meaning behind love turned out to be more beautiful
than i could have ever imagined
thank u
for placing a canopy above my parade
and bringing me warmth to heat up my frozen heart on hot summer days

tomorrow i will start my day off by saying hello to u
as i always do
i will confess my love as if this wild journey was brand new
forever anchored to the rule number one of a pulsing relationship
and once again bow down and thank u
because for the opportunity to gaze into ur brown eyes and feel ur touch on my body
i would have sacrificed the glory the fortune and all the world’s money
but it all crashed into me like a tsunami on a spring day in early morning
i let the stream carry me like a boat bound to a distant coast
the closest a place on earth will get to paradise
where u would greet me with a kiss
willingly drown in the bliss
in which i don’t mind drowning

i vow to stay with u
for keeping me calm amidst cyclones
for filling the void running through my heart like a cave
for reviving me completely shattered and lifting from my grave
for giving me a striking reason to row for u if i no longer can for me
and for convincing me that life can be beautiful
just like ur magnificent brown eyes that i’m addicted to
and that pierce my soul with a beam of iridescent light
as i rain down
and tear around
holding ur hand
in an enclosed paradise

no service out here
summer is finally over and i’m set free from my chain
now i’m left to wonder by myself
about where do i go from here
what i do know for sure at the moment
is that i won’t have spent the night calling the failed romantics hotline
with u in my heart i’ll make it until sunrise
i have no tears to hold now
no steam to blow off now
and i put my citrus perfume on to enchant the fall night
to brighten it up and to forward oxygen to fire towards its apogee at midnight
i’m not crying anymore
world cut me i’ll bleed ichor

if there’s someone watching over me indeed
don’t pull me out of this cycle please
let stars burn in peace
i won’t allow the world to burn me out- i promise this!
u just have to trust me infinitely and without doubt to achieve peace
because i’m never stopping again until i enchant u to me
i’m done losing people- that’s all

i won over the heat
over the coldness within me
cater the spark so it evolves into fire
the way i’ve been taken care of so now i’m who i am
i promise to everyone who listens- i’ll keep my love alive all four seasons!
night or day- winter or summer
i promise to keep u safe until spring when we first met
and i was finally lit on fire
my mind is a sunlit coast now
it’s a cruel summer
i don’t mind being sunburnt
i love the heat u bring me- i’ll take care of it- i swear!
i’ll hide the flame in my arms so it won’t waver by the wind
i’ve failed such thing before but i’m capable now- i promise this!

this fire
it’s growing so hot that it’s turning blue
it’s pushing me violently into bed with u
add wood or it’ll die
extinguish it or i’ll die from the heat from the rush and the devastating wildfire
the havoc of my past life
the highlight of my summer nights
the beginning of my high life
don’t listen to me when i cry
i’m somebody else then
i promise i’ll make things right!

i’m not hot
i’m not cold
something in between- or professionally i’m in love

i’m as hot as cinder
i taste like citrus and salty sea water
i’m a breathtakingly beautiful seashell- as pretty as lonely
and i’m strong but also fragile alas i can never change it
i’m carried places with no consent by strangers
who don’t think the way i do and aren’t the way i am
i’m like this ceramic-like treasure but when they put me in their pocket
in midst of all the things to forget
i break
i fall to pieces as a ceramic vase shatters
i’m fragile and requiring to be held in a delicate way
i wish people could understand that
but people aren’t like u- they can’t decipher me plus u love me and u know me
and u know how to handle something between hot and cold like me

anyways- i’m glad i won’t have spent my life calling the failed romantics hotline
instead i’ll be calling u
love of my life

i can be ur canvas for u to paint me as i’m getting undressed
my baby doll face is smooth and my porcelain body fragile to the brush
but i believe that in the right hands i could be made into a work of art
so hold me in ur arms and hide me from the sun that’s scorching and hot
let’s dive into an azure ocean and forget who we really are
live for true love that we crave deep inside
i am urs baby and u are just mine

