I’m scared I’ll never stop loving you
You’ve long stopped caring, but what if I can’t stop
I’m scared I’ll never outgrow my bad habits
I’ll be grown, a grown woman,
and I won’t stop.
I won’t stop sneaking out in the late
hours of the early morning, shivering
in nothing but your old t-shirt, steadying
my hands enough to light a cigarette, puffing
slowly, reflecting
on the good ole days,
when we were each other's everything, the nicotine
numbing me when I think
about how now, we’re each other's no more.
I won’t stop sitting on the floor, distressed
leaning on the pale empty wall, a single
bottle of scotch, almost slipping
through my numb fingers, sad memories,
regrets,
flashing through my head, I close my
eyes, let my head lean on the wall, think
about what could’ve been.
But is not.
I won’t stop slicing my skin with a
thin razor, my heartbeat
so slow, I’m practically
dead, my mind
racing,
a mile a second.
Disappointment. Failure.
Unwanted. Unloved. Sad. Depressed. Suicidal.
Blood,
running down the sides of my
thighs, so much blood. It won’t stop
bleeding, just like my heart.
I won’t stop loving you.
I won’t stop missing you.
I won’t stop thinking about you. Us. Our love.
Your love was my drug. My tongue tracing
outlines on your skin, drawing
hope for tomorrow, but tasting
nothing but sorrow. We
were each other’s remedy to our own sad
thoughts. You saved me once,
Can you do it again?
(a.f.c)