a m a n d a: Poems

Jan 2020 · 75

chairreee

a m a n d a Jan 2020

chairreee

| Y | O | U |
should be
l o o k i n g
for me.

Jan 2020 · 41

. . . r e s t . . .

a m a n d a Jan 2020

. . . r e s t . . .

sometimes, my eyes see
nothing that i want to look at.
so i close them.
and maybe that is the
only time i can s l e e p,
and why it is so rare.
i look for too long.

Jan 2020 · 46

weather is winter and love is love

a m a n d a Jan 2020

weather is winter and love is love

for a time
i could not stop imagining
the ocean
the beach
the flowers
and almost believed
it might be something
within my grasp

Jan 2020 · 87

admit one

a m a n d a Jan 2020

admit one

june promises
are just
january lies

Jan 2020 · 57

(it’s only wednesday)

a m a n d a Jan 2020

(it’s only wednesday)

some of these things are
so fleeting
you would never believe it.
and i can see the tether to
reality become questionable
because n o t h i n g
can be believed.
not | one | thing.

Jan 2020 · 100

-?-

a m a n d a Jan 2020

-?-

i can’t TELL YOU
what it means
because that
would defeat
the p u r p o s e

Jan 2020 · 58

let’s add cat pheromones to the mix

a m a n d a Jan 2020

let’s add cat pheromones to the mix

playing GOT in the background*
is like going home
and i can’t help but notice
that heads should be rolling
for all the things i’ve seen
or at the very least
these robots should
work more perfectly

*sadly, not including the last season

Jan 2020 · 64

s m o k e d

a m a n d a Jan 2020

s m o k e d

(...if we’re really being honest...)
it hasn’t been
/the best of times/
now has it?

Dec 2019 · 133

pretend it doesn’t smell like broccoli in here

a m a n d a Dec 2019

pretend it doesn’t smell like broccoli in here

sometimes you gotta
grind the metal
smoke that bowl
and sit in the garage
searching the shadows
for a black cat

Dec 2019 · 167

friday night on f i r e

a m a n d a Dec 2019

friday night on f i r e

\friday\night straight f i r e
with filmy thoughts of
creating a new s o c i e t y

Dec 2019 · 291

the k e y

a m a n d a Dec 2019

the k e y

it is incredibly h a r d
to see the blocks
in your own t h i n k i n g

Dec 2019 · 255

a case study

a m a n d a Dec 2019

a case study

that day i mistook
a cheeto crumb
for a pill

Dec 2019 · 208

rubble left from the moment that you left me

a m a n d a Dec 2019

rubble left from the moment that you left me

to t h i s day...
    to t h i s minute
i suddenly find myself
trying to find you
   in that song on repeat
       in the art
         in beautiful
           and tragic things.
(it's a hard place to be.)
   the last cry
never being
    the l a s t cry.
if i close my eyes
i can still remember
   i can still s e e
and it hurts more than anything
and i l o v e it more than anything
    when you feel just a little bit closer
   when the light is just right
and this song comes on
  and then i can see you right t h e r e
and feel for a moment
  the happiness i used to feel.

Capsize
Song by Emily Warren and Frenship

Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah
Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey
Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah
Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey

Up at night I'm awake 'cause it haunts me
That I never got to say what I wanted
Oh my God, oh my God
I'm not the same as I was with you
I would jump out my skin just to get you
Oh my God, oh my God

How could you have ever known
If I never let it show, now I just wanna know are you?

I'm fine
Drop tears in the morning
Give in to the lonely
Here it comes with no warning
Capsize, I'm first in the water
Too close to the bottom
I'm right back where I started
Said I'm fine

Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah
Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey
Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah
Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey

Your silhouette is burned in my memory
Rubble left from the moment that you left me
Oh my God, oh my God
And three words have never come easy
'Cause you're more than they ever could be
Oh my God, oh my God

How could you have ever known
If I never let it show, now I just wanna know are you?

