Seven hours drags on
feeling like eternity
anxiously waiting to get home
need some new scenery
maybe I'll go see my dad.

i did my time
and now i am free
i can fly far away
with my un-clipped wings
i am no longer caged
i am free to roam
less time will be spent
lingering at home

i can't tell if you're gone for good this time
or just testing my patience
that's how it is with you
you give me just enough to want to hold on to
but not enough to actually hold
all i have is shreds of the paper in your binding
enough to piece together some things
but not enough to tell the full story
they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder
they are wrong.

i am becoming content
with

silence
in a world where silence
is often very

disquieting


i am becoming content
with silence
in a world that demands
to be heard


i am content
being silent
sometimes it is nice
just to sit back
and listen

i am content
in your silence
because words
are not always
necessary

the world is filled with so much noise
and not all of it is worth listening to

can you be content in silence?
can you be content being silent?
are you content with my silence?

as i sit here in silence i ask
these questions
but i receive no answers



only silence.

you make me want to listen
to all those silly love songs
that I learned to love
and each song reminds me of
a different person's name
...
well
they used to
now they're all yours
and so am i.

Early morning or late at night
I can't get you off my mind
Somehow you always reappear
Life is better when you're near
You always manage to make me smile
And so I seem to be beguiled
Sometimes you won't even know
but nevertheless you bestow
a smile or a laugh when I'm upset
I still remember when we met
Do you feel bad for what went on?
To me it's always been foregone
I can see it played upon your face
I wish memories could be erased
The look in your eyes tells me a story
And boy I know that you are sorry
Sometimes they say I don't deserve her
I could not say that I concur
We play the game of skinny love
A game that we can't seem to shove
I'd like to tell you how I feel
But for now my lips are sealed.

It's hard to get used to sleeping in new places
At home all of the little noises are familiar
A sweet lullaby to ease me into dreamland
Here, the noises are foreign
They are obtrusive and unwelcoming
And I find myself laying here
Exhausted but unable to rest
Brain scrambled and heart a mess
I know that soon
These noises too will become familiar
But tonight I'm missing home.

lately i need music
to lull me to sleep
beautiful melodies
lure me into dreams
silence doesn't cut it
in silence my mind screams
it seems silence is louder
than i can manage
so i put in my head phones
and music acts as a bandage.

we all carry sadness
differently
some people carry it in their eyes
some carry it in their heart
i carry mine
in my stomach
and
i don't feel well tonight.

and we all just want to be
the subject of someone else's  poetry
someone else's endless fascination
to be compared to the ocean,
so mysterious and beautiful
because
for some reason
it would be enough
if you
were the person
that they think about
at four a.m. when
sleep escapes them
the reason that they sing
in the shower
we all are hungry
for weighty words
that fulfill our craving
to be loved
we want to be
stripped naked by
the rawness
of their metaphors
we  fall in love
not with others
but
with the way
we want others
to fall in love
with
us.

forty seven days
until i'm free
no more lockers
no more hallways
no more homework
no more classrooms
freedom
on my own
sort of
i get to figure life out
early
who will be there to
catch me when
i trip
and fall flat
on my face
will you be there
to hold my hand
and lead me to new places?

Sometimes I get in a rut
and writing becomes a chore
i forget the feeling of release
that writing brings to my core
i need that escape from my every day routine
because not writing for me
is like forgetting how to breathe
busyness has been my excuse
but i have kept in feelings
that need to be let loose
stress is gnawing on my soul
i'm ready for the weather to be cold
ready for the Christmas season
i'm coming up with countless reasons
for why i want to go back
so many i lost track
friends and family wait at home
church
release from work
but i know here is where i belong
anywhere else would be wrong
i can beat the
heat
with God no one can
defeat
me.

