I would wade in the deep end,
And stop swimming.
But something made me float.

I would imagine turning the wheel,
Crashing into the ditch.
But something left me on the road.

I’ve been broken.
I cracked,
But no one could tell.

My spirit shattered.
I lived my life,
Wanting to die.

But the heartbreak,
I would leave behind,
Kept me alive.

When I text you it takes longer to reply because I get nervous
a good nervous
and my thumbs like to dance across the keys
and press random letters
Then i have to start every word over
Even now thinking about it it's happening

Drunk is a word someone would come up with when they're drunk.
It's a drunk word.

Every one of you had every opportunity to see me.
I wasn't hiding,
locked away behind doors in a jail cell.
If you wanted to see me,
all you had to do was walk up the stairs.
The door was wide open.
It still is.

Words aren’t said easily
They don’t pour from my veins
Sounds don’t form on my lips
I don’t take a breath then say something smart and witty
I take a breath then attempt to socialize
To survive a conversation I should be glad to partake in

But with words on paper it’s a conversation with pen I am happy to have
I take a breath and my thoughts just flow
I don’t take a breath and hold my tongue
Sounds of a different world blare in my mind
They flow then pour out through my veins

Words aren’t said easily
But they can be written beautifully

Water pulls me under
I'm drowning
Every loss ties me to another anchor
There's no way back up
Down here there's no air
Trapped in a nightmare
But I'm not dreaming at all
Everything is gone
But nothing is wrong
This is how it's supposed to be
In the end not you
But me suffocating

When I breathe I’m alive
Again and again,
But I’m not living
Days pass by and I show all the signs
No one seems to notice
I hide in the darkest part of my mind
Where my demons tell me the things
That nearly convince me to throw everything away
There’s one voice though,
That’s not a demon.
That’s why I’m still here today.

The way you say it
It comes across the way you mean it
And that’s the way I hear it
That’s why I have these thoughts
That I’m not good enough
You say I’m sad
When I’m actually very glad
Your words tear at me
Until I can’t take it
Then I do everything that will make you say
The things I will not want to hear
I know it seems childish
For me to complain
I mean,
I should be used to it
After all these years
Because of you I’ve cried so many tears
And you’ll never know
The thoughts you make me have
And the way you make me feel
Like I will never be good enough

Today I had to say what could be goodbye
You're the last one I never thought the time would come for
I gave you a note and i don't know if you read it
I gave you a hug and you left
You were my best friend
And I don't know if I'll ever see you again

The mystery in his eyes
The story they tell
Wrinkled around the edges
When his laugh takes me away

Every threat he takes away
You can see the protectiveness in his eyes
The ones that never lie
He’ll always be by my side

His eyes are like a song
The one that goes on and on
My heart beat is the tempo to his song
I know he is where I belong

Does he like me?
It's a simple question really
Not complicated at all
You would think i could find an answer
In the months we've been talking
In the years we've known each other
We never used to be close
But we are getting there.

Scared to death I'll fall
The feeling at the top of the wall
Helpful hands to pull you up
They will carry you
Through it all

They yell and they yell
Until I start to cry
I run upstairs to hide the tears
And I don't care who hears
The tears run down my face
Before i know it
I cry myself to sleep
And I wake up in a puddle of my own tears

I know your secret
I know how it makes you feel
I know what you'd do
If anyone else knew

But just because now
I'm not the only one who knows
Doesn't mean you need to say goodbye
Die by hanging yourself with a rope

Please just burn that stupid string
I know you almost said goodbye today
But just because you're ashamed
Doesn't mean you have to give up on life
Please don't
Let yourself die

By that old stupid string
Just burn it to ash right now
But please
Please don't give up on your life

I know they are saying things about you
But please don't give up hope

Eventually things will get better
But for now it is the way it is
It may take a while But everyone will forget
So please
Don't **** yourself

I'm a devil
I'm an angel
I am sometimes in between
I'm as bad as it can get
And as good as it can be
No one knows if I am good or bad
They will just have to wait and see
What will happen if they ever get to close to me
Because I am special
I am beautiful
I am wonderful and powerful
Unstoppable
Just wait and see what happens to me
When I am sad
When I am mad
And rarely happy
Because you can't stop me now
I am on the ball
And you can't convince me to say yes
Or even to smile
You might as well give up fighting
Because you are already on your way to hell
And you can't do anything right
You know that place that's six feet under
It leads to hell for you
Better hurry because the devil is waiting to meet you
So don't be late for your meeting
Because I don't want you to be here anymore
I want you to be out
I turned on you
You turned on me
Kind of funny how fate can be

It doesn't matter what you think of me
I can be anything I want to be

I can't help myself
When it comes to loving you
But there has got to be a way
So I don't have to be afraid
So I can get away
Maybe even fly away

You can guess where I am going
You may be right or wrong
I have no way of knowing
What the future holds for me

Hey, are you coming with
I'll take the right of way
To get there faster
To someday fly away

You smile and say nothing will change the two of us
We may be running out of time
Before our chance is gone

Suddenly you're changing your mind
Saying they were right
You were wasting your time
I'm tired
Of your indecisive mind

The consequences are different this time around
You let it go last time but now
I let you down
I said I was sorry
But you wouldn't forgive me
You want me out of your head so bad
I make you shout
I didn't mean to hurt you
But i guess it's over now

I had a dream last night
About you and me
It wasn't a dream come true
Like I thought it would be

The consequences are not the same anymore
Things are different now
I was hanging on my a thin little thread
You let me go because I did what I did
You said what you said
We said goodbye
All i had left to do
Was sit down and cry

Go until you can’t go anymore
To them you did great
To you it’s not good enough
To others you can improve
Everyone is susceptible to an opinion
But yours is the only one that counts

You have your hold on me
I’m suffocating
Every time I manage a small gasp of air
It doesn’t feel right
Like I shouldn’t be here
Or even breathing at all
You are not who I remember
The man I see
Standing right beside me
With grip so strong
I need to break free
The suffocation grows
You fill me with dread
Wishing I were dead
So I could break free of this hell
The others you will tell
The lies you will spread
Of how it came
To me being dead

Do not say the worst is past
Do not say everything is okay
For everything to be well
You must first go through hell

Dearest sister
I hope you can understand
Maybe someday when you venture to a far off land
To feel strong
But around you so weak
You put me down
But I always get up
I used to seek you for help
Now I want to get away
I just hope for one day
When you’ll hear what I say

Here it goes.
1…. 2…. Breathe
You don’t know
You never will
I sincerely apologize
For this I am sorry
But know
*I will never forget

You’re blue eyes shine through the night
Brighter than any star ever could
In the dark
You guide me
As I’m lead through the night
I begin to realize
All I have to say is
Hey there blue eyes