u’re my dear muse- always on my mind
we belong in the louvre yet we’re ahead of our time
it’s only u and me that matter in my life
and as long as u’re nearby i’m grateful i’m alive
i live for this feeling and maybe i’m just so in love
like an unreasonable dreaming child
with a prolonged monologue fastened firm to my motley heart
so in love i live ur life instead of mine that’s alluringly benign and divine and
i live us and i love my life
but that’s really nothing bad
u know- choosing compelling fantasy over plain reality is one of the few things
i’m glad i’ve done
when i see u in the sun i feel calm
i imagine the waves composing a song that plays over me thinking:
i am where i belong
and that’s in ur arms
u know darling- when u have enough of this world
why don’t just get lost in something pristine
with someone u truly love?

my longing of highways- of moonlight that’s soft
living free
love is all i’ve got

i draw stars with baking powder on the stove like a painter on a drawing board
scatter cinnamon on ur sweet face
tilt towards ur glossy lips that taste like lush cherries grown in summer haze
but there’s no haste- none of that
i suppose we all know art requires time and passion or else it may fade
only pleasure never tension
i’m open for interpretation
i’m pretty in ur eyes and i stay pretty just for u
i cry at night and i blur paint laid below my watery eyes but u say it’s alright-
i listen to u
so decorate me how u want- pin glittery stars to my lemon blond hair
paint daisies and dandelions in prime on my face cause they’re my favorite flowers
and i love the way they smell
ornament me with great diligence and angelic emotion
pour urself onto me
all ur colors and their shades
we have all the time in the world
we have love as strong as no one has

i promise i will be ur canvas
paint me as i lay my head on ur chest and as it’s dimming down and sun sets
let’s get loose and jive on a watercolor painted lawn
shift astray and thrive like grapevines climbing monet beach house walls

hello guardian angel
i’m calling u from beyond the ordinary world
i’d like to take back all my complaints i gave u
i found home
i found it in a person like u said i would
i found warmth
in the brown summery eyes of true love
i found calm
it’s flooding my coastline like crazy but it’s better than nothing
i found love
i saw three threes in deep sleep and now i’m asking if u had something to tell me
can i finally start to put trust in me?
i keep seeing mirror hours
i pay allegiance to my amor
i can’t not think of it
it’s like ecstasy
333

i’m young and crazy even if i don’t appear to be
quiet on the outside but storming on the inside
in my past life i dreamed of becoming a star
a famous writer also- but then i made up my mind
i wanted to be happy over my singleness- i failed that though
i opened my eyes
i have one last wish
i’ll say it out loud:

let me keep what i have
it’s something i can’t live without

hear me out angel and make that wish come true
i know i ask for much and i’m sorry, i’ll try not to bother u
i’m losing things- never gaining and i pray it may change
i just need u more than ever now
so hear me out
things improved- i want to ensure they stay this way
i’m levitating high- don’t force me to go back to blue
not to the sea level
not farther from u

never back to black
never ever look downcast
never lose sight of my north star again
by what i’ve observed in me, i’m ready to circumnavigate the earth
restart
never back to back

never higher
never lower
please

farewell guardian angel
my mind is now made up
the place i’m in makes me feel like home and it feels like where i belong
i’ve never felt this way before
i found a new meaning for home
and i don’t wanna be anywhere else but here

in the end- i feel enormous gratitude for u for taking good care of me
and the things that u taught and showed me
i found my destination
like an island rising up from the sea
glistening in front of me
phantom of preferred reality
which is the key to the gate to artificial heaven
and it makes me wonder why has everything happened to me

wish my life was simple as 123
i wouldn’t have to call 911 on me
dear 333

i belong to the beach
when i leave the house it’s my first occurring thought to go there
it might be the air that’s alluring me
or the waves which i love to watch crash
but thinking on a more spiritual level- it’s the deep sea that speaks to my soul
the big blue
the equivalence of my endless contemplation about life and what it consists of
for me- it’s all about love

