i didn’t see it coming
they broke down a barrier
years in the making
as it stands now
nothing would keep me
from pressing the blade
deep into my skin
for once i’d succeed
if ever i freed myself
from this bed

to the author, in the light of day:

this is real.
the pain, the strain,
the loss - sans gain;
so many words
I here congeal,
I swear to you
that this is real

Rewind replay review and freeze:
The only thing common was the disappearance of me
Gone from the moment
Nothing but space
Held breath
Frozen
gulping for time

My mind is everywhere and nowhere
So close to nothingness
It would have
Could have
Ended right there

Tug of war with sleep and sight
I revert to childhood
Refusing submission to heavy lids
My eyes crave colors and light

Aching of loneliness
Hollow as isolation,
Guilty of weakness
Bubbled in distress

I do not want to be calmed.

I want the storm to continue surging in my head,
spilling surf from my eyes while tremors shake my shoulders.

I crave a continuation of this pure energy, more than I’ve experienced in months.

Let me pulse with the fury and despair simultaneously,
allow this tempestuous tantrum to expand infinitely into the night and beyond,
where rosy fingers announce the dreaded dawn.

But all too soon the quaking subsides and the sobs give way to gaping silence,
leaving behind an emptied crater too deep to fill with equally empty consolations.

So the chasm compounds.

The body submits at last to exhaustion,
and the mind is temporarily muted.