I still think about you,
And haven't stopped
Missing you.

I know you're still weathering your storms.
Soon enough
Those clouds will pass.

I've learned enough to know
You've overcome such dark
And heavy clouds before.

As much as I wholeheartedly
Would love to see a relationship
Blossom between us..
I understand that may very well not be in the future.

Simply put, I don't want to see a future
Where you are not in it.
Even if that blossoming only goes as far
As a gentle friendship..

I am not the forgiving type.

You expect, after so many years,
You'd receive an open hand.

Don't ever suppose for
That day to crawl forward.

You were cut out of my life
Much like a malignant tumor.

..Motionlessly reduced to a phantom limb..
One that should have stopped moving long ago.

I needn't remind you
How much of a friend you were..

..to me..

This time the pages just came to life..
A story I didn't think possible...

Heart fluttering
With every page turned.

Hard to believe..
This was really happening...

Waking up to the rhythmic beating
Of a happy heart

Every morning
I was looking forward to reading what comes next.

---------------

...Words began to fade out once again....
...Pages... start to tear.. once again...

Another book on the shelf.
Another story without an ending

I remember the last few words cutting me so deeply.

Dreamt I went back in time and found you.
Found you standing just outside the courtyard of school.
I walked up wondering how you would take me.
To my surprise it almost seemed as if you were expecting somebody.
Your smile was big and radiant.
You didn't know who I was, yet you were delighted to see me.
I told you that you may have just met me,
but in another time we actually know each other very well.
Not a trace of concern or suspicion could I find in your eyes.
...You must have known I was coming..
The sun was shining bright.
And your laughter was intoxicating. Even in my dream.
The feeling was fleeting..
For the morning light nudged me out of slumber.

If we must suffer
Why not choose how we suffer?

I knew as soon as my emotions
Began stirring
Talking to you
What was bound to happen

This is how I choose to suffer.

It will hurt, yes.
But wounds heal.
With what fleeting time I have with you
If suffering is the cost... where do I sign?

Never before could I open up
To someone I immediately gravitated towards.
With you all those troubles, worries, and anxieties
They don't have such a hold over me anymore.

Again, this is how I choose to suffer..

What I think is special
When we say our goodbyes
We will part with much less Emptiness inside
Than when we first met.

Life is suffering.


...And I will suffer well..

I never got to tell you
I did in fact pick a star out
For you...
I took my time, and found a real gem.

I told you mine was Sirius.
You said you never picked your own star.
Even though I said the next time we saw each other
I'd have one picked out, I never told you what it was.

I wanted to wait till Spring
When we could actually see it
And I could point it right out to you
And say, "That one's yours."

I was really starting to like you.
And I can only imagine that that was why
You stopped talking.
Because I readily gave too much.

I'm not mad.
Just terribly hurt.
Just like with every other girl
I shared myself with.

Antares...
Your star was going to be Antares.
The heart of the Scorpion.
I'll save it for someone who's worth giving my heart to.

Even in the face of all your laudations
Almost tear inducing words
It will be so terrible when you find out
What happens next..

Such praise surely would
Have tempted this man from walking off.
At least everyone in their right mind
Would have concurred.

... But that is just not so in the mind
Of someone so bull headed.
So rigid in thought.
So unyeilding in person.

Like any branch
It will let out such
An unnerving snap
When the stress proves too much.

And no one will be ready for it.