this is the part when questions rise

who am i?
nobody’s first gossip call pick
dreamer without a real life
unsure if the soil i’m standing on won’t collapse under the weight of my thoughts
they’re dense and chaotic at times but the sea is chaotic too and it’s beautiful
after all i’m a beautiful person forever lost like a message in a drifting bottle
like a sweet love song that no one ever got to sing or hear
like a seashell of warm colors whose wanderlust is infinite
alas its horizon finite

who am i?
a metaphorical sailor steering his yacht for lifetime
who thought he’s seen it all
i thought i had all it takes to make it
but it takes confidence, determination and good instinct to survive in this world
but all i have is love
i’m human- i have a heart in my chest
i have feelings to cater and needs to meet
i used to desire millions and sports cars on a posh brick parking lot
a modern house hanging from a cliff with a nice view of the churning sea
and a wide balcony so i could spread my arms and catch the wind
feel like a sailor as free and wild as i thought i could be
now i just wanna belong to someone
i wanna be held like no one ever
i want my salty tears to be caught before they drop on my bed or sweater
i’d rather be forgotten than remembered for my broken dreams
if i had to live alone again i’d just rather disappear

vanish
in the waves
in the overwhelming heat of august
i dive in deep but return to the coast in the end
like a fragile seashell that i am

i get halfway undressed
i leave my favorite shoes pointed south
leave my loose flannel shirt on cause i’m not confident enough to go without
i forget the deafening burden and i forget the cursed clout
in the sea foam i look for me
i walk slowly towards the sea
till half of my body is in water and the other half in reverie
and then u come in
and everything goes the way i wanted it
i love u
i love ur wet hair
and how ur eyes reflect the sun
and i love the way u smile
and i need u here
i need ur guidance and kindness
otherwise i can’t be the real me

questions sink in quicksand
i’m as free as i can imagine

i belong to the music
to my all time favorite songs which i play and which i sing to feel free
to knock the weight off my shoulders
and i can’t even sing that well but i do it for me
i’m nobody known but i feel like a demigod on a lit stage
everyone is cheering for me
it’s all so perfect that’s it’s no wonder why i love to dream
and why i loathe reality
why am i stuck in this stupid country where i have to pretend i’m someone else?
i wanna break out
i wanna love u out loud
without having to check if someone’s looking over my shoulder
or spying on me
i wanna have real dreams not those that won’t come true
i want delusions to escape into the circulating air
my dreams stack till they reach the ceiling and there’s no room anywhere

so let me dream
let me live **** fantasy
if that’s all a tainted dreamer ever gets
i wanna be free and loved and respected and not declined on every step
i just wanna matter
i yearn for these things

what is the biggest dream of them all?
flying free?
it’s just about being loved

who is the king of my heart?
i’d say i am but i need to be lead through each and every dark tunnel
that i unawarely enter half awake
my boat is wooden and amateur and i’m still scared of drowning
in the vast sea of my troubled mind which is non-stop churning
crazily and frantically
and not leaving me alone
i am the one steering but i need a navigator
i need a lighthouse for a destination
i need a better sense of eight directions
i need to catch the wind in my sails if i want to swim away
i have a bad reputation
at least i can say i’m not afraid to drop everything and vanish
in the waves
in the warmth of summer
how can i be forgotten when everybody knows my name?

but after all
i belong to u
i’d give everything i have and i don’t have much to be with u
i want u to know
i did an unexpected one hundred eighty turn some time ago
i dyed my hair black in protest against what kept me submissive to my men
i hijacked a fancy boat and i took the wheel i’ve always dreamed to steer
and there i am
it’s a ****** that u can’t be here
i sent u a letter
did u open it?

