dont tell anyone
but i broke my promise
its been a few weeks now
but i remember that sunday night
i gave in to the voices.
the voices weren't even in my head anymore
nor were they my own.
sadly, they were my parents and my sisters
telling me that i am not gay and that
maybe if i get a nice boyfriend then
i could be normal.
i cut deeper then ever before,
relapse at its finest.
and i couldn't even help but
smile as blood trickled down my arm.
i am sorry, i really am. i went almost three whole months.
and then i lost it, i needed the blood,
i needed the feeling, i needed the pain.

i'll try harder... but i dont think i can keep anymore promises.

Her mother pushed religious ******* down her throat
But she refused to listen
Her mother pulled her hair and took away her hope
But she had accepted long ago her mothers love had conditions
Her mother always let her get caught in the crossfire of her anger
But she just locked herself in her room to forget
Her mother constantly called her a failure
But she didn't need her mother to remind her of her regrets
Her mother was fed up with her passive aggressive behavior
But she knew she deserved better than this neglect
Her mother always yelled at her for never talking
And she let hollow silence be her reply
It wasn't until her mother said "You should **** yourself."
That she happily complied

all that we see, and all that we want
will be written down in a history book in 20 years
so we cannot and will not ever be unimportant,
one after another, you may inspire, to inspire another
and you are not unimportant
no matter how small you may feel, or how much you want to drop
you are keeping someone alive
the puppy or kitten or bunny or even snake you save
feed, nurture, revive
may leave impact so big on you
and the pebble you kicked, that stubbed your toe,
made others laugh and laugh and laugh
so you had a story to be spread
who knows about the future,
perhaps I'm wasting my time,
but all I'm trying to say is, with every fiber of my being,
I know everyone matters
including you

I made a comment about jumping off a building the other day
And you looked at me and said "You shouldn't joke about suicide."
And I completely agreed, suicide is not a joke
But little did you know, I wasn't joking
And even though I smiled as I said it,
I silently begged you to see behind it
And pull me far, far away from the edge
Before I fell where no one could reach me
Because their is a huge difference between wanting to die
And wanting to **** yourself
It can make the difference between life and death
And I'm afraid I've gotten to the point
That I might just want both