My father once told me
"In life, you either sink or swim."

     I wasn't expecting the water to be so deep.
So I keep treading and holding my breath; Waiting to be pulled under by all the promises I never kept.

I never thought I could fall in love with somebody
the way I have with her.
I thought I knew what love was, but I never really did.
If you would have asked me what I thought love was three months ago, I would have said that it was hurting all the time.
That it was something that you burned up in-
Something that you find in the romance of hazy coffee houses and broken cigarettes.
Something that was unobtainable.
Now, she's made me realize, love is acceptance.
Love is making somebody love who they are.
Love is staying up until 5 o' clock in the morning just to talk.
Love is waiting.
Love is awkward.
Love is worrying about somebody, even when you know they'll be alright.
Love is a shared song that you both can cry to.
Love is a comfortable silence.
Love is wanting to be everything for somebody.
Love is a kiss that can't be felt.
Love is shirts on the floor and butterflies in our stomachs.
Love is her.

You know, I almost called the other night.
Almost.
I’d like to think that
you would’ve almost picked up,
and I would’ve almost said something.
It’s a good thing I’ve almost lost your number;
I could get lonely someday
and forget that you almost wanted to stay.
I forget a lot nowadays.
I almost called the other night, you know.
But I’ve learned that “almost”
only counts in “I love you’s”
and “goodbye’s”.
Maybe I’ll almost sleep tonight.
It’s strange that I keep dreaming
about the night we walked around the city.
I always end up on the park bench
by your house,
waiting.
I’ve almost stopped wishing you’d show up.

I opened the blinds.
I took a deep breath.
I reminded myself that I exist.
I let you go.

It was a routine morning.

What are heavy? sea-sand and sorrow:
What are brief? today and tomorrow:
What are frail? Spring blossoms and youth:
What are deep ? the ocean and truth.

I'm drowning myself,
i tied myself down,
dropped the anchor
and let it take me away
the deeper it pulls me
the darker it gets
i am fully emerged
in my past
and now that i want to get out of it
I have no choice but come to terms with the fact that
i did this to myself
I've got no where to go
but to keep sinking
into the depths;
it's dark here.

Sometimes I wish your
Heart stopped every time
I touched you and that
The only way for you to
Restart was to fold
Your eyelashes around mine
Like origami birds
Fluttering in the wind
And softly dig your fingernails
Into my waist like a shovel
Much overdue for the aching earth
Because then I could at least
Pretend that I am the
Only thing in this world
You need to stay unfrozen.