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 Mar 2014 A M
Star Girl
Oceans
 Mar 2014 A M
Star Girl
One of my favorite lines of poetry is,
That there are enough gallons of blood to make you an ocean. Do not settle for letting these waves settle and the dust to collect in your veins.
And...
I've let everything in my life settle.
I settled into the depression.
I settled into my bed I made, and I almost stayed there.
I almost stayed in the forgotten nights and days.
I almost stayed in the feigned affection.
I almost
completely
settled.

You see,
I've been taught against that my entire life.
Be in the world, but not of it.
But,
I failed.
I settled.
And, I always thought I would be this rushing wave.
I would take everyone by surprise.

I did alright.
I fooled them all.
I fooled them with words and excitement.
I fooled them with the influx of every word.
I even feigned my own happiness.
No one knew I was drowning in my own life.
Breathing,
Yet,
Gasping for life.

The sleepless nights,
The sickening nights,
The thieves and witnesses,
All of it.

I wish I could say it wasn't true.
That I am whole.

But.

I am done lying.
I am done.
Finished with everything that pulled me to the bottom,
Drowning me.

I'm ready to be an ocean.
 Mar 2014 A M
Star Girl
What is happening to you?*

Well,
I'm stuck in this limbo of a world between child and adult.
A limbo between my choices and yours.

I'm stuck between childish way and adult relations.
I'm stuck between the condescending tones and looks; and the reality of freedom.
I'm at a halfway house between sanity and insanity.
Frankly, it's such a thin line I teeter it.

I'm stuck in between the micromanaging stares of my family and my own personal distain.
I'm stuck between crying myself to sleep, and waking up with dreams of these new days.
I'm stuck between being a tattered rag and rich velvet.
I'm stuck in this Limbo.

And,
You don't seem to help with your condemnation.
You're not helping.
You tell me to stop talking.
You can't see I'm afraid.
You can't see I'm pulling away...
All because I'm afraid.

You only want me to talk about things you want to hear.
You only want me to do things you want me to do.
You want me here, but you want me gone.
Leaving me in Purgatory.
 Mar 2014 A M
marina
when all your scars
fade, will you pretend
you never had them
in the first place?
[ ]
 Mar 2014 A M
Cailey Weaver
What does figure skating feel like?
Many different things.

You could be flying.
Or swimming.
Spinning.
Twisting.
Or nearly dying.

It's scary.
Incredible.
Painful.
Silly.
Unbelievable.

People watch you and gawk.
The pressure is high.
But so is the reward.

It requires tolerance of pain.
Determination.
Mental strength.
A lack of sanity.
And a bizarre sense of humor.

You've got to be serious.
But know when to laugh.

You've got to be strong.
And powerful.

But light.
And soft.

You've got to jump high.
But spin low

You've got to be fearless.
But know how to be nervous.

Fall.
And still get up.

Get hurt.
But never cry.

Be nice.
But get *****.

Smile and laugh.
But be mature.

Be positive.
And accept criticism.

Take abuse.
But never give it.

All these things are true.

But the one thing people tend to forget about skating:

Amongst the physical pain and mental pressure.
Behind the bruises and broken ankles.
Under the glares and competition.

People always forget to have fun. Skating is supposed to be fun. But despite the unbelievably hard work it requires to have success, without fun, nothing matters.

People try every day.

But all of them will fail.
The truth about figure skating. It is a brutal sport filled with competition, pain, and pressure. It's hard to understand it unless you've truly trained at a high level. It's almost impossible to imagine.

But underneath all the work, people tend to forget the fun.

Skating is one of the most incredible, exciting, dangerous, and enjoyable sports to be a part of. It's just as fun as it looks if you skate for a long time. But getting there, sometimes, people forget why they started.

And that is where they'll fall.
 Mar 2014 A M
marina
if i'm being honest with myself,
i am always scared

i am scared that someday i will trip in the
school hallway with everyone around, and
i am scared that my family will stop being able
to take care of ourselves. i am
scared that a third world war will erupt and
it will start two streets down the road from me
and end in my front yard

i am scared that one day i'll convince myself
that nobody really loves me, and, even worse, that
nobody will be around to tell me otherwise. and
i am scared that i'll drown at camp this summer
and i'm scared that if i don't, i will want to

i'm scared of needles and feet and airplanes
and on especially bad nights, i am afraid of the dark.

mostly i'm afraid that i will never stop living my
life on the brink of a panic attack, that i will always
back down from a fight, that i will never learn
to speak for myself, and i am scared that i will never
become anything more than this
and supremely anxious.
this is venting more than anything
 Mar 2014 A M
Caitlin Driscoll
The girls with rusty voices are so poetic
And I am neither a song bird, nor a gutsy girl who just finished her 5th cigarette
I’m a little too nasally and high pitched
For even words to make me beautiful
 Mar 2014 A M
Cristina
I think it's time to tell you something.
I know, I should have told you everyday.
I have no excuse,
but please.

please do not forget.
a day will come
when I will not tell you anymore
it will not be because I don't want to tell or feel.

my love,
I will be gone.

I tell you now:
I love you, today,
but please!
remember this every day.
 Mar 2014 A M
Cristina
I realized long ago that it's all about love.
Regardless of the direction of reflection
or the time to take a break in life,
love brings light in heart.

Without realizing
you wake yourself finding
that in your heart is stagnating,
for an indefinite period
a person you love unconditionally.

That is love.
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