did u feel my desperation on ur face like a gust of wind?
do u know u are the boat keeping me from drowning in this sea?
the present memory
the mirrored image of me in my true nature

captain
i’m condemned to sail for eternity
i’m afraid of what’s lurking in these waters and it’s killing me
protect me
people tell me i’ve come far but never ask if i ever wanted it
and they think i’m strong
but i’m nothing more than a waning flame in the open wind when i’m alone
i need my king
i’m thirsty for safety
i desire peace
two kings make a perfect kingdom so come to me and join me
and show me the way
teach me when to stay silent and when i can’t what to say
when to move and when to stop and where to go and what to avoid
i’m a realist
and i won’t make it on my own
i won’t cross this sea by myself
it’s giant but not as big as my love and that’s the last bit of hope i have

i belong to the beach
to the music
to someone i love
i have a purpose now and it’s the most valuable thing i’ve got

i have love
i have it
i love u
king of my heart

i bought two one-way tickets to wonderland
are u going with me?
are u willing to sacrifice the typical way of being
drop the trifling weight u’re carrying or the shadow u’ve been dragging
through the streets or across the beach
are u the summer of my winter or a safehouse for one storm
i see us in the stars
i read them with my eyes closed
i feel them with my hands on ur shoulders with the lights off

semidiós
te amo cariño
the thing is- us demigods- we rule the game as we play
seventeen years behind with a vision so insane and so surreal
never loved- never been loved anyways- i never knew if i feel
but all the ways i’ve tried to change never worked out well for me
i didn’t expect to find love at all as if i was born to be alone forever
i’ve lived a crazy half life yet i’ve never felt free
i plundered heaven
no stone was left unturned there
no star of the night sky was left unmoved
but since now until the end of time i will proudly call u mine
from sunrise till dark
from good morning to good night
sheltered in ur arms
my only valid safehouse
until nothing or no one could reach us anymore

i found the gates to wonderland
one made for u and me
i forgot who i am and who i used to be as i swam in the lukewarm sea
tattooed heart beating in my chest and ur face on my mind like a memory
it’s what always succeeded to sustain me
it’s always been the sufficient remedy
since the day i woke up free on a prepossessing beach and saw u next to me
i thought it was a dream
u said u’re just like me
we rose to shine
we were born divine
lovers’ tracks affix and spark brighter than blazing stars
i looked u in the eyes
poured u a glass of fine champagne and threw two cubes of ice

a wise boy like me
never wanted to be a
relevant poet

to my great surprise
the world seems so beautiful
when it’s crashing down

recently i learned
strawberries and cherries taste
so sweet together

i had always thought
that to climb up any wall
i needed support

May this summer embody the greatest things in life
be a piano ballad melody familiar and sound divine
Glimmering reservoir
and sunflower petals gold
reflecting rays of vivid light appearing from above.

The main gist of my widely spread efforts was to glorify my big wish
Beyond wishfulness
originating in my quiet emblem of earth-like misty shades
Wings to fly
Voice to speak
complexity laid firm just to bespeak.
May this vogue of living melodically in this celestial madness stay
divine metaphor
and one melody I replay.
In the similar place underneath lush green leaves hung
like a model of our universe.
I’m the archer of stars
on my cluttered veranda I lay
Nimbus fluffy cover above my hips it feels like July young never late
you and I
two stranded satellites meet after the thriving odyssey in arts
Your grandeur and solid dignity
uttered perfection
In personal style of anterior architecture
Remember one short sentence:

Stay where you are
may your heavens emerge

My world is minimalistic
but my mind is significantly infinite

Verdant land with one blue river curved in two spots
dual array
to unravel my worst convolution

To ease the long lasting existential blurriness in which I’ve lived
and for many important reasons.

but returning to the starting point I’ve found art in doing nothing
Only ordinary things
like loving and being loved.
Striding across pages of my future autobiographical books
about nothingness.
Because it’s the softest and most adequate form of art to have been made

half past eight

summer evening

Perfect backyard wooden table in some place away from here
abstruse nostalgia written in grapheme
and circular shape of my ripened mind..

