Broken conversations,
empty lungs,
doors half open,
hearts almost out of love.

We used to talk of how
we used to be infinite.
But now every second now feels
like a stroke against an unforgiving current.

Our conversations broke
as the flaws of our souls
fell through the cracks of this glass foundation.

These upset words that escaped you
left the air around me a little sad,
a little awake,
and with a lot of echoes.

My lungs went empty
talking you down.

I left the door open for you.
So you can walk in
and slip in quietly-
I won't say a word.

And this heart could never go empty,
not mine.
Yours,
at this point,
I know not.

Flowers never lost their color
as long as you walked this earth.

Your words hung like
White Christmas lights
All along the walls of my bedroom
They got tangled in the sun
And faded away
On summer days
But they kept me up
Every night
In the winter

You wanted to hold the world in your hands
But the edges were sharp
And by the time we graduated high school
You were sick of bleeding

You wanted to hold my waist in your hands
But your hands were opened wounds
And I slipped right through them

You hung yourself
Like the white Christmas lights
That wrapped around your mother's
Front porch in December

You wanted to hold the world in your hands
But your hands were opened wounds
And it slipped right through them

i don't i don't i don't

but i am curious
and i want to know

what does it feel like to fall in love with another soul
to know their deepest secrets but still love them
and see the worst parts about them
but that only magnifies the good

what does it feel like when it's 3 am and you can't sleep
and not because you're lonely
but because you're not anymore

what does it feel like to become so vulnerable
that you would let another soul cut open your chest
and let them see everything you've kept hidden

what does it feel like to trust someone so much
you'd let them hold your heart in their hands?

i don't know

but what i do know is everything fades to gray
and people can ruin things and make mistakes

so what does it feel like when it all breaks
when the person you love stabs your heart
and they swear they didn't mean to do it

when they look at you and you look at them
but all you see is boredom seeping through their eyes
and they don't want to kiss you anymore
and the hand they hold yours with feels limp and lifeless

what does it feel like when trust finally turns into a knife
and the person you thought would never hurt you the most
would stab you over and over with all of their lies

what does it feel like when the person you love
begins to grow increasingly distant from you
and you can't do anything but watch
and just hope that maybe you'll get over it soon?

what does it feel like?

i don't want to fall in love

i don't i don't i don't

its time to open the windows
and get some air into your lungs
to inhale and exhale deeply without thinking and thinking and thinking
they say that the eyes are the windows to your soul.
so its time you open the windows
and finally start seeing
without grey smog fogging over your eyes.

open the windows to your soul.

open the door and breathe
locking yourself in your room will give you
cobwebs and dust in the hidden corners of your heart,
the parts which you no longer seem to remember.
your ears no longer listen
your eyes no longer see
and i wonder if your heart still beat
as i see the unmoving lump under the sheets.

open the door to your heart.

its time to relax your tight vise on the dying lungs
if you hold on so tightly to your lungs,
just like how you held your loved ones so close to you
and wouldn't let them leave until you had to open your eyes to the truth
slowly, you cannot breathe
slowly, your heart cannot beat.

open the fist that is not letting go easily.

Transient waves form a helpless beauty,
words are refracted and lost in the dust,
your pain is the last thing in there memory,
your heart cannot take the judgement they throw
no constellations
I am battered and cold

Holding back who I really am,
is not something that is going to come easily,
I want to be different,
but at the same time I want to be the same,
I want to love who I please
and hate who I wish to ignore,
but so it is written these things
are not songs to be sung anymore.

I scream inside my steel chamber,
and rattle the bars that have me enclosed,
tears roll down my face as I realise
my feeling must come to a stop
I cannot do this on my own
I need your help
I cry out to the sky

I feel lonely and helpless,
my tears have gone dry,
I fall down to my knees
I cannot ask for what I need
because I do not yet know what exactly it is...
I cry out to the sky again and again

all to no avail;

my blood cascades in rivers
and my heart is placid and cold,
I need not myself anymore or the demons who have overthrown me
I need a faith more relevant than the truth
I need eyes that will see what is left unseen
I need a heart that is open to be healed and made clean

I want to be your child,
your only love forever and a day more
but God, my life is a painful misery of broken sadness
how can I be good enough for you?
How can I be anywhere near what you expect
as I curse myself and scar my lungs
My breaths become thick and bloodshod
I go lame in the frost

Father, forgive me.

The essence of another dances throughout your mind
glimpes through a one way mirror
memories from another time
a sweet reminisce
a bitter truth
A life once lived
hearts intertwined in time
Love captured in a moment
escapes its confides
to play about with what could have been
gliding through your mind.