This isnt it,
these are just the ones you can see.
Believe it or not.
You can still love me

Im a broken girl
With a broken heart.
So many broken dreams
But that's just the start.

I know it's hard
And I want to give up.
But there's an  O K in B R O K E N
and that's always enough
(k.l)

It's funny how you pretend
that you never called me
when I failed to pick up the phone.
It's funny how you deny
the fact that, in a moment,
you needed to hear my voice.
It's funny how you forget
that my phone has caller ID,
but I could not see it then.
It's funny that I left said phone
sitting on the front seat of my car,
even as I wished that you would call.
It's funny that I fell asleep,
around the time you called,
and dreamed of you kissing me.
Or, perhaps it's not funny at all.
Perhaps, it is sad that, in the end,
we both ended the evening alone.

This isn’t something you just live with. You don’t wake up every morning and think, ‘I won’t eat for the day, and that’s okay.’ And when you plunge your fingers down your throat after every meal the scars that form on your knuckles remind you that you can’t even think for yourself anymore.

It is total loss of control.

Your heart is in the wrong place, the inside of your head a minefield.

but at least you’re empty, the voice says.


But the truth is, you’re just afraid. You’re so ******* afraid of what will become of you if you let that meal sit in your stomach.

Get rid of the weight so you won’t sink, you’ve got to be a featherweight to float on these tides.

The other girls don’t matter, the magazines and billboards, the unkind words written on the bathroom stall; fat. pig. ugly. ****. They don’t matter either, what’s in your head has nothing to do with the outside world, it’s all a matter of what you want, what you can’t see in yourself.

But let me tell you this;
if happiness was a number on the scale,
if joy came in a diet pill, if collarbones and rib cages
could fix the constant ache inside your chest,
if you could purge away your sins, if you could
just lose five more pounds and be happy,
you wouldn’t be here in the first place.

Things would be so simple again.
But things are not.

And I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so ******* sorry that you hurt. I’m sorry that you’re insides twist and your head shouts those angry words at you when you’re sad.

Always sad.

But you are beautiful, my dear,
and I can’t help you **** yourself,
I don’t want you to feel this torment that I know all too well.

The last thing I want
in the whole entire world,
is to see you, be like me.

- S.G.

I pick at my skin,
pull at my fat, measure my
thighs, arms, shoulders, hips
and say things like,

"I wish I could just be normal."

but you don’t realize what that means,
you don’t realize that fat is not just a physical
feeling, fat is everything I hate about the world,
everything I hate about waking up, everything
that I am deathly afraid of,

fat is everything I wish I could say to you
to make you understand all the insignificant
things throughout the day that make me go crazy

"I wish I could make this all go away."

I wish I could make myself go away

I wish the
400 calories,
500 calories,
600 calories less

could make me disappear

I wish being empty
was as fulfilling as my
head tells me it is.

- S.G.

she says she loves that
I listen with my eyes because
no one else ever listens at all,

she says she loves that I call
her bluffs, that I tell her she’s
******* up when everybody
just looks elsewhere,

she says she wants to
keep in touch, she wishes
she was better, she wasn’t
crazy, she wants to know
me still,

she says she hasn’t said,
"I love you" to anyone in over
a year, not even her own mother

I know this is true because
she hasn’t cried since then
either, and that’s the only
good reason to cry:

when you’re in love,
when you’re out of love,
when you love your life
so much that you want to die,

and even though
she never says she loves me,

it’s there when she talks to me,
it’s there when she talks about me

it’s the underlying message
when she calls me, drunk, at 3am

because my hands are the only
ones that have ever fit hers.

- S.G.

shades of night cover us,
whispering exactly what
we’re too shy to say,

but it doesn’t matter that
we have to have the shadows
speak for us, I’d give my life
to hear your silence any day,

with you it’s like days never
end, with you I’m immortal,

snorting lines of stardust off
your gentle fingertips,

kissing you feels like
a whole other universe.

- S.G.

soon I shall be horizontal
as my bed beckons me