Could these reflections symbolize the freedom I’ve been chasing
and in the end found in

Long trips to balmy beaches in the front seat of my car

all these things disarrayed on paper plains
one meandering river
vast misplaced ocean
Holy Mind

never been called a charismatic storyteller under a disco ball
When the wind was rapid
or when the seas were calm
it was nothing extraordinary peaceful weather ivies growing down
white carpet laid in the midpoint of my floor.
My poetry grew sky high starting new close to the ground
Therefore my Wiжa was an ideal outro to the sleepless nights
and knowing everyone has changed.

If this is art
then I live for it.

After all i limn the same thing

Something between
present
and absent

Something surreal accessing the greatest kingdom
assessing the ways
to battle obstructions.

and most importantly to locate those Arcadian rampant lands
where every word spoken turns gold

LB

or the visible border between the dream and dreamful reality

Alluding to my nearest past I’d like to make all my words clear
in grapheme
summertime
Dual mind

Many upper decisions to abide by afterwards when the sun elevates
Perfect thoughts picnic table in the wild
Soft
like
a lullaby
..

Sunset Strip sun at zenith
moon at nadir; void was elsewhere
Lit sublimely was anywhere you laid your experimental sight
and visions shaped well.
Four seasons perfectly placed and played well by me
Two contrasting convictions of unmelted iron
One star you bow to

her appearance coruscating in the way stars do
may or may not
her power influence you ⭐️

Capturing the wave of unmet sweetness impassibly
I embraced my surrounding chaos of two thousand colors
and locked in my eyesight
Migrated to heavens
my most superior notion pocketed
library left in order.
So when I return home I would make me a cup of coffee
and rewrite my previous paragraph
in a finer style.

Peak at nadir
Depth at zenith

Rotation of partly delusory values each direct and contradicting
everything about them is odd
and apart being.

easily misunderstood
Not so often read correctly or found good

Peak at zenith
Depth at nadir
Deepness culminating brightly
meeting context treading on the clouded land of new age forging
Where the ripples crash carefully and the sky is clear as diamond
one lover you bow to
one melody you hum
On the phone with makeup on in summer young vivid and hot

Eyes of gold

thoughts mismanaged
blue stream across your page is dried out
flora molten air dense in the previous chapter
Resistance
and vulnerability
Your two natural satellites you keep for a reason until season in which
You come alive

You come to one after shattering
go out on evenings to your favorite alley unorganized to this time
did time for money
you had your oasis happy time
you were unbelievably happy
May my lust for living never waver upon the tropical flow
may it maintain obsidian stability
with its roots planted deep
seeking water afterwards ambrosia I wish I could pour all over me
Now I have a reason to be

Not for you
Not for them
But for me

but before I say ich liebe dich
May my vigor never wither under promised sycamore trees
in the dream you created we directed
against everyone’s will
Moon is rising
I’m in heaven
I’m in your arms
Light as feather

Live for living
Lust for being
just to write down your intentions
later burn them if you wish to

Moon was rising
dressed in vigor
and then
the moon had rose.

New Everything is laid forward
the Sun or her gleam
My world or my Moon

My well known truth is layered in my subtext
like my poems
that I wrote to maintain a universal state
or unconsidered decisions
However I emptied the ashtray and planted a wildflower instead
wearing the warm coat of summer.

Chambré aura
everything is disowned nowadays

My heart belongs to my belief
that despite my tarnished fame my greatest subtext may be pictured in frame
but who needs spotlight
No one fears facing the pre-written truth.
My heart will beat
in American
cause my dualist or perhaps even collage of art in purity is navigating
To somewhere calm
somewhere where I would finally feel like home.

