I was watching the fish a few days ago, and decided to join them.
Their flickering fins slowly glinted as the sun sank beside me.
I came prepared: purple swimsuit, goggles, and a glowstick
But I left behind a life preserver.
It was on the shore, just in case, but as my feet graced the waves it no longer felt necessary to take precautions.

The golden red hues faded as the water got cold and I continued to drift.
My glowstick glanced off scales and shells, and my hair dye ran like blood around me.

Humans aren't supposed to be able to live without oxygen.
The body will shut down in at least four minutes with severe brain damage, and the possibility of death,
But how can one think of that in moments like this?

Even when all that is left is green, man-made light,
Waiting two seconds in murky liquid, the water comes alive.
Anemones waved as I sunk deeper, their glow penetrating the black.
Schools of fish twirled between my thighs as I landed softly on a coral bed, then slipped off into the sand.

Bubbles brewed from my nose.

Eyes burning as my gaze roved
I was blind in the darkness.
My chest began to tighten,
But who cared?
I had been watching fish, and found myself instead.

White lace,
represents purity.
I never valued it,
Until you took your scissors
And cut the delicate fabric
To shreds.
I wish I was given the choice,
Because now
I don't have enough left,
To make a wedding dress.

People often describe love
As insomnia,
Staying up till 3am just to talk
But for me,
Love is falling asleep easily
And waking up before my alarm
For the sole reason
of wanting to be awake

Ghost hands
Smoothing over
the ridges of my spine,
Through my teal jacket
My glasses clouding with
Salt and heavy breaths

Hold my hand
When I'm fearful,
For my skin
Is crawling,
And the only way to make it stop
Is to grab.

fishnets grip my thighs
With the commitment of no other
Clinging to my skin
In a way that reminds me
Of how I cling to you
Threads of affection
Catching on loose nails,
And tangling themselves
between your fingers.

Red string
Criss crossed against my calves
A pattern of faith
And soul
Inviting glances
When I only desire your gaze.

Stretch marks line my hips
Tights leaving holes
Where your hands should be placed
I desire the rough skin of your palm
Slotting against mine
I want to gaze at you
And freely show my reverence.

My nails trace
Patterns into soft, translucent skin
The thin inner muscles of my forearm
Flexing underneath a milky abyss
Of fluffy feelings,
Twirled into light pink candy floss

I sleep easy now,
With the sweet residue of sugar
Coating my thoughts
And your floral being
Is the lavender bath soap
That helps me rest easy.

My shoelaces tie themselves together,
And when I see you I stumble
Words tripping
Across my freshly shaven skin
My s's slip into
Thhhhhhhh
The soft whistling of songbirds
Tilting my world
Until I'm upside down
Legs dangling in the air

The fat on my body
Feels light
Like a tub of fresh cream
Whipped into soft peaks,
I feel as if I could melt into you,
And your bones could become my haven.
I feel as if you could become my haven.

the fabric of my skirt
Catches on door knobs
And I fear being bare
I fear being vulnerable
I hide my intimate thoughts
Tucked away underneath
Layers of thick fabric

Philophobia,
The buttons on my blouse
Make my fingers fumble
I shake with
The fear of love.

Fishnets grip my thighs,
With the commitment of no other.
I admire their perseverance
But I fear
That they will eventually rip to shreds,
And fall away.

All I can ask
Is that You please
help me glue them back together.

large hands
Envelop mine,
fingers lacing gently
And reassuring my existence.
The pressure
will never be too much,
Even if you squeeze
Until my bones shatter,
I don't need them.
I turn to goo around you anyway.

I teeter
On the brink of a river,
Tip toed and unbalanced
To reach your lips.

White water waves,
Crash in my chest
Heart unsettling
the calm of the water,
As I reach up to grip my
small hands,
Into the back of your jacket.

Despite this,
You don't throw me off.
My affections for you,
Grew easily
From the calm you provided
With your soft voice
And sturdy figure,
To the craving of attention.

I don't know when the Feelings came to be what they are,
I only noticed
When I caught myself,
Staring half lidded at your smile
My own cheeks taut with a grin.

I didn't know,
That I was lonely.

I suppose
I was used to restless nights,
Insomnia stealing away
My dreams
And twisting them into
Morbid nightmares.
I was accustomed to
Waking up alone,
And afraid.

I didn't expect,
To be held.
I never asked for affection
To carry me across
In my wicker crib on the river,
But I am being cradled
And underneath my
red flushed cheeks,
I'm grateful.

Because despite me
Acting as if I love independence
I am not functional on my own.
And it's hard to admit,
But I am not functional
With most people.
So, it was odd,
When as soon as i started
Talking to you,
I was sleeping by 9pm
And eating full meals,
And smiling through stress.

It was odd,
But not unwelcome.

My feet skim
Against cold water,
And Ive almost drowned
Far too many times,
And yet
I'm not afraid of swimming.

I'm not afraid of falling,
From a rope swing
Into deep amorous gazes
I'm nervous
And hesitant
But oddly, not afraid.

I thought I was afraid.

But now that I'm here,
On the tips of my toes,
No muscle memory at this height,
I'm not afraid
To fall.