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He got up when everyone was sitting down,
From a hot country to a cold one.
The coldness blocked off his pain to return again.
His dad’s friends were echoing, what a lesson.
I should have been paying much closer attention.
I just felt his pain at a closer dimension,
What else was said that he didn’t mention?
little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
Balance on my heel
For a moment,
Make sure I'm real

Let's tip toe
Through the family hall
With steps you know
Dejé huellas en una pared a la que quizás nunca volveré.
Abuelitos se aseguraron de dejarme cada palabra necesaria para sobrevivir sin ellos.
Al principio no procesé que cada abrazo y regalo era un presagio del futuro.
ÂżComo podrĂ­a olvidarlo?
Adormeciendo su existencia durante años;
caminando por un camino que estaba lejos del de ellos.
Mientras escribo, uno se detiene y uno continĂşa.
No sabía que cada palabra era un enigma, de lo contrario habría hecho más preguntas.
Pasos, uno se detiene y uno continĂşa.
Los dejo ir todos los dĂ­as para seguir entendiendo los pasos.
I left imprints on a wall I, perhaps, will never return to.
Abuelitos made sure to leave me every single word necessary to survive without them.
At first I didn't process that every hug and gift was a foreshadow of the future.
How could I forget?
Numbing their existence for years;
walking down a road that was far from theirs.
As I write, one stops and one continues.
I didn't know every word was a puzzle otherwise I would have asked more questions.
Steps, one stops and one continues.
I let go of them everyday to continue to understand steps.
I always wondered the concept of existence.
Mamita made sure to show me.
I watched her get ready in her orange suits while everyone yelled “chocho” making sure she was seen.
I smiled swirling my dress yearning to be as fabulous like her.
Existing to her was obvious.
She took me in and that was enough to know I belonged to the family.
I still question why she chose me but wasn’t I lucky?
Existing in her eyes as family.
Abuela's eyes taught me so much,
She didn't have to say much just look at me.
She would often tell me tales that one day sounded like fantasy
and eventually turned into reality.
I froze at the age that many started to walk.

To unlearn what I once learned even if to others I was a "misfit".
Did not expect me to become the norm or what the entire world once predicted.

Her eyes were a piece of heaven that are no longer on earth.

Many knew her for her kind gestures but I knew her for her secret.
She felt like she could give to everyone and never noticed what I noticed most, her eyes.
so simple yet so mystic.
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