Sometimes I just spill parts of my soul into people
I just let everything out
It's messy, but it makes the burden lighter
I don't exactly let go of those parts of my soul
I just share them
Sometimes you just need someone to share your soul with
and that's why I believe in soul mates
Maybe they're not your lover, maybe they're just your best friend
maybe you have more than one
and sometimes they leave
and a new one comes
sometimes you're lucky and
you stay
with them
for a long
long
time
can i be
that
l
u
c
k
y
?
?

frustrated with the way
the words aren't flowing like they used to
so quick and easy
knew exactly what i was feeling
but now it seems life is
complicated
words don't flow freely
because all my words are eaten
by essays
there's no creative liberty
in apa format
can't express to you my frustrations
because there isn't a peer reviewed
article  
about how i'm feeling
and the woes of word count bind me
it seems i've found myself a captive
can't escape the jail that confines me
because the rubric is the compass that
guides me
and i'm at a stalemate with myself.

how many steps would it take
to get to you
a little more than two blocks away
maybe a five minute walk
should i count them
i count the days of your absence
67
sixty seven too many
i miss your face
i used to see you every weekend
you're always so busy
too busy for me

It's odd how we so often become  (strangers)
We reunite and then disappear (again)
How do we always come back to (this)
it's been quite a bit of (time) since I have seen you
How long before I (will) see you again
(You) have not a clue, do you?
I'm scared that maybe you'll (leave)
but if you leave, (for) how long?
they say (good) things come to those who wait
(please) don't go too far
I (don't) want to be strangers again.

Why didn't I just open my eyes?
Because how much you care
is a reflection of your time
and you used to give me the
time of day
but somehow I seem to have faded away
you don't care
at least not anymore
because there's no time for me
in your day
and I guess...
i guess that's OKAY
because things happen
and friends
become strangers
and maybe we were never meant to be more than that
maybe we were destined to be
strangers.

You are so
vague
sometimes it
kills me
can you not
tell me things
can i not hear
your secrets
i won't
tell a soul
do you
not
trust me?
I trust you
without
really giving it
much thought
I should have
probably
thought this through
too late
I just can't help
but feel
like maybe
maybe I was wrong
I hate being wrong
and maybe
maybe I can't do this
maybe I'm lying to myself
maybe
...
maybe
we
really
are
better
off
as
strangers
maybe
i'm breaking
my own
heart.

if all i need to do is move on
then why does it feel so....
wrong
i hope it doesn't take too
long
because my fragile strength is
gone
i'm exhausted by everything this month
everything is getting to be
much
I'm just ready to be
done
done with so many things on my
plate
they all need to just go
away

Sometimes I like to think
about the future
i can't keep my thoughts succinct
next year
Will I be with you?
i want you near
Will you kiss me
as we leave each morning
will you love me
even as I'm snoring

would you take me to meet your mom?
I would let you meet my dad
would we snuggle next to the fire place
read and drink hot cocoa?  
Or will I be lacking your embrace

a future without you in it
is really hard to picture
maybe I shouldn't think like that
because what if your opinion differs
because what if you leave?
I don;t want to be strangers again

I don't want to forget
the feeling of your arms wrapped around me
I don't want to forget
your laugh,
or the things you say, or do
that make me laugh
I don't want to forget
how you frustrate me sometimes
or the color of your eyes
But if that happens
I guess I'll survive
But I'm stuck on you now
I'm so, so, so stuck

I am the sun
And you are my moon
Our love always shines  
Brightening up even the darkest of nights

When I grow up
I want to be just like
A sunflower
Always growing taller
Reaching for the sun
Brightening every room I'm in
Rooted in truth and seeding the Earth with life
Wild, free and beautiful
I want to be like a Sunflower.

when you say goodnight
who do you tell to have sweet dreams
close friends
mere acquaintances?
or maybe your mom
the person that holds your heart
or just everyone
but I'm wondering
who am I in that mess of sweet dreams?