I'm fine
Drop tears in the morning
Give in to the lonely
Here it comes with no warning
Capsize, I'm first in the water
Too close to the bottom
I'm right back where I started
Said I'm fine

Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah
Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey
Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah
Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey

I'm swimming up against the tide
Oh my God
I'm swimming but I'm getting tired
Oh my God
I'm swimming up against the tide
Oh my God
I'm swimming but I'm getting tired
Oh my God

Yeah, I'm fine
Drop tears in the morning
Give in to the lonely
Here it comes with no warning (No warning)
Capsize, I'm first in the water
Too close to the bottom
I'm right back where I started
Said I'm fine (Fine)

Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah
Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey (Said I'm fine)
Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah
Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey

Dec 2019 · 315

why are you SO quiet?

a m a n d a Dec 2019

why are you SO quiet?

|o r |
(why are you so rude?)

i'm listening
i'm thinking
i'm seeing
i'm hearing
i'm feeling
i'm processing
i'm analyzing
i'm remembering
i'm creating

- and -
i see
what you think i don’t see.
and i h e a r
what you think i don’t hear.

i'm breaking i t down
- and - tearing it a p a r t
/and/ putting it back together.

why?
what are you doing?

the more you TALK
the l e s s you listen
the less you \learn\
the less you u n d e r s t a n d
- and -
the less. you. know.

this is so old.
THIS is so tired.
this is SO b o r i n g
| a n d |
this is so
pre dict able.

Oct 2019 · 408

sphere of influence

a m a n d a Oct 2019

sphere of influence

a s p a c e
that grows
s m a l l e r
and
smaller.

Sep 2019 · 159

the slip

a m a n d a Sep 2019

the slip

good at not feeling
and not thinking about you
if i slip
heart thuds
light dims
i hear our low voices
the music floating
the air is hazy
soft smiles
hair in the light
fingers touching
lines on your face
and i am slipping
back back back

Sep 2019 · 312

people are s t r a n g e

a m a n d a Sep 2019

people are s t r a n g e

in order to
r e f l e c t back
i like to be a m i r r o r

Sep 2019 · 174

Dimension of self

a m a n d a Sep 2019

Dimension of self

If I could get an instant
A view
A triangle of thought
Of every individual person’s
Version of me
Would the view extend far enough?
Could I finally see
Who I am?

Aug 2019 · 768

the breaking down

a m a n d a Aug 2019

the breaking down

i think my education
must have been heavy
on the
analyzing.

Aug 2019 · 359

counting

a m a n d a Aug 2019

counting

i'm expanding outward
in many waves,
or many ways.

Jun 2019 · 400

feel love

a m a n d a Jun 2019

feel love

long days and nights
that you haunt my heart
chest at once contracting
then heaving
a sick empty pain
and there is no way to escape
there is no room for hope
there is no way to happiness
there is no way to you.

May 2019 · 340

ziplock

a m a n d a May 2019

ziplock

why do we
wrap things so tightly?
pushing and p u s h i n g out
all the air?
longevity revealed by
creating a void. _?
(the light in the
treehouse is tweaking)
and the cat is drinking.
an all the air is gone.

May 2019 · 184

time of you

a m a n d a May 2019

time of you

life spans and fractures
into both
    grim intervals
  and
eras of expanse.
the time of you
  stretches behind me
to this moment and no further.
it cannot be,
   so i live in a past of you
covered in the thinnest lines of gold
  the light heartbreaking
  and the air life itself.
   the music encompasses
what even words cannot
      and i could weep at my thankfulness.
today, like every day
  i have the smallest grasp
  the smallest hope
  that the time of you
        stretches and conforms to
  the shape of one more day.

Mar 2019 · 410

the dreaming void

a m a n d a Mar 2019

the dreaming void

i dream often
that i cannot move
or move s l o w l y
unseen and
unheard
breath a
struggle.

#dreams

Feb 2019 · 532

promises

a m a n d a Feb 2019

promises

if i said that i would
then i will.

Feb 2019 · 1.5k

King Crab Claw

a m a n d a Feb 2019

King Crab Claw

When you abruptly feel the absence
You know it’s bad
But that’s no way to go about
Living a life?!
And if gold circles
Are the weight of wealth
Well then you, sir, are barking up
The wrong tree.

Feb 2019 · 321

the light

a m a n d a Feb 2019

the light

this song
moving me both backward
and forward simultaneously
and i feel the pull
of a thousand moons
toward you.

Feb 2019 · 495

a seasonal man

a m a n d a Feb 2019

a seasonal man

if you crave a taste
of the finer things
get yourself a seasonal man
he does what he wants
whenever he can
and though it may take
a fortnight
or two
his flame burns
the brightest
the reflection
of you.

Jan 2019 · 301

through a veil, lightly

a m a n d a Jan 2019

through a veil, lightly

you are the best love i ever
i m a g i n e d

Jan 2019 · 334

anger crocheting

a m a n d a Jan 2019

anger crocheting

trust me, it's a thing.

Jan 2019 · 284

from back here

a m a n d a Jan 2019

from back here

it looks complicated,

but it is all in
the coming | joining
together,
s i m p l e.

