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Another Friday night
No variation to this existence
They are out there
Living it up
Falling in love
And I am here
Bashing my head against the wall
Furious with myself for eating a grape


Eyes fixed on the ******* television
Decaying on mother’s sofa

I feel like a fossil
At Twenty-two years and forty nine days old
Pathetic levels are high and rising


My thoughts are fermenting incessantly
It seems my mind is brewing something horrid
Blood dripping from my temples
Down my face
This daily struggle
Is squeezing everything out of me
Hungry for greatness
I refuse to rise
For anything less.
I want to tell you I could love you.
I could make you happy.
I could make you fall apart on the
bedroom floor,
helplessly and desperately proclaiming
that our love was more
than the nights of
raised arms and oceans of threatening depths.

But fifteen is an age when all of this
is just a dream,
a cliff where the jump is even more
dangerous than everyone says it to be.
Fifteen is the age when I believe,
that my hands have grown rough enough
to take yours
and maturity and age
have always been our similarity.
But fifteen is just another name for
"You're too young."

I cannot promise you that a wedding ring
would worth more than
the freedom to love the women
of taller heights and wider hips
for their lipstick is much darker
than the lip balm I use to
smoothen the dried skin.

For I do not know what it is like
to slide the glass between my fingers
and to taste the golden bubbles
freeze my teeth.

I do not know how to light a cigarette
or how to inhale the scent and death of rebellion.
I do not know how to let the ashes fall
unto the tray without burning my skin
and dirtying my nails.

I do not know how to make you want me,
how to dress and turn my curves
into mountains you wish to explore.
I do not know how to turn my tongue
into a weapon much deadlier
than the wind.
I do not know how to make you
feel beautiful.

So with all of the worlds streets, corners and
dimly lit bars,
I am nothing but a little pigtailed girl
with a lollipop in one hand and a poorly written
love note in the other.
And there you are,
as tall and as handsome as I've always seen
you as
with no time to look down,
only straight ahead.

But I guess, thats okay.
The heels would never have fit me anyway.
Sinking into the abysm of the dark corridors of my mind
Here, In darkness where every thought becomes so clear
Each breath mirrored by silence
And this solitude forever drills tiny holes into bits of me
I shudder when I catch my own reflection in the mirror
My tormentor looks just like me.
If you are petroleum,
I'm a car,
You're a towel,
Then i just had a shower,
If I'm freezing you're my cozy coat,
If I'm drowning you're my rescue boat,
You're more than just a friend,
You're a necessity,
I hope we have no end,
In my life you're the top celebrity.
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