you're my serendipity
i found you
not on purpose
but i found you
and you're wonderful
**** are you wonderful
i've waited for what seems
like a thousand years
but really it's only been one
but every day without you
feels like an eternity alone

the little things
like a tall sunflower
poking through a field of weeds
the crunching of fall leaves underneath my feet
the way you smile at me
the feeling of holding hands
not caring how I look when I dance
home alone, singing at the top of my lungs
listening to someone's heart beat like it's the beat of the drums
the feeling of sleeping in
oh and that's just where it begins
moments with the people you love
gazing at the stars above
when your favorite song comes on
staying up with friends till dawn
laughing so hard you cry
the feeling of stomach butterflies
the warmth of my body next to yours
laughing because you snore
silly looking morning hair
the pride after bowling a spare
wearing my yellow boots
drinking lots of apple juice
hot cocoa after a rough day of sledding
petting a dog who isn't shedding
hearing a joke for the first time
finding the perfect tree to climb
reuniting with someone you miss
the feeling of being kissed
a million things which go unnoticed
but maybe that's because we're to focused
on making sure everything is perfect
but the little things are what make everything worth it.

still taboo
but not really
needle inching in
my skin
permanent
marking
my body is just another journal
waiting to be filled
with thoughts
ideas
pictures
and who are you to tell me
what to put in my journal
i'll fill it where
society says
so i can hide it
for a job
but I will fill it with the things
that make me tick
i wear my heart on my sleeve
so why not put my journal
on display
too.

dear monster under my bed,
you do not have scales or spikes
or sharp teeth
you are not slimy or fifty  feet tall
but somehow
you terrorize my life
all the same
you are godzilla
and I am Tokyo
breaking at the will of your
appetite for destruction
monsters aren't always as we portray them
they aren't always two faced
or blood *******
they aren't always hideous and terrifying
monsters hide in plain sight
sometimes the scariest monsters
that we encounter
are simply human
and nothing more.

writing essays is an art form
writing poetry is easy
no real requirements
as sloppy as you'd like
the sloppier the better
emotion shines through
no word count to limit you
no punctuation required
you are free to write what you want
not restricted by a prompt
i would rather write poetry
but it seems with essays, i am swamped.

i don't regret
meeting anyone that i've met
anyone that i have loved
i will not forget
they have broadened my playlist
introduced me to all different styles
i have come to appreciate my playlist
that has been growing for a while
someone introduced me to indie
someone else what they played in the 60's
and Mr. current listens to classic
appreciative of music without lyrics
i've never known what to listen to
i grew up on rock and roll
so thank you to all those i've loved and will love
you have deeply affected my soul.

what is it
that I am even holding onto
anymore?

i want you to fall in love
with the way i talk to movies
like they're going to hear me
fall in love
with all my little quirks
like the way that i hold a book
or the way that i've read that same book
  five times
fall in love with the way i can't dance
but i always dance at the grocery store
fall in love with my yellow rubber boots
and how when i wear them
it's usually not raining
fall in love with my bad hand writing
and laugh at how it's been the same
since the third grade
fall in love with the way
that i get so into my tv shows
and how the characters become my friends
fall in love with the way i write
even though in college
i mostly write essays
they say that it's the little things that count
so        
         would
                    you
                            fall
                                      in love
                                                    with
all the little things about                     me?

people always say
that a girl's first love
should be her father
what happens when
her father chooses something
else to be the focus of his love
instead of her?
she learns from his absence.
as kids, we pick up on everything
constantly learning
watching your every move
i learned things
from watching you
some i wish i hadn't
some i'm glad i have
i learned that i accept
the love that i think i deserve
since i learned how to receive love
from you
that i often accept way less
than i deserve
i also learned patience and
how to love people just to love them
not expecting anything in return
i learned that people make time
for what truly matters to them
if you can't spare the time
then you don't really care
i understand that actions have consequences
and that
you don't seem to realize that your actions
have consequences
that sometimes
the consequences affect me
or my brother
through watching you i have learned
that you can't make someone care about you
it's a waste of breath to try
that sometimes you deserve more love
than someone is willing to offer you
even if that someone is your father
you see, when i was little
i always called myself a "daddy's girl"
i clung to you when you were around
because you weren't around much
a lot of people are devastated
when their parents
get divorced
i cannot say that i felt the same way
your absence wasn't anything
i wasn't already familiar with
i would never miss the temper
you directed towards my mom
while you've been out
playing the blame game
pretending that your decisions don't
affect anyone else's lives
i have been watching with child-like eyes
learning for the most part
what not to do
you were the cause
my life was the effect
i learned that parents are supposed to
be the adults
sometimes they act like children
the most important lesson
that you never taught me
is that sometimes people
don't deserve the love you give them
but you give it to them anyways
not because of anything they have done
for you
simply because
so thank you
for all the life lessons
for helping me develop character
i might not have otherwise acquired
thank you for helping me realize
that i can stand up for myself
even to you
that doesn't mean
i don't still love you
even though
i learned all of these things in spite of you
i still always love you.

