never trust a poet's words
they sound sweet at first
but you'll notice the emotion in their words
it all sounds too...
fake
"i love you like the sea loves the shore"
becomes too scripted
you hear the small tinge of love actually left in their voice
hoping
hoping it could mean something
but it doesn't
it never does
it's just the way they say it
one day, after they have left
you will find their poems, and they will be the exact words that they had said to you
once long ago

Honestly I can't hold my own with drugs, I don't like that out-of-body rush, my mind's already expanded too much.

Sometimes it's like a hamster on a little wheel, I have to keep it running smoothly or I start to feel a little unhinged.

Now that I think about it, that's probably why the family hobby is binge-drinking, getting high by getting numb enough to stop thinking.

I try my best to keep it all together, but honestly most days seem better after they're gone, because I've already weathered the storm.

I have a question for you, is it weird that I'm only happy at the start of a new day? When that first hour awake shows it's pretty face, I feel amazing.

Until I watch it fade away and in it's place I see familiar faces telling me "Everything's the same and nothing ever changes."

My dad told me once in a drunken state of prophecy, "Son, me and you are variables, we can be the change the world needs."

I rebutted instantly, "If that's true, how come you've been drinking every night since you were 17? How come you've been working your whole life away inside refineries? How come you'll be doing the same thing when you hit the age of 63?"

After that he just stared at me, like his whole world was broken, like I took a notion he'd been holding onto for 20 long years and shattered it.

There I saw a man bruised, battered and beaten, and when I saw the look in his eyes that night I had a moment of clarity.

It came to me in the form of a quote by Sir Fredrick Neichze, "And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

And in that moment I had to laugh because I realized my whole life could be a divine comedy, my dad was trying to help me escape, but all I could think about was our shared love of philosophy.

And as if on cue, he said the quote right back to me, and then I felt bad for laughing at a tragedy.

The light in my life ended the night you tried to get personal with a bullet. That night you called me up, and me and your demons had a chat.

We became friends and I invited them in with a welcome mat so openly that they never left. They agreed to leave you alone as long as I took partial custody, and I accepted eagerly, for you.

Now some years have passed. You're all grown up and apart in a relationship built to last, and I'm stuck here in the nightmare aftermath of heavy stone arms, shaking hands, and panicked breathing every other weekend.

That's what "I love you" means to me. The first time I gave of myself eagerly to get partial custody of someone else's demons.

A sink into the sorrow river,
would set my mind at ease,
To feel so weightless and alone,
with bottled memories.

I'd count the drops as they peer through,
That empty venom glass,
Each and every one a friend,
down to lonely last.

And what then will I own,
but the bitter drink of swill,
To fill my glass to brim with cheer,
To sit here sulking still.

Remembering how my life was grand,           
Before it all was taken,
While failing then to understand,
how sorely I'm mistaken.

This life I have is still my own,
To do with as I please,
Yet still I choose to drink alone,
Sinking down with ease.

Ah to be the only one awake,
To hear so clearly the sounds of nothing,
To track the hours by time spent freely,
To greet the night as moonlight breaks.

This is the life of that lonesome bird,
Who spreads it's wings and twists it's head,
This is the life of that humble creature,
Who sees the sun and greets it's bed.

A quiet thing when all alone,
It finds this state to be it's home,
And in this place of gentle rest,
It stays awake or tries it's best.

But life it seems will not relent,
For daybreak signals most to rise,
The sun is here; you must repent,
For most of life surfs daylight tides.

As work will come with daylight's call,
To see their heavy eyelids fall,
These quiet birds will seem to stall,
For nighttime fun has sapped them all.

But soon enough they will withdraw,
Back to their nesting homes so sweet,
And in that place they'll close their eyes,
To send off daylight with goodbyes.

And they will wake again to see,
That moon of theirs so happily,
To make them smile and sing and dance,
They all celebrate a calm pale glow.

They sing her praise to warm her heart,
For they know her well and true,
That pale blue mistress called the moon,
Has seen them all gliding through the night.


The birds with wings and tilted heads,
Are of course night owls solemn and quiet,
Listen clearly to all they've said,
For their hooting holds wisdom on lonely nights.

Have I forgotten,
How to speak,
In vibrant hues,
Of yellow-pink?
Of sunny days,
And precious sweets,
Traded then,
For gray and bleak.

I wonder this,
So often now,
If voice is lost,
Can it be found?
A simple thing,
To miss and yet,
How quickly we,
Can just forget.

The easy days,
Of smiles gone,
Of children's games,
And laughter long.
When simple things,
Could entertain,
In yesterday,
where smiles reigned.

"O angels please,
I plead to thee,
Show some mercy,
In plans for me.

In trying times,
I've tried my best,
To pray to you,
For any rest.

A loving heart,
A gentle soul,
A sign to point,
Which way to go.

A light to guide,
A hand to hold,
A source of warmth,
In bitter cold.

A place to hide,
A shelter free,
From any sense,
Of tragedy.

But still you watch,
And still we wait,
For any shred,
Of dawn to break."

So it goes,
The saying old,
The sun shall come,
To banish cold.

The clouds will flee,
And joy will spread,
To all of those,
With hope still left.

"To all of you,
The lucky few,
To make it through,
The dreadful nights.

Enjoy the view,
You've made it here,
Breathe it in,
With small delight.

The bodies stiff,
Shall mark your trial,
And memories then,
Shall sing and dance.

To remind the cost,
Of true denial,
Count the lost,
The numbers grand.

The price of life,
A heavy sum,
Will weigh enough,
To break the one.

Who dared to dream,
Of bigger things,
Who played at god,
And grew his wings.

Who soared so high,
He met the sun,
And tumbled then,
The foolish one."

He angered them,
The ones that saw,
Those who made,
Eternal law.

And swiftly then,
Did they enact,
A greatly awful,
Ancient pact.

The sun would fade,
Away from view,
To signal then,
The end anew.

And all would freeze,
And all would starve,
Except for those,
Of faithful heart.

"A simple thing,
To ask of them,
Remain our creatures,
Not our kin."