To be real maybe even
get lost in the unsubstantial madness
on my Venice *****
in where I am now
In the sweet modified by planets dark
hovering between paradise and the ark
Soothing to this point
that I can call myself
an American.

you party during summer
you cry during winter
I’m the thinker not getting over your hot flawless mind
in vast lush living dream
faustian to the fullest but
Forgiven

Over the past year
stood strong and undercover
Untouched attending thriving sessions in the blue sun
Crimson & Clover
Hot forever forever burning
aflame cause of my lover
Quintessential you all desire from me
Out now.
circulating in and out for ages
Existentially sober

Sunlit like Yosemite
hot like exact noon
head up at zenith observing plainly
clear gallon up high no cotton candy tonight just blue
All the time is light
futuristic thoughts ruled our minds
carried from you
To my restored ballroom
Lit by the sun

Everything worked out for me
You are mine
I am yours

magnificence touched my skin got taken to the eternally sunny Malibu
or dreamlike wonderland in which I
flew to you
I wrote my future I aim to maintain stable now it began to breathe
Your boo
I am a thing in motion
On the way to somewhere else where no roads reach
and aim to
undiscovered planetarium which is a show of blue runaway
how it is supposed to be played
projected in technicolor
Straight
To yellowness.

Ichor
Cypress
On the backyard table wine is for you
doing nothing in particular since it stays indoors away from view
irregular story
peace is dripping off of you
your eyes are like lakes
I love what
i got into

Try to be stronger
Overtake your blues

Everything sky clear now
Sunny days
Doing living partying crying
Always next to you.

Do things
u wanna do
Meant not for judgement and hidden from view
Displayed on islands
like Malibu
after all you stay loyal to your paramount value
not fearing the blue
or the revenant

Aiming for the skies’ ceiling
and hoping they’d fall down

Uprose from the deep like Rose and her sins
moved downhill
In the language of mine I think I’m closer to thee
when it dims down slowly
I become my own oeuvre craved by timeless hands native
A prerogative
which empowered me to seek sense deep down into the way
I live

Nurturing vigorously my petrified heart on the wild
thaw on the outskirts of true love
One in a billion shielded with a dome of lovers
Moon kind
Moon lover
I missed the big chance to adjust another
I do all I love
and hide in the dark
To truly thrive
I’m the only moon’s child.

Yesterday I attended a party
stepped in agleam with one thought dominant
careless in this thought for an unconditional reason
movie projector and the dance floor lit dimly by moonlight.
My eyes locked on you
my body in rhythmical motion
ambiguous emotion
flowing like liquor like a waterfall or few raindrops
me in my altering mindset of enigma
My heart lost in the old love song.
But then I saw you on the parquet underneath the disco ball
it was about midnight
and all the lights focused on us.
Gazing back into my not so vibrant past in which I swam freely
I thought I’d wonder:
How could I have danced with someone else
when I just wanted to dance with you.

You are flaring
wild cherry wild mustang wild thoughts

My mindfulness and sun of winter
Home in space
opposite of lost
breathing poem I’ve discovered and rewrote in simpler language
World of fiction
only dream to chase

creator without a reason
with one confounding vision
capturing the moon the stars and evenings outside limbo
Rocks between these
Life is sweet and thriving in sunlight
and in reach.

But who I search for is a varying answer
I seek peace
decisions after

I narrate my voice gets quieter

I hush up my mind grows vaster

Carry this life with no questioning no asking
in moon valleys
planned metropolis
Whereas my destinesia wilts in springs where stars have shattered
into billions of pieces which dashed to the cosmos again
discovering newer clusters spellbind.

But I am here with you merely
you are my favorite reason
situated

In the core of my poetry
in the gold point
eccentricity
Touch of your electricity
Mind of yours a lukewarm ocean
You yourself:

I M A G I N A T I O N

we
Aries moon children
moonbathe partly civilian
seeking home off urbanized empires
in handmade utopian isles
sunlit all night ironically to others
digging quarries by borders
to find our reasons
why we are ourselves.

because we
Children of winter
We resist coldness wilting happily
not enough time in a year to grow on gardening soil unluckily
Purposefully living
Purposeless at doom
meaningless tale told by her Moon
we dance in flames
of cool.

White yacht parties techno music Bacardi
pillow cries?

