I used to think we could spend our lives together,
so much so that we'd talked about children,
about moving across the world, getting an apartment,
being happy.
I used to think that was what I had wanted,
to be away from everyone and to live,
to enjoy every moment of my life,
and be with you.
I used to think it would be the best life for me,
but I see now that I was delusional,
I was so desperate to feel loved
that I mistook everything between us
to be love.
I know now that what we had wasn't love,
it was my vulnerability on display
and you preying on my weaknesses,
you telling me you cared and that I,
I was the most important person in your life.
You lied.
I think the worst part about it all
is that I knew, all along I knew,
I felt the lies building, time after time
I held back everything, I bit my tongue
and failed to call you out on it.
I think I was afraid to lose you,
not realizing I never had you.