Three am sadness,
This is new
I'm not usually up past two
My eyes are swollen
Tears betray me
Tossing and turning
My eyes are burning
And while I might not seem broken
I leave plenty of things unspoken
All my ghosts have come out to play
Haunting, teasing, taunting me today.

Reasons to give you up:
1. i don't think that you could ever give me
what i **need
and i don't ask for much
2. you make time for the people
that you care about
3. if i forget about you
time will heal my battle wounds
and they won't be ripped back open
4. there are plenty of people
who want my time
(I just don't want theirs)
5. i'm not very patient
and weeks
feel like years
6. you probably couldn't feel the same
7. i was foolish to try

Reasons to wait:
1. you have my heart
2. your smile
3. your laugh
4. your passion
5. the way that you look at me
when you think i don't notice
6. the truth in your eyes
7. even after all this time
you still captivate me

can somebody give me a tie breaker?

sometimes i forget
that you don't have time
for me anymore
and that maybe
i should just
give
up
but
then
then you come back
it's like a roller coaster
and i can't seem to get off
because the thrill is worth
the disappointment when the ride stops
and you have no idea
but i just can't seem to tell you
what am i so afraid of?
because anything would be better than this
i'd rather you completely reject me
than sit here
not knowing
i want to tell you
i really really do
but you have to understand that i just
can't
and it's only hurting me
as far as i know
i just wish...
i  just wish that  there were more time in a day

Today I have decided That;
The Butterflies are welcome
To flutter in my tummy
My heart can pound as hard as it wants
As long as its still drumming
I won't hide my huge *** smile
I'll show my red face for awhile
All because you make me feel
That feeling that makes you feel REAL
You make being alive worth it
Life doesn't feel like such a death pit
Every time that you smile
It makes EVERYTHING worth while.

i fear that i have met my soul mate
and he has not met his
thousands of miles away and yet
by his words alone
i am sure
and my soul mate is not the man i claim to love
he is a stranger
walking down foreign streets
with scars on his heart that look similar to mine
but he only faintly knows my name
and i doubt he could pronounce it
that's the trouble with poets
they can capture your heart from miles away
behind a computer screen
i fear that i have met my soul mate
and he
has not met
his.

being in a relationship
sometimes feels like
being looked at through a telescope
neither of you knows much about one another
and through the telescope
you see the wonder and the beauty
it's the first stage of discovery
discovery only leads to more curiosity
so you dive deeper
it becomes more like
being looked at under a microscope
all the little pieces of you
are being examined
you do your best
to display only the beautiful parts of yourself
on the slides,
but you can't control what someone else sees
and sometimes until you're closely examined
you don't know you have a disease
and the more slides that are shown under the microscope
the more you discover
the more you know
and that gives you the power to change
to take medicine
because being in a relationship
should inspire you to be
the best version of yourself
and together
you can heal each other
stop the spread of disease
and see even more beauty
under the microscope
than you did through the telescope
and the next time you look through
that telescope you will be even more beautiful
than the last.

