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a m a n d a Nov 2016
(a thought experiment)



imagine you are
a young white boy,
in america,
in a small
town,
in the
1980's.

you are bright.
you love
to learn.

your family
loves you,
supports you,
encourages you,
believes in you.

you are innocent.

one day in
elementary school,
you are sitting at your desk,
listening attentively
to your teacher.

you are learning about
your country.
about presidents.
about elections.

suddenly, you hear
your teacher say that
men could not vote until 1920.

you quickly look around the room.
you don't understand.
what does she mean?

women could always vote,
but not men, she says.
men were not allowed.

she can't be serious.
this must be a joke.

you look in surprise at
the other boy's faces.

your face burns when
you lock eyes with a girl
in the class.

you sit silently.
you didn't know
that men were lesser.

no one had told you
until now.

you thought boys
and girls were the same.
had the same rights.
the same opportunities.
why wouldn't they?

you learn that men
had to fight for 40 years
for this right.

the women wouldn't
even write it down.
they thought it was ludicrous.
they tried to stop men at
every turn and succeeded
for decades.

thoughts clammer
in your mind.

what is wrong with boys?

it seems like everyone thinks
the girls are smarter.
the girls can be trusted.
the girls can be free.
the girls can make decisions.
only the girls know how
to run the country.

your teacher explains
that this is not the way
we are anymore.
now men can vote.

you look up at the presidents
hanging on the classroom wall.
they are all white women.
you hold your head up
a little higher.

no big deal.
there must not have
been any qualified men
to run for president since 1920.
yes, that makes the most sense.
that is logical.
to think otherwise
would be to assume
the world is not fair.

-

now it is 2016.
you are 36.

you have a job.
you have a masters degree.

and for the first time
in your life,
a man has the chance
to win the presidency.

this man has
devoted his life to
public service.
has a law degree.
served in office.
worked hard at
everything he did.

everything he has ever
done has been scrutinized,
ripped apart,
diminished.

he wants to secure
rights for men to use their
bodies as they choose.
he doesn't think this choice
should only be in the hands
of women.

he thinks men deserve
to be paid the same
amount of money as
women do for the same work.

he thinks fathers
should have rights.

he thinks birth control
should be easily available
and affordable to all men.

he is attacked on all sides.
he isn't tall enough.
or handsome enough.
he is balding.
his wife cheated on him,
so obviously he's an *******.

the woman running against
him constantly belittles him.
calls him names. rolls her eyes.
points and jeers,
hovers behind him
while he addresses the nation.
makes up outright lies about him,
and no one challenges her.

suddenly, all around you,
you see women rising up.
defending her. brushing off her
diseased ideas about men.
men should loosen up.
take a joke.

she thinks men should stay home.
stay out of business.
she thinks men without huge penises
have no value. no talent.
she even thinks someone should
just ****** this stupid man.

she owns young men's sports teams,
and likes to walk into the
locker room while they are changing.

and it has taken you
almost 40 years
to realize that

the chances of
every single president
just happening to
be a woman since 1920
is astronomical.

you are a white man.
you are almost 40.
you have played by
all the rules.
even the rules specially
set aside for men.
but you are
not represented.

you have to battle
with women about
your rights over
your own *****.

you work harder.
you get paid less.

people constantly
comment on your
appearance.

on your attitude.

on your smile or lack thereof.

judge you based on
how much chest hair is showing.

and you see a man,
that just won't quit,
battling unspeakable odds,
standing up for you.








can you imagine?
a m a n d a Nov 2016
i'm not sure what's going on.
i think i am always
deeply in my own mind
or in yours
trying to figure you out,
all of you.

and there is nowhere else
for my awareness to go,
it's just there,
opened,
listening,
all the time.

but who is
listening to me?
a m a n d a Oct 2016
i try to keep
you in the periphery,

not anymore
a clear
and present danger.

now an
a w a r e n e s s
of your power
over
     me
remains vigilant.

i feel it
always by
my side,
aware it
could strike
at the
moment
of your
desire.

i can't think
of any
protection
against this.

i don't know
     how
to
   save
          myself

from the you
        in the ether
   at the edge
of the wind.
a m a n d a Oct 2016
everyone knows
you can't just
love
anyone.

it strikes you.

and then you
are altered.

you can't fix it.
you can't undo it.

forever,
another human being
has a part of you

that you can
never get back.
a m a n d a Oct 2016
sometimes i just
say what i think,
because once
i'm gone
what else of me
is there
anywhere
in
    the
         universe?

when you
already have
something,
you take that
thing for granted.

when you have
the better of
something,
you take for
granted those
who have less.

what you have
reached, you
expect others
to also reach.

but you
are not everyone,
and everyone
is not you.


some of what
you have,
i do not.
and some of
what i have,
she does not.

you should be
looking below you,
not above.
that is where you
will find the answers.

if everyone is
reaching below
and
lifting up
no one
is left behind.
a m a n d a Oct 2016
oh ****.
i just had
another thought.

when kaepernick
kneels
to express
distress at his
country's
injustices
against
minorities,
(and for christ's sake
if you believe
there is no injustice
then i don't know
what to say to you)
in a quiet,
legal,
non-violent
expression,
a demand
for unity,
equality,

he is booed.
made fun of.
called
a traitor.
entitled.
disrespectful.
unpatriotic.

everyone loses
their godforsaken
minds
because a black
man
with money
kneeled.

for ****'s sake, people
wake the
**** up.

you know
what's disrespectful?

violence.
inciting violence.

you know
what's unpatriotic?
denigrating
entire groups
of human
beings.

entitled?
if equality is
special treatment
then i guess so.

i'm bout ready
to take the
******* knee
myself,

seeing the
rampant,
jovial
racism,
sexism,
classism.

the absolute
pride
people in
my country
are taking
in marginalizing,
dehumanizing,
belittling,
assaulting.

it's disgusting.

without a doubt
i will take
the *******
knee.
a m a n d a Oct 2016
huh.

i didn't know
it was cool
to joke about
children
accidentally
killing themselves
or others
with guns.

i didn't know
you were supposed
to make fun
of someone
for thinking
it might be
a good idea
to try to protect
children
from getting shot.
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