Shivers down the length
of my spine
as I relive the art
on my neck;
Is this love?
Feather soft wings tickle
my insides
as I relive the warmth
that was your touch
on my skin;
Is this love?
My toes curl up and hide
in the palms of my feet
as I relive the back scratching,
forehead kissing, and
leg rubbing
that I thought
made up for the fact
that you never called.

I hid;
behind a charade

Little did I know,
Charades isn't fun if you play if to long

I really don't understand this. I'm so confused why I have this. I feel like I did something to deserve it but what could be so bad that I deserve this? This is nothing; it's empty, hollow, and bare. I'm sad always, every day, every moment. Depression is horrible and I feel awful for those who have it. Everyone involved. I hate that I can't help anyone, not even myself. When you feel like this, feel like I do. Death is inviting. Like it's an end to the pain I'm always feeling. But I don't think I could do it. I'm scared of the people it would hurt; Scared of everything. I'm so sorry for everything I do. I'm only negative to everyone. I don't help. I make stuff worse, for everyone. I wish they wouldn't pretend they need me. Nothing helps, cutting doesn't even realllllyy help.. I still do it. I mean I have too yknow. I mean depression *****, and anxiety and eating disorders **** too. Mental illnesses pile up and I'm stuck and trapped in the dark alone. People say they can help. They can't.

Part one:
We stop saying I love you every night
The fights are too much
You're always angry
You're always violent
I still love you
Part two:
I don't remember the last time you said I love you
I don't think you do anymore
The neighbors called the police on us last night
My hospital bracelet is itchy
My bed is cold
I still love you  
Part three:
I question if this is right
I've never been in worse shape
You say sorry
You tell me you love me
I still love you
Part four:
You lied about loving me
The damage is done
You're finally locked away and gone
But

I still love you

The voices always screamed
So did my mother
I couldn't take this
She started to hit my brother

She needed to be taught a lesson
For when she made him cry
I grabbed a book of matches
She is going to die

My thoughts are often violent
Dr. John says I'm not well
I see him twice a week
But I'm already going to hell

So I lit the fire
It started with her bed
Everyone is dying
Or is it in my head ?

The fires in the lawn now
And all the grass is dead
All the grass is dead
Or is it in my head?

Each blade of grass burnt
Brings me much concern
I've hurt my whole family
Now it is my turn

It's five o'clock in the morning
and I'm sitting here at the bench park
-- alone and waiting.
I stared on the green grass but my mind is somewhere.
My body shivers due to the morning air.

Then, suddenly I began to ask questions
why I am here, alone and waiting?
Whom should I be waiting?
do I need to wait this long? or should I just stop waiting and go home?