I left you.
I don’t deny it.
I also don’t deny the spark that turned into an explosion that was our love.
But like all explosions, they leave damage.
I left you because I was selfish.
Because I was so close.
A wise woman once told me, “to love is to give a part of yourself.”
And frankly, I had a habit of giving everything.
I began to visualize the future I know we’d never have. A future that’d haunt me.
I began to fall deeper and deeper in love with you and I didn’t want to.
I didn’t want to fall for you so early.
But I did.
I wanted so bad to give you my love, but I also wanted to protect myself from heartbreak.. How selfish.
I left you.
I love you.
I don’t deny it.

but who was i without you?

it wasn't realistic. hell, it wasn't real. you weren't real. who i thought you were was just pretend but ******* it, i hate that you don't even care i'm in pain.

i loved you. you were my comfort when i was lonely and the thought of being held by you made me feel safe.

it's not fair!

why her?

mama says i am unable to do anything right, after she says i can do whatever i put my mind to.

mama says i should do something useful for once, before saying i tried my best

mama says my best is not enough, and that i'm not trying hard enough

mama says she has not hit me and laughs when i flinch, before slapping my face and reddening my skin

mama says it isn't a threat, when she says she'll hurt me if i cry too much and not leave bed

mama says i love you more than anything else, before she tells me she hates what i do to her health

It’s march 24, 2016 and i’m still so in love with you. Today, you told me that you were happy i broke up with you. That was when the house that was the thought of your arms around me crumbled and no longer felt like a home. It was a lie it was a lie it was a lie, those words repeat in my head and my eyes still leak when i think of what we could’ve been. What we could’ve done. Who we could’ve been if i didn’t assume. Whatever we were, are, and will be.. I hope one day i can look at you and not feel like i need to take you into my arms and hold you tightly, so i don’t have to feel aching. So i can finally numb to you like i do with any other stranger. Because that’s what we are now. Soulmates who turned into strangers.

anonette, anonette
she hasn't lived nor has died yet

anonette, anonette
the words that she writes makes people's eyes wet

anonette, anonette
the young and bold remember but they never forget

anonette anonette
hung herself with the strings of the marionette

mother let me sleep in the arms of a traitor
he keeps a knife on my back and his neck on my shoulder

mother said that he was a friend not a stranger
his lips on my skin and a breath full of danger

mother told me he was a friend, and protector
he had chained me to the bed, and then to the altar

mother said i love you as he took me away
not to wake up, until the baby came

mother said sorry when i couldn't deliver
despite all the money that he had given her

mother let me sleep in the arms of a traitor
she may be my mother, but only on paper