Jan 2019 · 312

shambling

a m a n d a Jan 2019

shambling

the ghost of christmas past
keeps running up on me
to and fro
with the
shuffling of papers and
the clinking of chains.

Dec 2018 · 265

shhhhhhhhhh

a m a n d a Dec 2018

shhhhhhhhhh

no one touches
the downstairs
down there
down hairs.

Dec 2018 · 385

sci fi confessions

a m a n d a Dec 2018

sci fi confessions

the wraith from
stargate a t l a n t i s
scare me
the
most.

Nov 2018 · 594

grand theft facebook nation

a m a n d a Nov 2018

grand theft facebook nation

orcasio-cortez i got a word for you
what if we break the divide by dividing the break
like marvel heroes and villains.
we band together.
the young and fearless.
the old and wise.
the true hero and
the true villan.
we can name them all.
use them all. construct a narration
that builds a nation. we can live
in america again with
a little
imagination.

Nov 2018 · 215

thugs throw rocks

a m a n d a Nov 2018

thugs throw rocks

(and other tales of the
21st century)

swish swash
lay  l
         o
           w
take it slow
because fear is ripe
the fear is hype.

tiggle toggle home for
the hope is h i g h
the power is nigh
and the young are
bold.

`1

Nov 2018 · 766

psssht...hey! it's me

a m a n d a Nov 2018

psssht...hey! it's me

and
i
s t i l l
want to
crack you open.

Nov 2018 · 318

a a aand shift.

a m a n d a Nov 2018

a a aand shift.

the mere
p o s s i b i l i t y
of h
o
p
e
is more than i
can bear.

Nov 2018 · 1.2k

ode to the pharmacy tech

a m a n d a Nov 2018

ode to the pharmacy tech

you know too much.
you know i'm fat
crazy and
can't sl e e p
you know when i get sick
and things no other human knows.
and yet,
you s m i l e at me.

Nov 2018 · 467

facet i m e

a m a n d a Nov 2018

facet i m e

yesterday i met
a boy
with pretty blue eyes.

Nov 2018 · 183

s.o.s.

a m a n d a Nov 2018

s.o.s.

what if my cat is
crying at the d o o r
not for me to let her out
but to make noise
so someone
will save
her?

Nov 2018 · 312

man minutes

a m a n d a Nov 2018

man minutes

(learn the language)

man minutes are like
football minutes.
1 minute 30 seconds really means
21 minutes and 43 seconds.

Oct 2018 · 1.0k

embers

a m a n d a Oct 2018

embers

i sit in the
dark and the smoke
the fan humming
and i think of my lover
the best lover

Oct 2018 · 474

last night

a m a n d a Oct 2018

last night

you came to me
in a
d r e a m
as bright and beautiful
as my memory
it was
christmas eve
but you would not stay for dinner.
and in your absence,
a man with
3 eyes approached me.

#dreams

Oct 2018 · 535

current occupation:

a m a n d a Oct 2018

current occupation:

slave to
c a p i t a l i s m

Oct 2018 · 271

where i’m from

a m a n d a Oct 2018

where i’m from

winning at any cost
is not winning at all.

Oct 2018 · 196

use your voice.

a m a n d a Oct 2018

use your voice.

to lead is to speak,
so s p e a k.
whether a whisper
or a roar
a song or a
story
to o n e person
or one million,
just speak
what you know
to be t r u e.

Oct 2018 · 180

6.18

a m a n d a Oct 2018

6.18

as far as my
memory r e c e d e s
someone has taken upon
themselves the
burden
of my dietary habits.

Oct 2018 · 2.7k

a girl, circa 1995

a m a n d a Oct 2018

a girl, circa 1995

if you care to know what
life was like
for a teenage girl,
in Buffalo, NY
i would have to tell you,
that indeed,
stonewash jeans were HOT
and even more so,
if they were rolled up,
folded, and p i n n e d.

it was the tail end
of punks,
with the rise of grunge,
pearl jam
s o u n d g a r d e n and
REM
michael jackson
and
p r i n c e.
SNL, chicken wings,
and
the phantom of the opera

the world was sad
the middle east was sad
and the president was
a pervert.

what more is there to say?
other than the
driveway and porch parties
and of course,
computers
pagers and
andy warhol.

there really wan't
much to it.
camping,
stars in the country and
crisp fall air and
winters that never ended.
brutal sun,
freezie pops and
dance routines.
i was a girl.
what more can i say?

Oct 2018 · 197

to write

a m a n d a Oct 2018

to write

writing is just teaching.
but a poem is taught
with love.