I guess I feel threatened by your strength
I guess I feel threatened by your beauty
I build brick layers between us.

What is that?

She ushered me to that golden path of sacred
My hands seek but grasp not
But there is something there to be taken
Why the blinders?
Why the stammer?

I have never been so confused
‘Olobeouch,’ the Yapese say
A tangling predicament worth
Unraveling with a fine-tooth
Bamboo comb

What about awareness
Emotional terror both by day
And by night
The subtle insidious kind
Calm waves of sad

Inertia creeps

What is that?

How do I heal when--
(and thanks for putting words to it, Rudy):
When it feels like the arms of my
Clock have arthritis?

Ship wreck on the wrong shore

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My feelings for you have grown needlessly ornate
Yours for me, simple

Sullivan says:
Friendship is underrated
Because of its inherent
Ability to be so earthen
So organic
And, thus
Conceptualized
Less

So why have I built
Nonsensical negativity?
Self-sabotage

What is that?
I’m not that guy.

I told you:
“I want so much more of you than I need”
I didn’t know at the time that I got it twisted

Maybe:
I need you more than I want to admit

Love the one you’re with

I idealized, romanticized the **** out of you
Before I even came back

I shot myself
Big toe on rifle trigger

A nice distraction from more
Pressing issues?

What is that?

I thought I was alone
But you reminded me
I am not

I can’t tell you how much that means to me

Those words:
Struck match
In a dark room

I’ve not let anyone acknowledge or
Sympathize with my lingering ache
Much less help anyone understand it

What is that?
I’m not that guy
I’ve never been that guy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

­
I let news of:
Thousands killed by super typhoon
Refugee birth
******* hunter casualty
Child victim of AIDS
Remind me that my pain is small

Pretending that that news is
Good enough to build perspective
And deal with pain
When it isn’t

“We accept the love we think we deserve”
I guess I thought I didn’t deserve you
Thank you for reminding me that that is
Not Truth

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­~~~

Ask me unprovoked questions
By the sea, under a tree
Whisper me stardust

Because one day I want to say:
Love me for the man I’ve become
Not the man I was

I touch the tip of your nose

he sang beautifully until he began
to scream; i slept peacefully
until the nightmares set in
he had the vastness of a constellation
& i had the willpower of a telescope
i thought if i connected his veins
with the tip of my finger,
we'd learn to find each other
so i followed his voice every time
it trailed off but i always got lost
somewhere between what was
said and the reasons why
i studied the patterns in his
palms; he fell asleep in my arms
the desire to understand the
apathy in his eyes
was not the same as
the desire to love his insides

We're caught somewhere between
falling in love with ourselves
and wishing we were someone else

and i've noticed that
every receipt
from every place
we went to together
has a poem scribbled
on the back of it

i guess you just
made me feel
like writing

i want saturday mornings to always smell like
black coffee and your cologne

i want to wake up before the sun rises
and walk around in wool socks, sing elvis presley
under my breath because i'll never admit it
but when i fell for you it was relentlessly and without
inhibition and
                          i just
                                     could not
                                                   help myself

i want to carry two mugs back to bed instead of just
one and i want to be there when you wake up
slowly

I am crawling through the mud of the Valley
of the Shadow.
The skies are dark,
the water cold,
I am blue and I think I am drowning.

It feels like a hurricane is brewing
and the flash-floods are coming soon.
But maybe this rain is just a
reminder that God is
Crying too.

Dear Stars,
Whether you be of now, or of moments long forgotten;
Do not think of me.
Whether you dangle near, or amongst many silken companions;
Do not consider me one of them.
Whether you observe life, or glimpse only the vast expanse of black;
Please. Do not see me.
For I came from you;
And until I again return,
There could be no greater injustice.