i wanted to write about you
like my skin was on fire,
but i don't think that a boy like you belong in poems
you taste like black champagne,
and said i smelled like hot honey and wet leaves
you promised me the red morning sky,
but you aways slept to the early afternoon
you told me that i was everything you ever wished for,
but nothing you ever needed
when you touched me i knew the difference
between breathing and living
***** fingernails, morning coffee  and peaches
reminds me of you
i've never seen such blue eyes before

"eat the sunrise" he said in early mornings
when the sky looks like eggshells until i close my eyes
kiss my blue lips, play music for me, read me fairy tales
don't ever tell me, how you feel; in cold october nights
after making love, i'll just walk away with thirsty eyes and
pastel palms. after walking 2 kilometers, i wont even be able
to remember the proportions of you face or even your name
i'm born without a heart, but at least i can see the world further
than the horizon - at least i can drink seven strawberry daiquiris
without feeling anything

wet cigarettes and broken bones
always swallowing words like blue
bruises in my mouth
you loved me one coffee ago,
don't bother sharpen your spine,
i'll never be yours or anyone else's
it would be acceptable to leave an
apology on your desk, but i'm not
sorry for leaving you, actually i'm sorry
for making you a home  in my veins
don't tell me you need me when i can't
even look you in the eyes
don't tell me you love me
when i can't say it back

i want to tell you the truth  
everything hurts, my organs
are  filled with black rocks and
i can't write poetry without gaining
weight, sometimes i wake up
in the middle of the night trying
to convince myself that i'm still alive
i’ve stopped eating anything but
apples and your pastel pink tongue
i want to tell you the truth
that my heart is a collection of
boys who  didn’t ask for my name
only whispered words like beautiful
into my neck, only painted words
like obsession  on my spine
i want to tell you the truth
when i cross the streets i close my
eyes and the thought of dying
doesn't make me cry anymore
i want to tell you the truth
last friday i got so angry at you
that i nearly burned all of my
poems, i threw a plate at my door
and cleaned up the blood saturday
i want to tell you the truth
that i am made of stone, my hands
are never warm, my skin will be grey
my soul is aching because you’ve
made it empty
i want to tell you the truth
i still love you, i still care about you
but when you ask how i'm doing
i'll say that i don't know you anymore

but all you will hear is "i'm fine"

at first it was a fire, eclipses, short circuits,
lightning and fireworks
the incense,  honey adventures, smokes, wines,
perfumes; then bruises and honey, fever,
fatigue, warmth, currents of liquid fire, feast
and plague then dreams, visions, candlelight,
flowers, pictures
then images out of the past, fairy tales, stories,
then pages out of a book, a poem, then laughter,
then chastity
at what moment does the knife wound sink so deep
that the flesh begins to weep with love
at first power, power, then the wound, and love,
and love and fears, and the loss of the self, and the gift,
and slavery. at first i ruled, loved less
then more, then slavery. slavery to his image,
his odor, the craving, the hunger, the thirst,
the obsession
i will wonder about this for the rest of my life
the adventures we are you and i
wonder if this is love i feel, wonder if perhaps,
it’s been lust all along

it was 3 AM
you painted
"darling, you’re beautiful"
on my spine
we wanted to feel the ocean hugging
so we drove to the beach
i was almost drunk
you were almost pure,
but i couldn’t remember
what your name
tasted like
i almost forgot
i was
insane

Living is often like drowning, and sleeping like flying,
So bridges and tall buildings always tempt me.
When I talk about death I feel brave.
I've always hated how recognition can so easily turn into pride.
They say pride comes before the fall,
But I believe that various kinds of self-centeredness are the origin of all unholy descents.
I remind myself that I shouldn't take my life because I didn't give it,
And my heart continues to beat on its own.
Blood doesn't stain crimson red,
It darkens and crusts on the skin.
Everything that is dead becomes only a memory,
Then it disintegrates and washes away, eventually becoming nothing.
I can’t remember anything from before I had the ability to reason,
So when did I come alive?
I wonder if all people valued beauty,
Would there be peace?
Because I sometimes wonder whether Neil Armstrong meant to say what he did as took his first step on the moon.
I think trying is as valuable as doing,
But justification is a dangerous tool.
I am cautious of failure and success;
But count this as my eulogy
A list of things that I am going to say before my untimely death.
*I recognized the world for the canvas it was and I didn't waste my life.
My dreams were my motivation,
And they were fueled by those that underestimated me
I walked streets day and night and prayed that I would somehow run into the girl of my dreams,
and when I finally found my missing rib I looked at her like she was a piece of art that I just couldn't keep my eyes off of.
I suffered and I found its nectar bitter-sweet.
I didn't get the best of life, but then I made the best of life.
I never stopped caring,
my love for the unlovable made me daring.
I trusted too easily so I was always broken.
I always found things to love, but they never loved me,
But despite it, I still loved, hard, even though it hurt me.
I couldn't comfort because I had never been comforted.
After a lifetime of battling myself, I finally took off my crown of thorns.
I didn't let the past get the best of me,
I gave the future all of me.
I hated animosity,
War was despicable to me,
And I always preached peace.
I prayed constantly that my efforts would not be in vain.
I never actually could stop sinning,  but despite my ugly sins, I never stopped straining.
I was not perfect, but I did the best I could.
I never ceased to hear the music.
I still played, even when I felt like I was playing solo, I still played my part in this symphony of life.
My eyes were aimed at the director, and we played through the storm,
We played even when all hell was against us,
We played, and played, and played
Until eternity came through.....

I am dying slowly
leaves fall, branches dry
and soon the trunk will hollow
and I will fall
my love, the wind calls.

Cracking, breaking
then a thundering crash
and I will be gone,
down on the earth
whispering to the grass
tales of love
from the wind.

Wind, my beloved
made love to me,
gentle and caring
rough or demanding,
but it was life
sharing his game of force
with arms wrapped around.

On that fateful night
he held me tight.
too tight, too many kisses
with bodies entwined
he raged and raved
exploring my being.

While the hurricane sang
in the name of love
he uprooted me
to carry me away
to be his, forever.

Now I die slowly
betrayed on the way
he left me tattered and torn.

But my lover comes
again and again
making love to another tree
just beside me,
how crazy love can be
I wonder as I fall.