i'm sick of shaky hands
and hearing things
screaming at me
inside of my head,
i go to bed at night
and lose you,
then in the morning when
i wake and reach for the empty
space across the sheets,
i lose you again
please don't
go,
i need you to save me
from my demons
that attack me
at 3 am
in the morning
-b.m

Is it bad that I want to experience heartbreak? I want to fall deeply in love just to see how they would shatter me. I want to depend on that person like oxygen and have them cut off until I turn blue. I want them to destroy my very hope for life, because in the darkness blooms the light that shines the brightest  and shows the way. I believe that I could never reach my highest without first going through the low. I believe I will never be able to make a women happy until I know what's it's like to be miserable.
Out of the ash of heartbreak a Phoenix who blooms brighter than the sun will rise once more. For as Christians we are called to die to know real love, so why would the rules change for love? Don't we have to have nothing to be able to know exactly what we deserve? Don't we have to go through much adversity to know the slightest sight of triumph? You cut your hair to make it grow, and forest fires bloom beauty, why would love be any different?

The house felt so quiet with only the hum from the fan
Cooling my only contact with the outside world
Only I could hear the pattering from the spiders run
From their frenzied night time feast
My spine felt a shiver
The glow had faded from the fire and my palms sweated
At the thought of my insanity  
Yet here I must write
Write
To keep the demons at my door
Write
To stop them crawling into me
Write
To stop the feel as they whisper into my silence
I close my mouth and scream

So here I write soliloquies
Here I write my soul
It's here I write my madness
The writing on the wall
A poet writes of nothingness
No meaning
Break the rule
The madness from the shadows speak
All quiet breaks

Poor the soul

The golden hour wakes me, I'd fallen yet again
All bottles have been broken
Empty for the drain
I wallow in my pity,the gallon drum awaits
Drinking for my future
Drinking for my wake
A poet so I be
Famously broken
Fabulous me

The house felt so peaceful as my normality returned
The writing left in front of me all ready for the burn
I seek another moments grace
Please madness come
Return
My writing comes that different here
An era that I spurn
Now poets will remember this in writing that they feel
A time for loosing all inside
A craving feeds the feel
It's hard to speak when no one knows how crazy that you are
It's poets talk we really crave
The
Writing on the wall

Into material I was ******
From divinity to disgust
I'm told to live through it's a must
The fear, the loathing, and the lust
Never knowing who to trust
Sometimes I want to bleed the rust
And disintegrate myself to dust

But god forbid I spill the real
Because we're told it's weak to feel
Just lock it all inside and seal
Can't penetrate a wall of steel
What's left of us is empty shells
We're perpetrating our own hell
In this place we're forced to dwell

Now real's mistaken for a trend
Enemies are confused with friends
This mass distortion never ends
I don't claim I'm free from guilt
I'm trying to wash away the filth

Including former friends and lovers
They end up showing their true colors
I'm made to duck and run for cover
Hide myself but see through others

You can look now, you can't touch
I've been brought down way too much
I've been sinking far too long
But now I'm rising, now I'm strong
Up above where I belong

What was once lost now was found
It's all in who I keep around
So keep your self worth on the ground
But I won't be coming down