i was fine
with sleeping alone
until i realized i could
be sleeping with you
by my side

let's wander
exploring new places
we'll wonder
how we could ever be the same

let's ponder
oodles of  ideas
and over yonder
we can make a new name

our comfort zone
may feel like home
but heaven knows
where we might roam
discovering that where we're from
is not all that is to come
there is more than your hometown
be willing to live upside-down

let's adventure
into the unknown
this will quench your
curiosity

let's take the bench here
and appreciate the beauty
we'll entrench your
heart's ferocity

the only map we have to guide us
is the voice we have inside
the paths that we can take are vast
no more looking to our past
only we can choose our fate
our journey is what we create

this feeling
i feel
i've never felt
why won't it go away
it bothers me day in
and day out
i don't know what to say
your smiling face is enough
to make my whole week
make my knees weak
even if you can't see
if i could only make you blush
that is my goal
because  you make me light up
from my toes to my soul
you and i are quite ridiculous
if you ask me
but i know you like getting reactions out of me
you want to see how i tick
is that what it is?
you'll tease me
cause it makes me smile
play along
when I act like a child
i try and hide how i feel
but seeing you makes it infinitely more real
come december i'll give you the note
and then what?
will words catch in your throat?
will you know what to say?
will you have a clue?
or will i chicken out and miss my chance with you?

Trying to keep my cool
but you played me a **** fool
got my **** hopes up
even though I knew you would flop
you do it every time
but every time I expect different results
knowing deep inside
my first instinct consults
"Don't get your hopes up" It says
but nonetheless here I am.

You see the prejudice runs deeper
than just racism or sexism
the problem is
this "us and them" mentality
the problem is
separatism
when you separate people from all the prejudices
all you see are a bunch of humans
there is no
"us and them"
we are supposed to be
one nation united
instead we are
one nation divided
too focused on outward appearances
not focused enough
on what everyone is actually made up of
guts
if you boil down to it
everyone can be summed up into
a skin sack full of guts
too focused on location
that we decide
that some people
don't deserve help
because they aren't "one of us"
so focused on our differences
that we miss the similarities
so focused on what offends us
caught up in our own prosperity
when it all boils down to it
we're all composed of the same stuff
just in different combinations
all simply human
across the many nations
every single one of us
is a warrior of our own personal battles
we feel the need to shake up
other's lives as if they were rattles
why have we become a culture so poisonous
quick to strike anyone
who doesn't agree with us
kindness has become a rarity
most of us would rather please ourselves
than give to any charity
I'm not saying that i'm not guilty
i'm just saying that
we all need to try a little harder
to smile at passing strangers
to pass a little kindness
because it's become endangered.

i can no longer draw
i don't have enough patience to put you in awe
it kills me sometimes
because i want to
so badly
but everything i draw
turns out badly, sadly
i get so frustrated
why doesn't anything look right
what happened there
what an awful sight
how do i fix this
why do i care
so i just erase all the blurred lines
and tell the sketchbook my goodbyes

and i know that it's not your fault
that depression takes its toll
and it weighs heavy on your shoulders
but the space between us hurts
i know that your instinct is to
push me away
and shut me out
when things get rough
but i will still be here
wherever you need me to be
because i am not just in it
because of what you have to offer me
i am in it because i think..
i think that i might
have something to offer
and that's why i'm here
offering to just lie next to you
and listen to records
because you don't always feel like talking
i'm here for when you feel like talking
for reassurance and
a warm hug
because sometimes the only thing
that kills loneliness is being wrapped in
someone else's arms
i'm here to make you laugh
and lend you a smile
when that's the last thing you want to do
so know
that i will be here for you
no matter what you decide
if you want distance
even if it stings a little
i will offer you distance
i am not worried
about what it might cost me
because whatever i have to offer you
might just be worth it.

sitting in silent confusion
lost in my mind again
lost my mind again
sitting silently
again
confused.

things seem to lose their meaning after a while
but not you
i guess i lied
in the letter i wrote you
maybe i can't
push my feelings aside
it's easier when you're absent
because then i forget
but when you come back
the progress i had made
gets thrown away
the rewind button gets pressed
and i can tell you're not impressed
because who am i anyways?

weird
is looking at someone you've know your whole life
and realizing that they are a stranger
hurt
is realizing that maybe they didn't want you to know them
confused
is wondering how easily the person you knew was replaced
curious
is wanting to know who this new person is

I am completely fascinated
with how two people
once so entangled in each other's lives
are now strangers
and there wasn't really a reason why
it just kind of happened
it's a pain in the ****
people are always coming and going
passing each other by
life isn't a race
besides...
none of us make it out alive.