Frozen Pond

Buried deep under a frozen pond,
lies a brunette, red head and a blonde.
The brunette lived a simple life,
her name was Mary and my first wife.
Got married young, at age nineteen,
I was a king, she was my queen.
Caught her sleeping with my brother,
so naturally, I slept with her mother.
In the winter we went ice skating,
drilled out a hole, while I was awaiting.
As she got close, I pushed her in,
if only the ***** had a fin.
Two years later met a red headed beauty,
she was a little nuts and a lot fruity.
Ginger was this psychos name,
once again my brother was to blame.
Caught them in his back seat,
he played tricks, she gave him treats.
On the frozen pond we took a walk,
smashed a hole with a giant rock.
Pushed her in till she was under,
she screamed louder than Florida thunder.
My brother the blonde, his name Jake,
loved to go to that frozen lake.
Playing hockey with his friends,
him and his fancy Mercedes Benz.
One day we were passing the puck,
a hole in the ice and he got stuck.
I said, sorry brother but you deserve,
to fall in while I stand and observe.
Now my life is complete,
girls now know better than to cheat.

i can start every sentence with
if i were beautiful . . .
and i still won't be

but if i write enough poetry
at least i'll have something beautiful
to show for myself.

Ex Partners

The last time that we spoke,
my life was such a joke.
I'm glad to see you're doing well,
my life has gone straight to hell.
I see you have become very rich,
yes my wife is still a *****.
Must be nice to have fortune and fame,
while I'm stuck in the hall of shame.
You and your trophy wife,
me grabbing for my sharpest knife.
You living high on the hog,
me so hungry, had to eat my dog.
I see you bought a brand new mansion,
they had to repo my trailer expansion.
Your kids are going to the best schools,
my kids go to school on ***** mules.
Remember when we are team,
me not knowing you had a hidden scheme.
Did you know I had a nervous breakdown,
it ****** wearing that hospital gown.
Your wife and kids I have kidnapped,
I left you a ransom note that I wrapped.
I deserve half of your money,
the longer you wait, the more they become ******.
I'm only asking for a measly million,
I think it's worth it for your wife and children.
You better not involve the cops,
I'm so hungry, I could eat them like pork chops.
Put the money in a garbage bag,
tie it tight with an old ***** rag.
Leave it at the place where we first met,
the your family you might get.
I left you a map where to find them,
you only have to eight p.m.
Everything went according to plan,
now I am a very rich man.

Remember When

Remember days that were simple,
nothing to do but pop a pimple.
Graduating from high school,
everyone thinking the're so cool.
Going on a first date,
worrying about being overweight.
Having *** for the first time,
never called again, what a slime.
Driving in your first car,
partying like a rock star.
Then it's off to college,
beer and *** produces knowledge.
Some go off to the military,
having friends that are imaginary.
Then a job or even a career,
not a worry, not a fear.
Future so bright, must wear shades,
life becoming more like charades.
Get married and have a baby,
then the spouse always says maybe.
Start fooling around with a neighbor,
snorting coke on a piece of paper.
Life never becomes what's expected,
family and friends becoming neglected.
Now divorced and feeling alone,
life spiraling like a cyclone.
Drug abuse got out of control,
in jail waiting for parole.
Never again seeing that child,
when first born you cried and smiled.
Can't find work and being broke,
when did life become a joke.
Wishing life went back to simple,
when toughest choice was what color sprinkle.
If had to do all over again,
You'd believe in god and say amen.

I hit em like a mack truck
no beeping when i back up
i never get my knack stuck
i put em on a rack yup

I watch em like a stalker
hear words from the talker
i crush the rock blocker
kid, i'm the real rocker

i blast em like a 10 gauge
on every single pen page
i'm living in a thin cage
screaming from a dim stage

i can see the resistance
words of inconsistence
i'll give you some assistance
but you can't go the distance

I always wanted to be a part of it, from the start of it, to get deep down in the heart of it, i only did it for the art of it, apart of it, i want to be the dart of it
i always had a heart that was passionate, that's how they fashioned it, i have skill and i know how to ration it, i'm stashin it until it's time for cashin it
i always wanted to be articulate, intricately magnificent, like king of the syndicate, i always tried to go fist to fist with it, trying to be a significant participant
in shape and i never pull a ligament because i implement infinite, inventive to invent it, i just sent it to the senate, admit it, all that and i'm hypoallergenic

Mr. Poet Guy

There was a time, not so long ago,
lived a man you all very well know.
Walking down the street one afternoon,
it was a bright sunny day in June.
Came across a man so mean,
what happened next was quite the scene.
Pulled out a gun and shot me dead,
one single bullet into my very head.
That's the day the poet died,
all over the world people cried.
Singing bye-bye Mr. Poet Guy,
paramedics tried, but with tears in eye.
As the police drew their white chalk line,
my soul escaped, you can see the incline.
The paramedics tried with all their might,
I was so dead, couldn't put up a fight.
Singing bye-bye Mr. Poet Guy,
paramedics tried, but with tears in eye.
They drove me hearse to the levy,
blood drained out and body was dry,
singing this will be the day that he die.
Thousands of people came from every state,
please don't mourn, just celebrate.
They never did find the man in question,
millions of people, now in depression.
Maybe he works for the C.I.A,
if he's caught, what would he say.
Listen Judge, does it really matter,
he deserved that brain splatter.
Singing bye-bye Mr. Poet Guy,
paramedics tried, but with tears in eye,
singing this will be the day that he die.