Never in my life Never in our lives
Never moonlit all the time never sad exceptionally burnt out white hot we stay
Crumbled empire
Crumpled pages on fire
beautiful at last wild freely flying
to admirers

Being a poet residing on past dry and needy now I’m alive
Now the night is bright
they and their friends would be a group of nimbi high
Looking for their maker
always busy always out of earshot living multiple lives cause they
befriended town bartenders

Valentine
faking opulence still ahead of our time
elusive for our children’s lifetime by far
Vault which is a quarry
Open sky
still we’ve never learned to fly
we just stay collected and firm
Forever seeking gold of the prism
In the glistening eyes of people
We are who we are in the end
deeply designed precisely made
Aries
Marina bay
Taking inspiration from sweetish breeze air
crying happily on parchment all day
We could fly high as sky
but we’ll just stay right there.

Cards tossed well
bewitched to nowness
synonymously in the northern west to Roswell I reside
Laurel Canyon cast life is veined in music you get high to
no doubt along the way
or decay
autumn has passed and swiped all forms of grief away.
I wanted an ornament so I bought me eight
for me to debate
about my vogue or the way I walk
and hope
and love
To find an odd one out in process unchained
only because my next stop on the lunar highway is to
burgeon in peace in subtle light
Discard liabilities
fronting mirrored me
proudly wearing fine filigree.

All the districts of the valley point one way when reunited
interfering wholly in our mankind
self esteem was fulfilled
One daily poem mastered. Another one was started
then I’ve checked my horoscope
and vehemently made a turn
just to crash into a field of lavenders soft like chartreuse
Reimagining my long term goals
since I’ve fallen down from heaven before
made a point set prior to recolor
Me.
And now amity gained its spirit
when each subject foregathered
into one big major plan to chase you down and keep like Summer
in my eyes joyful and oversaturated no filter anything.
Key in ignition full speed I’m intellectually lit
hot to the touch agleam alternatively
I assess this alignment
so I tend to be me

Live in color
Leave one hue
be repetitive if you want to

See your contrast
Sea of hues
feel your own divergence too

Be the greatest to love the first to holler and leave
quit everything
and take a road to California reasonless

stay behind familiar walls of all feelable feelings
bad subtexts
Watch over your perfumed shoulder

Love your loved
for a week or two
or eight months

Be a gypsy for Maxwell Steele and my forced fantasy
of ending fortnight
To my ascending syzygial guru
and modern arts.

For better
four of my addressees
on the telephone wavelength alas

Scene not for me
Seen fantastical things
Now let me stay home for a day

I don’t wanna dance anymore

stage one
your hand fits perfectly in mine
hotter than july long lasting in my mind
thriving vitally with time
ivy
Marine alleyway
from the wooden bridge all the way till the bay
your eyes deep don’t keep
nothing key to say
joyful and young
In love with what I am
standing atop the immense ashes
of the maritime botanical terraces
the same place
where you held your wife’s hand in the lookout for an event
I was in present
and in present I’ll stay.

Drifting in this unprecedented feeling
of dreamlike quality
My ocean in a bottle sweetness and fantasy fused into completeness
My philosophical creation vital and at peak

you warm me up like firelight

You have unaffected power potted flower of chaos bewildering
Greatness taken to the higher level
as if all that ever fascinated me has never taken place.
No one has ever spoken.
in such calm tone as you in my wilting hours in victorian beginnings
Tracking down the summer
through translucent covers to my deepest self enlightened

No sea will be flown in valediction
exceptionally beatific charming waves caused to move by change
Northern West
you flawlessly being flawless
chained spiritually arbitrarily and accepted
Capital of summertime bliss
firelight

Deflagrating mightly
madly from kilometers away apathy influenced by poetic manners
Taken to hyper speed and mindset of purity repeating in warm waves
No ocean world generated in polar areas
not even coldness of the night
Nothing fancy never took place

You warm me up
you’re my firelight