sixteen,
i dreamed
of utopia.

if only the dark would
embrace me and
turn my thoughts
into
silvery stardusts

if only my
body went
numb.

i want to
see stars in
daylight, so i rub
my eyes.

i heard mom
said amelia was dead.
she drowned
in her own
smoke. i did
not cry, i wondered
if she had anything
to tell me when
she disappeared from
this world.

but i must know before
she had told me, must
i not?

i am
h e r,
after all.

i can not find the scarf
you gave me, now you
are gone.
the warm color
of blood
burn in my dawn.

my hair flew
in the cold colorless wind,
black under
a gray
sky.

deep in the
water, i
hear your scream.

touch your face,
and
feel your skin,

your black eyes devour me,
making me
d
r
o
p
you
once more.

i wake
with
a smile.

say now, say you have a little faith in me.

say now, say you will put your heart in my hands.

smile at me and touch my cheeks, please do

because i live for you and no one else,

we have promised to the sky, haven't we, my dearest?

this bruise on your collarbone,

my bruise in my heart,

i will heal both.

please, look into my eyes.

and tell me you are really here.

you know how your mom
looks like when she was
quiet, don't you?

mom is quiet today
and i feel relieved
for my shadow will
only be me now.
there used to be two
mes, but dad doesn't
need to know, right?

she is quiet and
everything is good.