I let you become my world
I called you home
And when you left
I didn't know where to go

So I ran to the streets of France
And climbed the hills of Italy
I swam with mermaids in the  Mediterranean
And found secrets in the countryside of Ireland

I walked where kings walked
Traced the footsteps of men who changed the world
I fell in love with places
And was overwhelmed with the kindness of strangers

And when I stood at the top of the world
I was humbled at its size
And discovered what a small piece you are
Of my grand story

And in your absence
Something incredible happened

I fell in love with myself

My life is a silly collection of misplaced tragedies

Loves that's should've been but didn't
Men I couldn't want but did
Loves that did but not enough to stay

You stand too close
And I can barely breathe
As your fingers secretly tickle the small of my back
I try to act as if you have no power at all
Praying that you don't feel the goose bumps arising from your touch
But things are complicated
And I'm not supposed to want you

But oh
How desperately I crave you

You left me
To become one of them
But the irony is
They're all desperately searching
To find what you and I had

And so now you become a ghost
I will carry the scars you left behind
Other men will try to kiss them away
But you left permanent marks on my heart
You will be the answer
When I explain my hesitancy to trust
My unwillingness to open up
My tendency to run away from love
The man you used to be
The boy you are now
The person you will become
I will never be able to escape
The ghost that you left behind

I'm wrestling with never wanting to be touched again
And the desire to be in love again

Don't look at her
And wish you were "that pretty"
Don't admire the way they all stare
And wish you weren't in her shadow
Don't envy her face or her body
And believe that she's got it made

Because the secret she'd never tell you is
The center of attention
Is very lonely too

You ruined me
Before you,
I handed out kisses like candy
I was detached
Distant
Dispassionate

But you rooted yourself so deep into my heart
That I can't dig you out
And I hear your voice taunting,
"Him? Seriously?"
I see the hair on your neck rise in jealousy
But you don't get to be jealous
Because you left me

But what does matter?
Because I'm still hopelessly in love with all that we were
So if I can't have you
Then I'd rather have nothing at all

I let his lips touch me where yours used to
I let his hands grab what belonged to you
I let his arms hold me the way you loved to

I let him lie with me the way you promised we'd lay forever
I let him whisper nothings that I didn't listen to
I let him

And that's the worst of it all
It was him,
Not you
And I let him