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 Jun 2015 Annie Borisuk
y i k e s
why would you miss me?


                                                           ­       i wasnt relevant when i  was present
Here’s an ode to the place that I sleep every night --
My apartment, so small, it can barely fit light.
My bathroom is my kitchen, which is also my bedroom,
And I walk on my knees because there’s a shortage of headroom.

I don’t bring girls home because there’s no room for lovin’,
If we fall off my bed, we’ll end up in the oven.
There’s a cold draft all the time, at least that’s how it feels;
I sleep with my feet out a window, and birds crap on my heels!

I have One Single Light Bulb that dangles over the bed,
And works 10 percent of the time, but it’s usually just dead.
When I cook food I have to make sure that windows are open wide,
Cuz if not, the smoke gets so thick you can’t see inside!

And my smoke alarm is broken, which is actually a good thing,
Cuz if it weren’t, all day long I’d hear that piercing RIIINNGGG!!
My apartment is a disaster! I want back my money!
It’s really depressing even though it sounds funny…

I wanna find the landlord, that cheapskate disgrace,
And in lieu of next month’s rent, give him a slap him across the face.
Her ribs crackled, in the skeleton night.
And I remember my mouth on hers,
where atomic fish hooks attached our lips.
Where there was nothing like kissing
like our God wasn't dead.

She was accused of killing a taxi driver
in the Brazilian underbelly.
Smoking a cigarette, she dropped it on the ground,
spat on it, and crushed it with her bare foot,
saying she fell in love with the way
his sleep-drenched body lay.

And I told her to stay home.
And I told her that they'd find her.
But she didn't stay home.
And they did find her.

Chasing her through the Babylon brush,
insults were thrown and so were balloons of gasoline.
Each pink, yellow, and green vessel floated in the air, as an internal opera heightened.
And sour splashes spread across her body,
as she fled from the vigilante mob.

The children danced along the panoramic horizon she ran beside,
laughing, pointing, singing.
The slumbering sorrow of the situation became evident,
and she started to feel the calm of fleeting life.

Her dreams aborted and her ideals became fallacies,
and with the sound of fuzzy motors in the background, her heart leapt and her feet slipped.

Rope ate into her, wrapping her like the orphaned recklessness of each set of eyes that painted her.
She squirmed amongst the cheers.
She cried with every thrown beer and balloon.
The empty-eyed males gang ***** her.
The women covered the children's eyes,
and the children tried to move their mothers' hands.

And I pushed my way through the crowd.
And I saw her smothered in blood, beer, and gasoline.
I wanted to halt the hurricane that destroyed morality.
But I am a coward.
Frozen by my fear, I, too, am a murderer.
And a murderer I'll always be,
for the burning of all that was good.

Sudden flames soared towards the sky.
Laughter escaped as molotov cocktails exploded onto her body.
Her head turned towards the crowd,
as flames scampered across her face.
I saw in her, what I never saw before,
which was the human race.
She kissed me
not because
she wanted to
but because
she could.

We fell in
love.
Not because
we could
but because
we wanted to.

We made
mistakes.
Not because
we wanted to
but because
we could.

We thought
we were
perfect.
Not because
we could
but because
we wanted to.

I vomited in
the bathroom
of a
Baltimore
7-11
because
sometimes
you cannot
hold it in
much
longer.

Her hands shook
as she held her
mirror
because
sometimes
your reflection
can only
tell you
so much.

My body shook.
Her body stiff.
And when
the bodies
move
the hearts
stop.

She lied some.
I drank words.
The veins
in hands
are maps
to imagined
consciousness.

Really,
it's just
a
*******
*****.

Music to
my ears.
Nervousness
between
blinks.
Noise to
my brain.

She said,
"I love you"
not because
she wanted to
but because
she could.

I said,
"I love you, too,"
not because
I could
but because
I wanted to.
i used to wish i could plant
you in my backyard- grow
a whole field of you to have
for myself. now i'd like to
plant myself there to see
what i'll grow into instead.
it's a very odd/uncomfortable/weirdly
satisfying feeling to know that a whole
section of my life- my whole story with
you- is over.
fifty-two sundays later and i
do not consider myself to be
someone who is healing but
someone who is recovered. it
still stings at the very bottom
of my lungs sometimes but i
no longer hate the areas of
my skin that you've touched.
i do not feel the fire of your
promises in my arms and i
can just barely recall your
laugh. did you ever think i
could have made it this far?
Goodbye, Ryan.
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